


Art of Letting Go

by Dramatiics



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bartender Dean, Bisexual Dean, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Family Issues, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Lawyer Sam, M/M, Nurse Jessica, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, Snarky Castiel, Social Worker Castiel, Tattooed Dean, Teacher Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-09
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2018-04-25 15:44:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 69,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4966795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dramatiics/pseuds/Dramatiics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean’s life is…well Dean’s life could be a lot worse than what it actually is. He teaches English full-time to bratty upperclassmen, and bartends part-time at The Roadhouse.  He’s surrounded by people who love and support him.  He couldn’t ask for more really...well maybe to see out of both eyes again and that his brother doesn’t abandon him in his time of need. Abandoning is a strong word, he’s just moving in with his new fiancé but still! Dean needs him right now. But he’s alive right? Even if he feels like half the man he used to be.  Add the love of what was supposed to be a one night stand in the mix and BAM! You’ve got Dean Winchester scrambling to make sense of it all, while trying not to screw things up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Stupid Prius and Pinky Promises

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lilistarmelody](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilistarmelody/gifts).



> Thank you @lilistarmelody for always believing in me.

_Stupid Sam. Stupid Sam and his stupid Prius. Stupid Sam and his stupid Prius and his stupid Prius’ stupid tire!_

Dean was supposed to be at work forty-five minutes ago, but nope, Sam’s stupid car had to go and get a stupid flat. _Sammy you know how to fix a flat, it’s one of the first things I taught you._ And it was, before Sam could even legally drive. Hell before he could even see over the steering wheel; Dean had taught him how to change a tire. Sammy was dead set on being Dean’s shadow while growing up, always following him around and what not, might as well put the little turd to work. Teach him something practical. But of course, Sam hadn’t gotten around to putting his tools or the damn tire back in the trunk of his stupid Prius from the last time he had gotten a flat. _Sammy, can’t you call AAA or something?_ Naturally, he let that expire. Go figure.

Dean is double checking the tightening of the bolts and finishing up the mini lecture he’s giving Sam, before they both take off to their respective destinations with muttered thanks, and promises to meet up later in the evening for burgers and beer since Sammy really owes him one.

Oh yeah, he definitely deserves another award. Maybe he’ll ask Sammy for one this upcoming Christmas. A huge solid gold, eight foot trophy saying “World’s Best Big Brother” or something like that. Yeah, yeah that would be awesome! The one Sammy had made for him in the third grade is a little out dated. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t proudly displayed on the living room wall at home. Just waiting to be pointed to when Sam is being a little shit. It was given to him when Sam’s class was doing an art project dedicated to unsung heroes or something like that. Dean had teared up a little when Sammy had run up the stairs of their childhood home to give it to him after school. It was one of the prouder moments in his life.

Sam’s just lucky Dean’s boss is more like a mother to the both of them than anything else. Otherwise he’d be putting that creepy clown doll back in his bed tonight while he sleeps. Sam thinks Dean threw it out but why would Dean do a silly thing like that? Waking up to Sam’s shrill scream at the asscrack of dawn was totally worth the $3.50 he had spent on it at that garage sale.

\- = = = -

Ellen has been in the boy's life longer than Dean can remember. Always over for family dinners with her daughter Jo, especially after her husband had passed. She had always been like a second mother to Sam and Dean, instantly stepping into the role once Mary had taken her final breath.

She was the one always physically there since their mom can only do so from Heaven. It helped Dean to believe that their mom was guiding them through life's trials and tribulations, using her epic angel powers to help them when needed. She must have been given some, mom’s too bad ass not to have been given powers. And even though it’s been 17 years, Dean still isn’t sure if he actually believes that Heaven exist. It’s not that Dean doesn’t believe in Heaven per se, it’s just that it's hard to have faith in something that took someone so important away from you. They were just kids; Sam was only 14 and Dean 17. They needed their mom. They needed her more than anything and because of some greater good, some unknown plan, she was taken away from them. Just so something else could happen, probably so someone else could be given a life, a second chance. It may sound incredibly selfish and unfair, but Dean HATES that person with everything he has. It’s part of how he deals, how he copes. He hopes they’re making the best of their life, finding the cure to the hellish disease that stole his mom from Sam and him, but he still hates them, and always will.

Ellen really helped to look after the boys during this time. She held them both, when holding each other wasn’t enough. Dean owes her everything. She helped him get through more than she probably knows, all while she was hurting too. Ellen helped to shape them into the men they are today. Jo is the sister he never wanted but glad he has. Jo’s a year younger than Sam, and he thought for sure when those two got older that they were going to be saying ‘I do’. But Sam has Jess and they are just as annoyingly cute as they can be.

Dean finally arrives at The Roadhouse only two hours into his shift. He got caught in a lot of traffic on his way over, most of it on the highway, some in the drive-thru of Taco Bell. Sue him, he was hungry, and he will most definitely be paying for it later once it’s had a chance to run its way through his system. This reminds him, he needs to pick up some more Febreze from the store later, unless he wants to hear Sam’s dramatic gagging again. Its poop, it’s supposed to smell.

Ellen just gives him a look as he walks in and asks how Sam is as she throws a towel at him so he can get started. Thankfully they aren’t too packed today. Ever since the remodeling of The Roadhouse, they’ve been insanely busy. They’re one of the more popular restaurants in the heart of downtown. Done up to look more like a swanky lounge with a rustic/vintage vibe. White string lights are casually hung up round the edge of the ceiling. A warm garnet red and black marquee sign stating “The Roadhouse” in big block letters sits upon mismatched wood panelling as the backdrop to the bar area. There are different types of seating all around the inside of The Roadhouse and the outside front patio. Beautifully custom designed picnic benches, tall tables, and small booths make up the restaurant. They’ve become known for their small batch of whiskeys, specialty cocktails and appetizers, but mostly it’s their distinctive burgers that bring customers in. Ellen creates one of a kind burgers that are guaranteed to ruin your taste buds for anything else. If anyone deserves a trophy it’s definitely her, but Dean maybe a little biased.

Sunday’s at The Roadhouse are always nice, it’s a good way for him to relax and earn money at the same time. They have a bit of a rush during brunch but nothing they can’t handle. His main job will be starting back up on Wednesday at Sandover High School. He’ll have thirty some odd new minds to mold every period this new school year. Thankfully, and with a little help from his mom he’s sure, Dean’s fifth period is his open period, so he gets an extended lunch break. Nothing like some extra free time to do whatever he feels like, which is usually bothering Charlie and/or Gabe despite if they’re in the middle of teaching a class or not.

\- = = = -

His shift at The Roadhouse soon comes to an end and he’s about ready to cash out his tips and stop by Ellen’s office to wave her good night. Right before he does though, he gets a text from Sam saying that he’s staying a little later at the office and that Dean should pick up an extra hour in his shift if possible. That sounds smart and probably something he should actually do but he really misses Ellen, so instead he makes himself comfortable in her office to catch her up on his life. You would think with him working here most days during the summer, and most weekends out of the school year that he wouldn’t miss her this bad.

They start off with the normal surface chit-chat, asking all the normal and polite questions you would ask anyone you haven’t had a meaningful conversation with in a while. Building up to the heavy stuff, all the important questions and comments. This time it took them about ten minutes before Ellen dives in, which for the straight up person she is, is a record. Her shoulders tense and she levels her eyes to his. “How are you dealing with everything?”, she finally ask.

Dean knows exactly what she’s asking about but that doesn’t keep him from playing dumb. He hates when people worry about him. He’s old enough to take care of himself. This is why his answer to her is “I just told you everything was good Ellen. I wasn’t going to say anything but I have been noticing some greying.” That, as you can imagine wasn’t received very well. Dean jumps up quickly to smother her in hugs and kisses on her cheeks until he’s threatens him with bodily harm. He does eventually answer her truthfully.

“I don’t know Ellen...I’m still adjusting I guess. I’m taking it in stride. I knew better to get my hopes up. None of the other surgeries have done anything to help, so why I thought this one would have is beyond me. It was stupid of me to waste my time and money on something as ridiculous as hope. I’ll never see out of that eye again and I should just accept it. I’m in enough debt as it is, I can’t afford to hope anymore.” As if him being in debt is the true reason he’s thinking about giving up. Truth is, Dean would give damn near anything to have full sight in both eyes again. It’s one of the few selfish things he wants for himself but he just doesn’t know if he could handle the heartbreak anymore, it’s getting to be too much. Becoming too hard to get back up again after getting pushed down so many times.

Somehow those thoughts must have actually been said out loud because next thing he knows, he’s furiously swiping at his right eye and lifting his patch to get at the left one. This leaves him vulnerable enough that Ellen gets the chance to wrap him up in a fierce hug of her own before he can compose himself. Dad always told him that he had to be strong, that boys don’t show ‘girly emotions’ but while wrapped up in the safety of Ellen’s arms he allows himself this, if only for a moment.

She tells him everything he’s heard before. Encouraging words and phrases. And although Dean appreciates them and they do their job of offering some comfort, he can’t help but to hate hearing them. They remind him of all the past failed attempts, of all his other heart breaks. God, Dean wishes it was his mom’s arms he was wrapped up in. That it was her encouraging words he could hear instead. Thoughts like these do nothing but bring on more tears though. So he clutches at Ellen’s shirt a little tighter and silently cries a little bit harder, sending up a little prayer to his mom, asking her to use her angelic mojo to give him some much needed strength to get through this.

\- = = = -

After leaving The Roadhouse, Dean stops by Target to grab some things him and Sam need for the house. After that, he finally heads over to a local Mexican restaurant close to their house to finally meet up with Sam. Tacos and beers are his second favorite food and since Sam is repaying Dean, paying being the key part of that, Dean makes sure the restaurant is someplace Sam would actually have to pay. Ellen makes the best burgers hands down but naturally she wouldn’t accept any money from the boys. This place makes tacos just as appetizing though, so it’s not like Dean is suffering or anything.

Dean went ahead and ordered two beers for them while he was waiting for Sam to arrive. By the time the waitress is setting down the golden amber liquid, Sam is stepping through the door. He looks like hell, so before the waitress has a chance to walk away, Dean orders two rounds of tequila shots. Sam sits down with a big dramatic sigh, which Dean takes as his cue to ask what him what’s got him wound so tight. They make small talk until the shots hit the table before Dean dives in and literally gives Sam a penny for his thoughts. Sam throws him bitchface number 13 but proceeds to tell him about everything that’s happened since he last saw him.

 

‘I got assigned a new case and its hitting a little close to home is all. I honestly want to give it to someone else to handle but it’s too important to my career to pass on it. Word around the office is that Michael is looking to promote a few someones.” Sam says taking a sip from his beer.

“What do you mean ‘a little too close to home’ Sam?” Dean asks.

Not being able to keep it together any longer, Sam anger and annoyance gets the better of him. “I mean this new case has to do with two brothers with a father who’s M.I.A and a dead mother. A little too close to home.”

Dean hurries to take a long sip of his beer in order to calm down. He’s still feeling a little raw from earlier and they’ve both had long days. Dean doesn’t want to add to it. “Well Sammy, if it’s too much for you to handle maybe you should pass it up. I’m sure Michael would understand if you spoke with him about it.”

“And what am I going to do if this happens again, Dean? I can’t keep pushing cases off to my colleagues just because I can’t separate my personal life and work”

“But Sammy, your mental and emotional health is more important don’t you think?”

“Wow.” Sam says with a humorless chuckle. “That’s rich coming from you. Mister ‘emotions are for women and the weak.’ You know what Dean, if you’re not going to be serious about this, I’ll just wait to talk to Jess about it when I get home.” Sam’s so wrapped up in his own shit and unloading all his anger on Dean, that he doesn't notice that his brother is tearing up for the second time today.

Dean can take a lot, has taken a lot, but Sam tearing into him like that is something he will never be able to handle. He still believes he’s the hero Sammy used to look up to when they were younger. He can’t stand to disappointing him. Even if it wasn’t his intention at all. But today it’s too much for him to handle.

The clearing of Dean’s throat finally gets Sam to look up. He tries to quickly apologize but Dean holds up a hand to stop him before he even gets the chance.

“Sammy I know you’ve had a shit day but as you can see you’re not the only one.” Dean gestures weakly to himself and after a few beats and a deep sigh he continues on.

“Look Sammy, I’m sorry if I didn’t give you the response you were looking for but that doesn’t mean you can throw things like that in my face. I know what you went through Sam. I out of everyone, know what you went through, trust me. That sure as hell wasn’t Dad who held you until you cried yourself to sleep almost every night.” Dean takes another moment for himself. “Sammy I’ve always and will always want the absolute best for you. You’re my number one priority. If it’s too much, put yourself first, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

After a beat he adds, “And for the record, I think you’ll be the best person to fight for those boys like they deserve.” With a tight smile, Dean finishes off the rest of his beer.

After setting his glass down he looks up to see his brothers puppy dog eyes on max power. Dean rolls his eyes and tells him to knock it off. He’s always had a weakness for those damn puppy eyes, much like everyone else. Well everyone except Jess it seems. It’s like she’s immune to his powers and Dean really needs to ask her how she does it.

“Sorry Dean, I didn’t” Sam clears his throat, “I didn’t think. I was selfish and I should…”

“Sammy it’s not that big of a deal. Just...I don’t know, take my half of the chores this week as an apology” Dean says cheekily.

“Deal.”

The brothers order another round of beer and watch a bit of the local news. Commenting on the rising gas prices and catching each other up on other events of the day. Dean conveniently doesn’t mention his conversation with Ellen earlier.

“Hey, I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but I hope you know I’m always here. You’re my number one priority as well.”

“You’re right, I don’t want to talk about it,” Dean says with a little more attitude than necessary, but soon softens and adds, “Thanks for always being in my corner Sammy.”

“Pinky promise Dean?”

“Yeah, pinky promise Sammy.”

They tap their beer bottles together and Dean chuckles and adds “you think we should come up with a different saying? You were what, six when we made that up?”

“Nah, it’s a classic.”

And he’s right, it is a classic.

\- = = = -

They each jump their separate cars to head home. Once there, Sam bids Dean goodnight so he could facetime with Jess before he calls it a night. Dean showers and goes through the rest of his nightly routine. Before he lays his head down he grabs the pic of his mom from under his pillow. He thanks her for sending him strength that helped him make it through the rest of the day. He falls asleep with his fingers lightly clutching the photo as he does every night.


	2. Jack, Jim, and All of Their Friends

Sunday morning greets Dean beautifully. The sun is streaming through the curtains and bathing his room in warm golden hues. Dean practically has the entire day to himself. He can lounge around in his boxers and binge watch Dr. Sexy until it’s time to head out. The only thing on his agenda for the day is going to The Roadhouse later this evening to help Ellen with inventory. The whole gang is showing to help. “Family doesn’t end with blood”, Uncle Bobby always says and what better way to prove it than spending endless hours counting things.

 

He turns his head to the left to check the time; the clock reads 11:37 am. It’s the last time he’ll be able to truly enjoy sleeping in this late. He starts his main job, teaching, later this week. Waking up late, curing his hangover with sleep, not having to deal with any responsibilities until he pleases will soon be a thing of the past. Just as Dean is dozing off back to sleep, he hears a loud thump coming from his and Sammy’s bathroom. Soon after the shower shuts off and Dean just assumes the Moose is being his usual klutzy self. _Hopefully Sam made some breakfast._ Dean thinks to himself, _Sammy makes the best pancakes._ Before Dean has the chance to wander out of bed and check, the door to his bedroom swings open revealing the most gorgeous blue-eyed man Dean has ever had the pleasure to lay eyes on. Blue-eyes is wearing nothing but a towel, stray drops of water making a path down his toned torso. Dean’s eyes track the movement of the wayward water drops until they disappear into the towel around his waist.

 

Trying to navigate through the drunken haze of last night, Dean can vaguely remember being bought a drink. He was feeling a little lonely and wanted to get in one last bang before the start of the new school year, literally and figuratively. He doesn’t recall much, just that he needed to satisfy the feeling of having someone underneath him. He wanted something a little more last night, didn’t want to worry about being too rough during sex. The blue-eyed stranger who bought him a drink, seemed to be the perfect fit. Never one to miss a beat, Dean tries to entice the stranger for some early afternoon fun.

 

“Why don’t you come back in this bed and let me give you a proper parting gift Keith?”

 

Blue eyes chuckles and shakes his head. He begins pulling on his black skinny jeans from the night before.

 

“Cas.”

 

“Huh?!”

 

“My name’s Cas. Not Keith.”

 

Holy fuck! Last night must have been one of Dean’s top performances because this guy sounds like he gargled with volcanic ash along with Jack, Jim, and all of their friends.

 

Dean will never be able to forgive himself for forgetting the sounds he pulled from this gorgeous man the night before. Well, guess there’s only one way to fix that little problem. But how is he going to apologize to blue eyes without coming off as a bigger douche than he already has?

 

Dean is pulled from his thoughts by the sound of Cas clearing his throat.

 

“Although I don’t mind watching that handsome face of yours try and puzzle out the events of last night, I’ve got to get going.”

 

And Bingo was his name-o! Dean see’s his opening for a cheesy but hopefully effective pickup line and he’s going to take it.

 

“Heh. Or you could just stay and give me the chance to make that voice of yours even more hoarse than it currently is.”

 

Cas just looks at Dean with a smirk splayed across his lips.

 

_Oh, so he wants a challenge._ Dean could definitely work with that. Dean lays it on a bit thicker.

 

“Guess I really must have been on top of my game last night. Seeing as how I got you to scream yourself hoarse.” Dean throws in a little eyebrow bounce to help seal the deal.

 

Blue eyes outright doubles over in laughter.

 

Dean’s stunned, ego a little more than bruised. Cas is finally able to gain his composure back.  Wiping stray tears from his eyes and letting himself get some much-needed air in his lungs.

 

“Wiggle around there handsome.  I’m more than positive you’ll find that it was me who was ‘on top of their game last night’.” The guy actually uses air quotes. Bastard.

 

Cas turns around to pull on the rest of his clothing, while Dean does a small, but hopefully unnoticeable little wiggle.

 

Motherfucker! He let this guy pitch?! He must have been more wasted than he originally thought and that alone should be concerning because Dean already thought he was beyond shit-faced drunk last night.

 

“Awe now handsome, judging from the noises you were making last night, I wasn’t terrible enough to have you frowning so hard like that.” Cas winks. He fucking winks!

 

That fucking bastard! Dean can’t let him think he got one over on him. Even though, they both know he apparently literally did.

 

“Whatever.” Dean, forever eloquent.

 

Cas hums, “I’m not usually a repeat offender, but that pout of your is making me reconsider my rule.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“And witty too! Oh yeah, I am definitely leaving you my number handsome.”

 

Dean just frowns harder at Cas, willing him to combust into flames. Cas walks over to Dean’s nightstand and scribbles his number down on one of the colorful sticky-notes he found lying there. Before he turns to leave, Cas reaches down and gives Dean a kiss that instantly has Dean threading his fingers through Cas’ dark hair and pulling him in closer before he gets a chance to stop himself. He can feel Cas smirk against his lips and he abruptly pulls away with a glare.  Cas gives an amused little chuckle and steals another quick peck and then he’s on his way out the door.

  
  


\- = = = -

 

“So you didn’t even remember his name and he still left you his number? He’s either a moron or you really are that good in bed. And here I thought all that bragging was part of something deeper psychologically.”

 

“Hey!” Dean scowled at his best friend, “I highly doubt he’s a moron, so it has to be the latter.  Unfortunately for you _Charles_ you’ll never get the pleasure of finding out.”

 

Charlie glares at Dean. “I don’t know how many times I’ve told you not to call me that, but do it again and I’ll gladly beat the bad habit out of you.”

 

“Oh come on, it’s funny.”

 

“No Dean, it’s not. I didn’t like it when we were in high school and I dislike it even more now.”

 

“You were the one who asked everyone to call you that in high school! When you were going through one of your ‘fight the man!’ phases.”

 

“Those were dark time Winchester! And I’ve never stopped fighting the man! I’ve just developed a better way of doing it.”

 

“Okay. Okay, _Charlene_ I won’t call you that again...unless I’m drunk.” Dean lets out a small laugh.

 

Charlie punches Dean in the arm and he hisses like the fragile crybaby he is.

 

“Ow, Charlie that hurt! You know I bruise like a peach!” Dean rubs his hand over the spot where her fist connected with his arm.

 

“Serves you right asshole.  Now finish telling me about Mr. Blue Eyes McBluerson.”

 

Dean finishes telling Charlie about his morning just as Ellen and Jo come out with everyone’s ‘thank-you burgers’.  Because she had so much help this time around, inventory was finished in about half the time.

 

They were on their third round of beers when Jess and Sam walk in. Sam  had taken off as soon as he was done with his burger to go pick up his girlfriend Jess.  In Dean’s opinion, she is completely out of his league, but for whatever reason she likes the kid.  Jess greets him with a hug, a quick kiss on the cheek, and attempts to walk away with his beer.  Dean steals it back before she has the chance to go too far.

 

He remembers the first time Sammy told him about her. He told him about her perfect curls and her perfect smile and her perfect laugh and her perfect everything.  They had met at some meeting of the nerds for one club or another while they were attending Stanford together. Dean didn’t really care at the time, Sam was always geeking out about something school related.  It wasn’t until he mentioned asking her to dinner, that Dean tuned back in. Dean finally met Jess a couple of Christmas’ ago and it wasn’t until then that he could truly understand why Sam was so smitten by her.  Jess and Dean had clicked instantly, falling into habits of long time friends.  He knew when she joined in on teasing Sam about his hair that she was a keeper. Yeah she was perfect for his little brother, and he knew that eventually she would become his little sister too.    

 

It’s not long after that Dean finds himself stuck at the table with all of the leading ladies in his life, save for Ellen’s who is in a deep conversation with Bobby and Sam at the bar.

 

The girls are looking at him expectantly, waiting for his response to something. He’s been lost in daydreams all day today.  Mind constantly wandering back to blue eyes and a deep gravely voice. A voice that most definitely didn’t help fuel his special morning me time. Nope, not at all.  Besides, he’s never going to see that beautiful bastard again, because despite Cas wanting to break his ‘no repeats’ rule, Dean isn’t going to break his. Even if he was going to make an exception earlier this morning. Once they’re out the door, that’s it, no repeats. And so what if he doesn’t remember the first round. Wait a second, if he doesn’t remember, is he really breaking his rule? It’s like a loophole of sorts.

 

Startled by a napkin hitting his face brings Dean back to reality. He’s reached his daydreaming max for the day and he really needs to focus on the girls around him, they get mean when they feel like they're being ignored.

 

“Damn Dean, that must have been one hell of a good lay, if that goofy smile you have plastered on your face is anything to go by.” Jo says in a mocking tone.

 

Dammit has he really been smiling every time blue eyes makes an unwanted appearance in his thoughts? He doesn’t even remember the good stuff, just the interaction he had with him this morning. That shouldn’t be making him smile. All they did was talk, and share a kiss. Mmm, but that kiss has Dean rethinking his stance on his no repeats rule again.

 

Dean has to be pulled back from his thoughts once again, but this time it’s by laughter. Laughter directed at him. Dammit what he miss this time? “Huh?! What I miss?”

 

This only makes the girls laugh harder. Jess is the first to speak. “Dean, you don’t even remember bedding the guy, and he’s got you daydreaming like that? You’ve got it bad.”

 

“Ha! He’s the one who’s got it bad. May I remind you all that he is the one who left me his number? And even after he knew that I had no recollection of the night. Plus, who said I was even daydreaming about him?” He’s addressing the entire table now, “ I could be thinking about all you lovely ladies loving on me.” He throws in a lewd wink for dramatic effect.

 

“Ew! That’s fucking disgusting Dean!” Jo speaks on behalf of the group. The rest of them are fake gagging, jerks!

 

“Don’t act like you wouldn’t want to take a ride on this. I’d ruin you for all future men.”

 

“I’m not even interested in men and you’ve effectively ruined them for me.” Charlie says with complete disgust. “So I guess job well done.” She tips her imaginary hat to him.

 

“Thank you Charlene.” he says with a smirk.

 

“Whatever asshole. But just to be clear, you like dick, you dick.” The girls all giggle at Charlie's comment.

 

“I’m an equal opportunity lover, red!” Dean snarks back to Charlie.  He turns back to address the rest of the girls at the table, “and don’t you ladies forget it.” He plasters on his ‘come-fuck-me’ smile and adds a little smolder to his gaze.

 

“SAM! Your brother’s hitting on me again!” Jess screams in Sam’s general direction.

 

“Knock it off jerk!” Sam yells back.

 

“Come and make me bitch! Not my fault she’s in a nurses outfit pretty much every time I see her.” Dean yells back in response.

 

“They’re scrubs you ass! And they’re for work” Jess reminds him.

 

“Not in my fantasies, Sugar.” But before Dean can even finish his wink, Sam is right there beside him pulling him into a headlock. Dean and him begin to wrestle a little at the table. Something they’ve done a few hundred times before.

 

“Both you idjits knock it off!” Bobby yells gruffly.

 

“He started it!” The brothers yell back in unison.

 

That just earns them both a laugh from everyone around.  They’re all used to their antics by now.

 

\- = = = -

 

It’s D-Day today, the first day of the new school year. Dean makes his way to the kitchen to start his coffee and prepare his lunch. When he opens the fridge he notices that his brother already packed a lunch for him. He reads the sticky note on the bag telling him to have a good first day.   _Sam’s such a sap._ Man, Dean loved that kid. Dean just hopes he didn’t pack all rabbit food for him.  He’s going to need all the carbs he can get in order to get through the day.

 

Dean takes some time while drinking his coffee to try and mentally prepare. But even after finishing his second cup and a piece of toast, he still isn’t on the level of preparedness that he would like to be. He doesn’t want to deal with those snot-nose, know-it-all teenagers. Doesn’t want to have to deal with the questions about his eye, and how he lost it. He especially doesn’t want to deal with the few dumbasses that think it’s okay to ask if they can call him ‘Mr. Pirate’ instead of Mr. Winchester, or saying that the only way they’ll pay attention in class is if he addresses them in a pirate accent. Man it felt good to fail that little turd at the end of the school year. Granted he actually deserved it, ditching class at least twice a week.

 

Dean is dressed in charcoal grey slim-fitting slacks, and crisp white button down. He has one of his favorite ties on, the white and grey one, and his black waistcoat he specifically bought for the first day of school. His hair is freshly cut, low on the sides and longer up top.  He doesn’t use a lot of product; he likes to leave his hair as natural and fluffy as possible.  He’s grown out of that heavy gelled look during his last years of college. Just as he was about to step out the door, his phone beeped alerting him to a new text. It was from Sam.

 

**Sammy: Mold those young minds big bro! Teach them that Zeppelin and AC/DC are the best bands to ever exist! LOL.**

 

Sammy has always known how to brighten his day, even when he was being a little shit.

 

**Dean: Thanks bitch. Oh and for the lunch too!**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me thoughts <3 I'll be at Pascon this weekend!!!


	3. Jack and Jim Are Definitley not His Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to do my best to update every Thursday. Thank you to everyone who has read, commented, or kudos thus far! <3

**Big LeBROski: I’m a good fucking person! A good person! Bad things aren’t supposed to happen to me!!”**

 

**Big LeBROski: Brrrooooo!  Stop ignoring me!**

**Big LeBROski: I can see that you’re reading my text!**

**Big LeBROski: You have the read receipt on you jackass!**

**Big LeBROski: I could be dying in a ditch somewhere and then you’ll feel bad that this was our last conversation...you ignoring me. Your one and only brother. In his time of NEED!!**

**Big LeBROski: Fine. I see where I stand in your life. How important I truly am to you.**

**Big LeBROski: Goodbye forever.**

**Cas: Can I get that in writing?**

**Big LeBROski: Wow bro, that really hurts. Kick me while I’m down.**

**Cas: If only you’d stay down.**

**Big LeBROski: Okay. What the actual fuck?! What’s got your panties in a bunch?**

**Cas: REALLY GABRIEL?! You send Dad after me! You are not a good person. And thank God, you’re not my only brother! And seeing that you’re alive enough to text, I’m sure whatever happened to you, you deserved!**

**Big LeBROski: Look Cassie, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sic Dad on you but he wouldn’t leave me alone. I needed a distraction. An escape.**

**Big LeBROski: Like I do now…**

**Cas: Fuck off Gabriel.**

**Big LeBROski: Kali broke up with me…**

**Big LeBROski: Again.**

**Cas: Good**

**Big LeBROski: Come on, you don’t mean that.**

**Cas: I do.**

**Big LeBROski: Come on Cas. I said I was sorry. I need you! I need a night out with my baby bro. To drown my sorrows and numb my pain.”**

**Big LeBROski: Plleeeaaassse.**

**Big LeBROski: Pleeeaaasssssssssseeeeeeee!**

**Cas: Don’t you have your own friends or were you too much of an asshole to them too?**

**Big LeBROski: I’m a good fucking friend, thank you very much! Annddd I’m and even better brother.**

**Cas: …**

**Big LeBROski: I want a fancy night of mistakes. So call Balth so we can go out.**

**Big LeBROski: My treat.**

**Cas: Be at my place around 9.**

**Big LeBROski: Thanks bro! Always an Angel.**

**Cas: Mmmm...just make sure to get a cab.**

**Big LeBROski: Will do baby bro!**

 

Even though his brother can be a complete asshole at times, him offering to pay for an entire night of “fancy mistakes” makes him a bit more sufferable. Oh who’s he kidding, compared to Michael, Gabe’s brother of the year.

 

It’s not that Michael is a bad brother, completely the opposite in fact, he’s just not very affectionate. But how could he be with the father they had.  A cold heartless son-of-a-bitch, it’s no surprise that the first born son grew up to be pretty much the same exact way.  Thankfully they had their mom while growing up. She showed them what it truly meant to love.

 

Michael got the worst of it during their childhood.  He was the one expected to be exactly like their father. The older Castiel got the more he understood just how much Michael shielded them,  especially him, from their father's expectations. He expected them all to follow in his footsteps, meaning law school, and eventually joining his firm. Michael followed the path chosen for him, carried on the family name, quite literally actually seeing as how he was named after their father, but he always made sure to let his younger siblings know that their path wasn’t set in stone.  That they could be whomever and whatever they wanted to. For someone as free spirited as Gabe, those words didn’t mean much, but for someone like Castiel...someone who hid who he was for twenty-five years of his life, hearing those words meant everything.  They carried him through his teenage years.

-===-

 

Balth is already at Cas’s place when Gabriel arrives. He has with him a bottle of Jack to makes sure things started off right. Guess you’re never really too old to pregame. “Hey losers come and take a shot with me! “ Gabe holds out three shot glasses filled with the amber liquid.

 

Cas and Balth share an eyeroll but get up to join him.

 

“To a night of ‘fancy mistakes’, yes?” Balth raises his eyebrows mockingly towards Gabriel.

 

“Make fun all you want, Bulbasuar, but tonight I am going to find someone to drown my sorrows in.” says Gabe.

 

“What the in the hell is a Bulba-whatever?”

 

“It’s a pokemon you un-American asshole!”

 

“Pokemon are Japanese jackass, and Balth is English,” Cas butts in, “of course he’s ‘un-American’”.

 

“Whatever you mooks! Shut up and take your shots of Jack! We’ve got bodies waiting for us to enter them!!” Gabe exclaims.

 

“You’re disgusting” Cas says, just as Balthazar says “Americans” with as much disdain as he can muster.

 

They soon make their way to the club, one they frequent quite often.  The atmosphere screams sophisticated middle class. Everyone here is trying to seem more important than they really are. Men and women both dressed in casual sophistication, for the most part. There are definitely a few dressed to take someone home, their bodies on full display.

 

The music has a fast-paced catchy beat that pulses through your body. The kind of music that makes it easy to move through the dance floor and find yourself up against another person. The drinks are steadily coming as they all sit at a booth near the back and make small talk. Gabriel finally reveals to them what broke him and Kali up this time; and although Gabe’s his brother and Cas will always have his back, he has to side with Kali this time around. Gabe definitely shouldn’t have asked for a pass, especially not with her secretary.

 

For the most part the night is going well.  The guys are moving from pleasantly buzzed to straight up drunk in no time and Gabriel is on his fourth, no wait, fifth rejection of the night.  Balth and Cas are updating each other on their respective jobs, comparing cases, crazy colleagues, and placing bets on how long it’ll take Gabe to strike out.

 

“New rule! We take a shot every time dear ol’ Gabe here gets a ‘no’”, Balthazar slurs as Gabes walks back to the booth.

 

“No thanks! Not in the mood to get alcohol poisoning tonight.” Cas giggles.

 

“Fuck the both of you! The next one’s going to be a home run. Just watch and see!”

 

Balth and Cas simultaneously both burst into hysterical laughter. Gabriel curses them and sets off to prove them wrong.

 

Balthazar excuses himself to water the lilies and grab them both something else to drink when it happens.  Castiel’s ‘fancy mistake’ passes him on his way to the dancefloor. From what Castiel can observe, he seems to be third-wheeling it.  The group consists of a bear of a man, with a thick build of pure muscle and tanned skin. The woman, who is very clearly with the bear-man, is a very gorgeous petite brunette with golden brown skin. But neither compare to the third man in their group.

 

He’s a few inches taller than Castiel, with a slightly stockier build, that Castiel is positive is made up of pure muscle. He’s wearing black skinny jeans with a tan belt and a light blueish-grey denim button down. It’s hard to tell exactly what color it is in the dim lighting but whatever color it is, it compliments his skin-tone very well. His sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, revealing some captivating ink on both arms.  He has a little bit of scruff but nothing that qualifies as a full beard. His hair is artfully fluffed with the sides shorter than the top but definitely begging for someone to run their hands through it, maybe a little bit roughly if he’s into that sort of thing and Cas really hopes he is. Looking at his face he was in complete awe of the stranger's eyes. One was covered by an eye patch, but the other was a beautiful shade of green that even the dull lighting of the club couldn't dim. Castiel sat and thought about how he would love to write sonnets about the stranger's eyes. He imagined that every emotion could be found within if you just looked close enough. He also had to admit that he was a bit intrigued by the eye patch.

 

You would think that it would somehow call attention away from the rest of him but it did nothing but add to it.  Drew you in like the song of a siren.  It was a part of him and nothing to pity.  Hopefully he legitimately needed it though, so many people wear things just to help them get laid. Using empathy as a cheap pick-up line for an even cheaper night.

 

Thankfully for Castiel, he’s just looking for someone just for the night so it doesn’t matter if he is falling for bullshit or not. As the song changed into something with a much heavier bass, Cas made his way over to the dance floor.

 

Navigating through the bodies on the dance floor is always a challenge. Making sure not to bump into anyone too much and accidentally starting a fight with a drunken douchebag that feels like they need to prove how alpha they are to their friends and everyone else.  Trying to dodge drinks in loose gripping hands had to be the most irritating part of the whole journey.  

 

Gratefully, Mr. ‘Fancy Mistake’ and his friends are standing close enough to the bar for Castiel to use his incredibly cheesey pick up line. It’s the best approach he has when he isn’t sure what team the guy plays for.

 

“Can I get a Jack and coke? Thanks, keep the change.”, Cas loudly whispers into the other man’s ear in order to be heard over the music, while sliding money into his hand.

 

There are two outcomes to this; 1. The guy keeps the money and buy himself a drink with it or 2. He’s so insulted, which is usually the case with male egos, by being mistaken for an employee, that he’ll follow Cas to inform him of his mistake. Both outcomes are good ones because he either doesn’t have to waste his time and gets silently rejected or depending on how upset the guy is, Castiel gets to hit on him in private.

 

Judging by the hand on his shoulder pulling him to a stop, option two won out. Cas turns around to look at the other man, “I apologize, did I not give you enough?” with a innocently smug smile.

 

And judging by the flirty smile he gets in return, Cas is pretty sure that he’ll get to make his own ‘fancy mistake’ tonight.

 

“Wouldn’t know, I actually don’t work here,” he says while inching closer.

 

“I know.”

 

“You do? Then why did you-”

 

“In my experience it’s always best to hit on a guy away from his friends...just in case he doesn’t take it for the compliment it is.” Cas finishes with a wink.

 

Mystery man smiles and and does a little nod as he extended his hand toward Cas. "Name's Dean," he says as he leans in close to Cas' ear so he can be heard.

 

Cas pulls him in closer and shares his name. “Mind if I buy you a drink?”

 

“Yeah. Jack and Coke sounds good.”

 

-===-

 

Minutes, hours, days have passed...actually Cas couldn’t tell you.  Everything has just been Dean.  This magnetic man, with his laugh, his smile, the sincerity of his eyes. Face to face, Cas can see that they are the most beautiful shades of green that he has ever seen.  Each shade of green coming together and harmonizing perfectly. Cas wants to know everything and nothing about this man all at the same time. He’s captivated by him, but has to remind himself that this will be nothing more than a one night stand.

 

All of the lingering touches between them are finally progressing into more. They’re moving closer towards one another, speaking softer, lower, deeper. They’re always in contact in some way, knees touching, shoulders pressed together. A steady buzz increasing between them. Their eyes keep falling to each other’s lips, both waiting for the other to make a move. Cas leans in further, but it’s Dean that closes the rest of the distance between them. Their lips meet in a tangle of cause-and-effect.

 

Time drifts away as they explore each others mouths. With every drunk needy moan, the kiss deepens.  All that matters is the noises they can pull from each other. Each one more desperate than the one before.  Each one bringing them closer to leaving together.  The shrill tone from Cas’ phone it what brings them both up for some much needed air.  Cas glances at his phone and sees that the interruption was caused by Gabriel. He was informing them that the _sixth time_ was indeed the charm and that Castiel and Balth shouldn't wait up for him.  With this, Cas sends off a standard ‘be safe’ response and then a separate text to Balth telling him that he had found his own ‘fancy mistake’ as well.  Cas looks up to the blonde staring at him with a hunger in his eyes that only Cas can satisfy.

 

Dean’s capturing Cas’ lips again before he even gets the chance to put his phone down.  They exchange a few more kisses before Cas finally suggest they move this somewhere less public.  Dean offers his home since he’s the closer of the two.  Dean shoots a text to his friends and soon both of them are in the back of a taxi failing horribly to keep it PG-13.

 

Dean lives in a modest two bedroom apartment.  Or at least Cas thinks he does, he’s a little too distracted to actually give a damn and take in his surroundings. They finally make it to Dean’s room and they fall into his bed as gracefully as two drunken six foot something men can.  

 

Dean starts undressing Cas, his lips finding and exploring each new piece of naked skin.  Cas soon takes charge after he decides that Dean is taking too long to get things started. He flips Dean on his back and straddles him, taking control, promising to satisfy Dean's every ache and need.

 

-===-

 

The first thing Cas notices when he wakes up is that he is clearly not in his bed.  He turns toward the direction of the soft snores coming from his left and is greeted with the most beautiful face.  He can’t help but think that it is more soft and peaceful in the delicate morning sun. It always amazes Cas how soft and fragile men can look when they sleep. Cas wonders if he should wake the him up so he can remove his eyepatch, that can’t be too comfortable to sleep in, but once he realizes what an awkward conversation that could be potentially be, he abandons that train of thought.  Cas would love nothing more than to kiss this man awake but a glance at the clock lets him know that if he leave very soon, he’s going to miss an appointment with one of his clients.

 

With no time to get across town to his apartment to change and make it to his appointment on time, Cas takes an extreme liberty and uses Dean’s shower to wash off the smell of a good fuck from the night before and attempt to maintain some type of professionalism.

 

He calls for a cab before he steps into the steamy shower.  When comes out about ten minutes later, Castiel contemplates breaking his rule and leaving this beautiful man his phone number. He is still contemplating what he wants to do when he walks back into Dean’s room and finds him wide wake. Cas’ decision is easily made for him when Dean haughtily calls him by the wrong name. Cas is reminded why he has his rule in place with one night stands and is happy for it.

 

They exchange a few words that includes a proposition for a morning fuck from Dean but Cas declines.  Hell, even despite being called the wrong name and his rule, Cas still is tempted to leave this man his number.  There’s just something about him that draws Cas to him.  In a moment of weakness, or rather stupidity, Castiel leaves Dean his number and is out the door right after.

 

-===-

 

Cas’ meeting takes a few hours but goes well. He’s apprehensive to take on this new case but he just hopes to make sure that they get a happy ending. Castiel didn’t always want to be go into Social Work. While he was in college he didn’t have a clue what he wanted to do.  He had felt to lost and the only direction he had was to follow in his Father’s footsteps and go into law, just as Michael had done. He knew that he wanted to travel but his father was against it.  He didn’t see the point, especially not on his dime. He threatened to cut Castiel off if he ever found out that he wasted his money traveling instead of using it on what his father deemed appropriate. The summer of his sophomore year, Castiel decided to rebel a little and traveled to Los Angeles under the pretense that he was completing an internship out there with an up and coming law firm. His Dad was ecstatic that his youngest son was following in his footsteps, or at least he thought.  Castiel was really going out to California to meet up with some friends and attend the Los Angeles Pride Parade.  

 

No one in his family, except for Gabe, knew that he was gay.  At first, like most young and confused people trying to find themselves, he thought he was bisexual.  Not fully ready to accept what/who he truly was.  Still trying to hold onto that chapter in his life where he was blissfully naive and knew for a fact, or at least for the most part, that he was unconditionally loved and accepted by his family.

 

That summer in Los Angeles was nothing short of life changing. Castiel had found himself, or at least who he wanted to become.  He became comfortable with who he was and more importantly, he  accepted it.  

 

During his fun on the sunny west coast, Castiel had looked into different schools, majors, and career paths. He found his revelation one random day while grocery shopping at the local supermarket. Some piece of shit parents were threatening to physically punish their small child because it wanted to be held instead of staying in the shopping cart. He didn't understand how unfit ‘parents’ were allowed to...well parent.  There were so many other people out there childless, who would give anything to provide love and support to a child and for whatever reason these two assholes were blessed with a child.  It made no sense to him.  When Castiel got home later that evening, he did some research on child protective services.  He wanted to find a way to protect children who weren't able to protect themselves.

 

From his research Cas finally realized what he wanted to go to school for and where.  He decided he would transfer to the University of Michigan.  They are one of the top ranking schools for their Master of Social Work Program.

 

Gabe once again was the first to know about another one of Cas’ life changing decisions. He knew that he could find support within his brother.  His brother was the only one to support his choice at first.  His father didn’t understand why Castiel didn’t just fully go into law and help them that way.  But that wasn’t enough for Castiel.  He wanted to be more involved, more hands on.  Eventually, one-by-one his family started to come around and accept and support his choice. Soon he was moving to Michigan to continue his education.

 

Now Castiel works for a firm that specializes in making sure that their first priority will forever and always be the children.

 

-===-

 

“So Balth tells me that you had a good night as well?” Gabe says with a mouth full of meat lovers pizza.

 

“Chew like you have a secret dumbass. And yes, I had a very good night.” Cas grabs them some beers from the fridge.  The brothers are having some bonding time before they head off to their weekly Sunday night family dinner.

 

“Well don’t leave me hanging Broba-fett, how was he?”

 

“Age before beauty. Who’d you end up going home with?”

 

“Fine but I want details!”, Cas nodded his head in agreement and Gabe continued, “She was a beautiful mature woman, she-”

 

“YOU FUCKED A GRANDMOTHER?!”

 

“No dickweed! And you call me disgusting! Think more blonde Demi Moore, firm and tight in all the right places.” he finishes his story with an obnoxious eyebrow bounce.

 

“So you hooked up with a cougar?

 

“And I was her poor little baby cub that needed to be taught a lesson.”

 

“If I wasn’t already into dick, that mental picture right there, would have turned me. Cas makes a gagging sound.

 

“Aye! Don’t knock it until you try it buddy boy!” Gabriel takes a swig of his beer, “okay baby bro, your turn!”

 

“Oh Gabe, he was fucking beautiful! Dirty blonde hair, green eyes that Van Gogh would have been jealous of and he wore an eyepatch.  He was a little bit taller than me and an ass that could rival the Cap himself!”

 

Gabriel was staring at Cas with a curious expression on his face. “Are you really going to try and skip over the fact that he was wearing an eyepatch?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Okay then….Ass like Captain America, got it. That’s a huge compliment coming from you. I know what a hard on you have for Chris Evans.”

 

“Big indeed,” Cas winked. “Gabriel...I left him my number! Hell, if I didn’t have to meet up with a client later that day, I would have stuck around for another round. Even if that fucker didn’t remember my name.”

 

Gabe gives a low whistle, “that’s a lot coming from you. Thought you weren’t a repeat offender unless a relationship was involved.”

 

“And I’m usually not but the sex and the conversation was just that good.” Castiel sighed. “He has full sleeves Gabe, what in the hell  is not to like?”

 

“The fact that he forgot your name and apparently is on Captain Jack Sparrow's crew?”

 

Castiel throws a pillow at Gabe. “Don’t be an asshole.”

 

“Sorry,” He says with absolutely no remorse in his voice. “Shit, you’ve got it bad. You think he’ll call?”

 

“Probably not but I had to leave the option open for him.” Cas sighs.

 

“Yeah I hear ya.” Gabe holds up his beer, “Here’s to our ‘fancy mistakes’ baby bro.” The brothers clink their bottles together and finish the rest of their meal in companionable silence.  A few hours pass and they fill them with videogames, catching up on a few shows on netflix and napping.  Before they know it, it’s time to head off to have dinner with the family.

 

“Ready to act like we give a fuck about these smucks?” Gabriel ask as he holds the door open for Cas to pass through.

  
“If I have to.” Cas locks the door to his loft and the brothers head downstairs to Gabriel’s car. 


	4. Batman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took so long. I have no excuses, but I will try to be better! :)

Why Dean ever wanted to become a teacher is beyond him. He pleads temporary insanity. He honestly hated school when he was in it.  All the standardized testing and all that junk was pointless, some intelligence just can't be measured within a general standard. He wasn’t the best student either, always ditching and doing the bare minimum to get by.  But guess that’s to be expected when he was basically running his house even though he wasn’t even old enough to vote yet.  Things only seemed to get harder from there, but that’s not something he allows himself to think about too often. Especially not right now when he has a classroom full uninterested teenagers he’s trying to educate.

The first week goes just about how anyone would expect.  Students catching up with one another, talking about what they did over break and their goals for this upcoming school year.  Thankfully most of Dean’s students are ones he’s had in the past.  His classes are mostly senior level but he does have two junior classes, so the eyepatch jokes are minimal. He only gets a few of them from those little assholes who peak in high school, _we all know the type._ It’s nothing that he can’t handle of course and if for some reason he can’t most of those little shits are on the football team and Coach Benny is one of his closest friends with a very low tolerance for any type of bullshit towards Dean.

It’s the third Thursday of the month, which unfortunately means they have a faculty meeting after school.  Dean’s not looking forward to being at work longer just to listen to his colleagues bitch and complain about their students and class curriculum.  If those particular teachers just gave a damn then everyone would be better off. If they just realized that they could change someone’s life by just believing in them and giving them hope the world would change.  Well maybe not the world but at least a few people’s lives, and if you can make a positive impact on one person isn’t it all worth it? Dean thinks it is. He knows all too well what it would have meant to him when he was younger to someone in his corner besides his family, someone to push him to go farther within his education. Thankfully during his first year of college he was lucky to find an advisor who did just that.

College was just a means to an end for him in a way.  A way for him to make a substantial amount of money to continue to take care of himself and Sam until Sam was old enough to do it himself. And if it wasn’t for Bobby he probably wouldn’t have even considered college but Bobby told him that if he didn’t go to college than Sam probably wouldn’t either. Damn kid looked up to Dean way too much sometimes.  It was a lot of pressure but Dean wouldn’t give that up for anything.  He also thinks it was Bobby’s sneaky way of getting him to go to college, he knew, and still knows, that Dean will do anything for his younger brother and if it happens to actually benefit Dean, well then all the better.  

Dean finds himself sandwiched between Charlie and Gabriel, who both teach Computer Science, with Benny, who also teaches History and Joanna (Jo), who teaches Biology sitting across the table. He spots Jessica a few rows up with the Art teacher Lisa and Math teacher Anna.

The meeting finally starts when Principal Uriel and Vice Principal Naomi take their place amongst the rest of the administration.  Uriel and Naomi asked the Faculty to call them by their first names in order to open up the line of communication more.  But if they wanted to that to happen, they should try fixing their faces, Dean thought.  Chronic bitchfaces were intimidating as fuck, especially on a guy who looks like he could snap your neck without even breaking a sweat and a woman who puts Cruella De Vil to shame. One cold day last winter she had come to work in a fur big brown fur coat. Charlie and Gabe had scoured the web during their lunch break to see if there were any puppy nappings in the last few months.

After a torturous hour and a half, the group of misfits heads out to The Roadhouse for some burgers and beer. They complained about how annoying the meeting was and make fun of some of their co-workers.  Gabe fills them all in on his current relationship status with Kali and his most recent “fancy mistake” as he called it. Charlie seems to be the only one interested in his telling of how his experience with “a more mature woman”. Dean comments that Gabe actually hooked up with someone’s old wrinkly grandma but Gabe insists that he did not, that she was Demi Moore level hot.

After a few more rounds and ample time to sober up, they all head home after making plans to meet up on Friday for the first football game of the season.  Although the students need support, they mostly go to cheer for Benny.  Whoever said that the coach didn’t need their own cheering section was a selfish bastard.

-===-

Friday flies by quickly and in no time they’re all meeting up at Dean and Sam’s place to head over to the game.  Well, everyone except for Benny, who of course is already there and Charlie, who is running tech. They usually get pretty good seats right behind Benny to yell out supporting words of encouragement when needed and insults whenever Benny starts to take the game too seriously. Everyone’s in jeans and tees with their school’s mascot on them. Dean brings an extra pair of clothes along because right after the game he has to head over to The Roadhouse for his shift.

It’s turns out to be a really close game, the other school giving them a run for their money but they were able to pull out a win by just one touch-down. Dean runs down to the field to congratulate Benny and his team on the win and soon he’s off to work.

Thankfully Ellen has good taste and his work uniform isn’t something horrible and will definitely help them get more tips because everyone likes an attractive, well dressed waiter. As he’s finishing up changing into his uniform in private bathroom, Dean takes a moment to admire how good he looks.  His uniform is simple and elegant but by no means soft. It’s sort of a mix of Bruce Wayne and John Mc Clane, tough and powerful but could also land you on any gossip magazine’s best dressed list. The uniform consist of black slacks and a long-sleeve black button down and accented with a matching dark brown leather belt and suspenders that cross in the back with silver accents. Because the summer was blending into fall Dean opted to roll his sleeves up a little above his elbows allowing him a chance to show off his ink.

He loves all of his tattoos and hasn’t regretted any of them. They tell a story of who he is, a picture book of his life. The art on his arms blends seamlessly from one piece to the other. Each one is beautiful and vibrant like a painting that was completed with one simple brush stroke. He had all his tattoos done by the same person. Pamela Barnes was full of talent and sass and could kick your ass just as easily as she sketched out your tat.  

On his left arm he had all the things that represented him; comic book characters ranging from Batman and Wonder Women to X-Men and the Avengers. He also had sugar skulls and a Vonnegut quote on that arm. His right arm was strictly for his family; it had a couple tattoos to represent Mary and Sam.

Dean for the most part is a Marvel fan, he loves the Avengers and X-men, but DC has his heart. He remembered coming home after school and watching “Batman: The Animated Series”. That cartoon had helped to spark it all. It introduced him to the world of comics, gave him another world to slip into; to escape from all the harsh realities that were going on around him. His own Batcave if you will.

He identified with Batman/Bruce for the darkest reasons. Most people might relate to Batman as a hero that has been able to overcome so many hardships. But no, Dean identified with Bruce Wayne, the boy who had seen his own mother die. Yes, the circumstances had been different, but both deaths were the cause of terrible evil. And how twisted is it to think that Batman had got off easy watching his parents die the way they did, instantly by a gunshot, whereas Dean had to watch his mom deteriorate and suffer for years before she was finally at peace. They both had to grow up fast after that.

Dean didn’t notice it at the time, hell he didn’t really notice it until recently, but he lost his father the day his mom passed away. John was never the same once Mary got diagnosed.  Can’t really blame him but sometimes Dean used to wish it was him who got diagnosed instead of his mother.  

-===-

The first half of Dean’s shift went pretty well, mostly filled with regulars.  He’s been getting pretty decent tips and it thankfully hasn’t been too hectic.  Currently he’s stuffing his face with a specially made burger from Ellen and trying to finish up an episode of ‘Jessica Jones’. That girl is incredibly badass! 

It wasn’t until the second half of his shift when everything went to shit. The place became packed and had a forty minute wait time. The kitchen a well as the bar were completely backed up on orders.  And as usual the later it got the more asshole-y the customer became. Dean was a server, not a servant and his tables needed to understand that, particularly a group college frat boys that were at one of his tables currently.

Sometimes people just didn’t have any manners and they should thank their lucky stars that Dean couldn’t afford to pay anyone back for the bail money. On top of that, Ellen would probably kick his ass for beating the shit out of one of her customers. _It’s bad for business Dean!_ Well, assholes were bad for the planet so really Dean would be doing the world a favor. 

 _They’re welcome._  

Finally after what seemed like a lifetime and a half, he was helping to quickly lock up so they could soon head home. He couldn’t wait to get home and take a hot shower and just veg out on the couch watching some Netflix with his sasquatch of a little brother. He feels as though he hasn’t spent any time with him lately and he’s kind of been missing him something fierce lately. Hopefully Sam is home and alone.  He loves Jess but Dean just really wants some bro time.

-==- 

Soon enough Dean is walking into his apartment only to stop dead in his tracks when he sees in his beautiful home, on his beautiful couch, is Sam, Jessica, and a little mutt of a dog. They all three turn to look at him, each sporting their own version of puppy dog eyes.  Goddamn, even sitting next to an actual dog, Sam’s version is winning out.  But then again those eyes are pretty much Dean’s kryptonite.  Dean has a small idea of where this potential conversation may be headed so he tries to put a stop to it before they can even open their mouths; “No. Nope. Don’t even ask!”

Dean moves fully into living room to put down his bag and quickly moves to the kitchen to grab himself a bottle of water.

“But Dean! She’ll be all alone at my place this weekend. I can't leave her all alone to die!!” Jessica pouts.

“Then have Sam watch her at your house Jessica. She'll be fine with Jolly the Green Giant watching her over there.” Dean answers.

“Actually…I won't be here either,” Sam winces before he continues, “I got last minute tickets to go see this show Jess has been wanting to see but it's at a venue that's a few hours out so we wanted to make a weekend out of it...if that’s okay?” Sam’s face is all scrunched up as if Dean is going to forbid him from going out or something.

“You don't have to ask for permission to have a slumber party with your girlfriend Sammy, you're not in high school anymore.” That gets him a bitchface.

“Thanks asshole. I know I don't need your permission but we do need you to watch her dog. We've honestly asked everyone we know, trust me when I say that you were the last choice.”

“I don't know if I should be grateful or offended by that.”

“Oh Dean, you swear! We just know how you feel about pets. But pretty pretty please! We need to leave in about an hour and you're our only hope!” Jess pleaded.

“Don't _Star Wars_ me Jessica! I know when I'm being sweet talked.” Dean fakes a smile.

“That's so not what I'm doing Dean.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'll watch the mutt.”

“You will?!?” Jess is practically bouncing up and down, there no way Dean could take that smile away from her.

“Yes. As long as you promise not to bring home any real babies, I'll do it. We just got Sam to use the big-boy potty and between you and me, his aim could use a little work.” Dean finishes in a stage whisper to Jessica.

“I'll have him trained before he returns home on Sunday!”  She tells Dean.

“Fuck the both you!” Sam rolls his eyes.

“That's the plan Samuel.” she winks at Sam.

“Ew. And that’s my cue,” Dean walks over to hug his brother and his girlfriend goodbye. “Just make sure to leave me her care directions on the counter before you leave. I'm off to bed. Have a safe trip and be safe.” With that Dean’s off to his bed.  He should at least shower but he's not feeling so up to it anymore. He can feel himself slipping into a shitty mood.  Guess he was lonelier and more down than he had first realized. Before he can slip any further, he quickly goes through his nightly routine and is soon in complete darkness save for his tv which is playing old episodes of _Friends._

-===-

When Dean wakes the next morning, his mood hadn't improved. He feels as though he’s just simply existing, just going through the motions.

He gets up to feed Jess’ dog Einstein, a beautiful brown terrier with dark honey eyes and then feeds himself. Cooking has always relaxed Dean so he decides to make himself a big breakfast.  He decides to whip up some waffles using his mom’s recipe with some bacon and eggs on the side. Anything that reminds him of his mom is always going to improve his mood, even if it’s just slightly or even just temporary.

This Saturday, Dean doesn’t have to be at work until 4pm. Ellen makes sure to always give him the best shifts over the weekends.  He sulks around his apartment and tries to pull himself out of his funk.  It happens to him often enough that he knows what he needs to do to bring himself into a better headspace.

He discovered that writing, listening to music, and playing some violent video games usually does the trick.  This time around though, Dean added a bit of cuddling with Einstein and some Netflix.

He gets the most comfort from writing.  He finds that it’s the only time he’s able to be the most honest, the most vulnerable. He’s able to write everything out that he can’t say out loud. At first he had thought that writing his feelings down was kind of… well stupid to be completely honest. Dean was never one to talk about his feelings, his Dad letting him know from an early age that boys just didn’t do that. Often times, his mother would find him hiding out in his room with a tear stained facing trying to hide out from his Dad. She would sit with him and let him know that everything was alright. She had this way of getting him to talk through his feelings while still making him feel like he was making his dad proud.

Sam was the one who had bought him his first journal right after his accident.  He told him it would be a good and healthy way for Dean to _express himself_ or some similar chick-flick nonsense. Surprisingly though, Sam was right and writing really did help Dean a lot.  Now Dean has an entire bookshelf dedicated to his old journals, always keeping his current one close by.

 

Most of the pages are about how Dean has been dealing with his limited eyesight. Somedays he completely forgets that he can’t see out of both eyes. During the first few months after the accident, Dean would forget and put a contact in his left eye.

Secretly he would pray that some of the vision in that eye would return but as the days passed he began to lose his faith. He’s had about three surgeries to try and correct the problem, even make just a slight improvement; but nothing has ever helped. He knows his mom would always want him to keep hope alive, to never give up and continue to have faith but Dean’s beginning to wonder if he’ll ever feel whole again.  

After a quick impromptu nap, Dean takes Einstein out to get some fresh air and to handle some doggie business and then he's off to his shift at The Roadhouse. Being around his extended family does wonders for his mood and he's starting to feel like himself again, simply content. He thankfully has a really good night in tips and before he knows it, he's back at his apartment.

He's in a good enough mood when he gets home that he sends Jess and Sam a selfie of him and the mutt hanging out on the couch. They send him a selfie back and Dean and Sam text back and forth for a little. They catch each other up on their days and make plans for a brother’s only day since Sam mentioned that they haven't seen much of each other lately. _Sam’s such a needy bastard_ , Dean couldn't be happier. He falls asleep with a small smile playing on his lips.

-===-

 

The next few weeks pass in a blur. His students are now getting ready for their midterms and all his colleagues are very stressed out. Charlie suggest a night out and everyone eagerly agrees.

Their night out turns into a night in at the brother’s apartment. It's filled with laughter, love, terrible karaoke (and who was the one brought that?), and a shit-ton of beer.

As the night winds down and their friends either leave or find a place in the apartment to sleep for the night, the brothers head outside. They start reminiscing about their childhood and discussing things like the future. Sam wants the ‘American Dream’, beautiful house with the 2.5 kids, a wife and a dog; and it's perfect for Sam. He's going to make an amazing husband and father someday, despite their childhood.  When Sam asked Dean if he wants the same thing, Dean shrugs it off with a joke and changes the subject. Sam being fluent in Dean speak, knows he pressed too far and allows Dean to change the subject. They talk about random things for another hour or so but Dean catches Sam falling asleep and they head in.

If they were younger Dean would have just carried Sam in and tucked him into his covers but Sam’s a freaking giant now so Dean nudges him awake. They both get ready for bed and soon bid each other a goodnight.


	5. Food for Three

It’s a late start day for Sandover, a day for Dean to sleep in a bit longer and take his time preparing for his day.  Which of course means that Sam drags him out of bed to meet up with him and Jess for breakfast. They meet up at a small diner not to far from the high school.  He sees his favorite couple sitting in a corner booth in the back. 

As soon as Dean’s in Jess’ line of vision she burst out in hysterical laughter. He raises a confused eyebrow towards her while he proceeds to sit down across from her and Sam. As soon as he does, he realizes what’s got her so worked up.  Him and Sam are matching. Like a pair of seven year old twins whose mom still thinks it’s cute to force them to dress the same.  They’re in the same exact shirt, same colored pants and shoes. Dean is seriously thinking about turning into one of his senior girls and  _ accidently _ spilling something on Sammy so he has to change.  _ Damn teen girls are so vicious these days.  _  But in this particular moment he’s understanding their motive behind it because  _ bitch stole his look  _ and for some reason that’s pissing him right the fuck off. He hates matching with Sam. His mom used to dress them in matching outfits when they were younger. Dean hated then and he hates it now.  _ He’s his own person goddamit! _

“Aww you're matching! Lemme get a picture! It’s so cute!” Jessica particularly squeals.

“Nah, I don’t want Dean to feel bad about himself. He’s like a knock off, less hotter version of me.” Sam flips his hair to the side. 

“Okay Regina George. We both know who’s the better looking brother.”  _ Wow Dean needs to stop eavesdropping on his students. _ Granted he had to look up what a “Regina George’ was but that’s beside the point. 

“Whatever Paul Bunyan.” 

“Whatever Paul Bunyan…”, Dean mocks. “We both know I’m the better looking one. I’m the Brawny man and you're his retarded looking cousin.”

“I do not look retarded! You look retarded jerk!”

“Bitch”

“Hey! We do not use that word! Stop being assholes.”

Dean and Sam both mumble sorry. 

“And sorry babe but word around the teacher’s lounge is that Dean is very very bangable. Their words not mine. You don’t know how many conversations I’ve had to excuse myself from because some of the ladies went into detail of what they wanted to do to him.”

Dean just sits back and smiles triumphantly at Sam. 

“Psh you might want to order a school wide eye exam then.”

“Jealousy isn’t a good look on you Sammy.”

“No one’s jealous of you Dean. And it’s Sam!”

“Sure...don’t worry  _ Sammy _ , you’ll eventually grow into that big head of yours.” Sam swiftly kicks Dean in the shin but before Dean has a chance to retaliate the waitress comes by to get their food and drink orders.

They continue with small talk. Updating each other on their latest work drama and trying to decide what they should dress up as for Halloween when their food is dropped off. 

Last year the brothers threw a big Halloween party. Well it was supposed to be just a small gathering, but things got out of hand.  Things usually get that way when Gabriel is involved though. It’s like he has a special talent for fucking shit up...usually in a good way though. 

Usually. 

This year the brothers are thinking of trying to convince Ellen to throw something at the bar. She’d make a killing. And believe it or not, Dean enjoys party planning. All he needs is her permission to use The Roadhouse and Dean will take care of the rest. With Sam and his puppy dog eyes, it shouldn’t be too hard to get her to agree. 

They’re deep into their party planning and costume ideas when their waitress comes to drop off their check. Big shot lawyer Sammy pays the bill and Dean jokes that he should have ordered more. While they finish up the rest of their meals and wait for the check to be picked up, Jess brings up the guest list for their potential party, more specifically she brings up who Dean is going to invite.

“Mmm...kind of like bringing sand to the beach don’t you think?”

“I guess but you can never be too prepared Dean.”

“Rule one” don’t plan your one night stands. Takes away all of the magic. And what happens if I bring some chick but decide I rather go home with some hot dude? No thanks, I rather avoid the drama.”

“Well aren’t you a saint.” Sam chimes in.

“Just doing my civic duty Sammy.”

Jess rolls her eyes at the brothers. She can’t believe she wants to marry one of them. 

The check is finally picked up, hopefully it doesn’t take another million years to get it back for Sam to sign. 

“Hey! What happened to that guy you met when you went out with Benny? You know the one you hooked up with.”

“Yes Jess, I know who you’re talking about. And what do you mean ‘what happened to him’? He said no repeats, so no repeats.”

“But he gave you his number.”

“Your point? I get lots of numbers from people. Doesn’t mean anything.”

“If a person says they don’t do repeats and then proceeds to leave you their number it means a lot Dean. Plus you seemed so gone on the guy.”

“What?! Gone on him?! Jessica you need to stop watching the LIfetime channel. I am not gone on anyone. Sammy control your woman.”

“Ha! You think I can control her?” Sam leans into peck Jess on her cheek, “I don’t get in the way of her shows, I know better. But i’ve got to agree, you did seem more…”, with Dean’s warning glare Sam makes sure to choose his next words carefully, “I don’t know...giddy.”

“Giddy?! Really Sammy?”

“Okay. Affected, happy, whatever adjective you want to use. You just seemed like you were interested in him. I think you should give him a call. Maybe invite him to the party.”

“Me too Dean! You deserve something...or someone good in your life.”

“Thank you for your unwanted opinion, but the guy said no repeats. He probably doesn’t remember me anyhow.”

“I don’t know Dean, ugly mug like your is hard to forget.” Just then their waitress drops of the receipt Sam to sign. 

“Shut up and sign the damn receipt Samantha.”

**_===_**

 

Cas does infact remember Dean, how could he not? He’s been fueling his mastabatory fantasies ever since he left him that morning. He can’t seem to stop thinking about him. Even when all his thoughts should be focused on the man underneath him, like now for instance.  He’s got a very attractive dark-haired, twenty-something currently whispering praises in his ear and all he can think of is Dean. He doesn’t understand how someone he fucked once could have such a profound affect on him. But it’s those thoughts that help fuck harder, faster and empty himself into his condom a bit earlier than he usually would like. Don’t worry he made sure his guest finished first, he is a gentleman of course; but he does have a reputation to protect.  Thankfully Bruce...Tom..whatever his name is looks satisfied and well, isn’t that what’s important here?

But just because he’s a gentleman doesn't mean he didn’t ask his guest to see himself out as soon as he was done freshening up in the restroom. So Cas is a little bit of an asshole, whoops. He’s given his heart to too many others in the past and he prefers not to go down that road again. Thank you very much. He will never again give someone his most vital organ. Never again fall victim to something as trivial, silly, and weak as love.

And yet, every time Dean worms his way into his thoughts, he can feel himself getting stupid little butterflies and getting all wax poetic about the fucker. It’s not like him, not the current him anyways. The old Cas? Yes. The weak Cas? Definitely. But not this Cas, not the Cas that thinks with his head and not his heart.  He just needs to get a few more people under him and fuck them until he forgets all about that beautiful green-eyed man.

It’ll happen eventually.

Hopefully.

**_===_**

Castiel is not a morning person. He’s grumpy, hungry, and uncaffeinated. Mornings for Cas are public enemy number one.  There are only two things he hates more than mornings, and that is morning people _(it’s inhuman to be that chipper that early)_ and waking up late. And unfortunately he’s currently dealing with all three this morning. For some reason his alarm didn’t go off which means he only has 30 minutes to rush through his morning routine and get himself to work, where he has to deal with those dreadful morning people.

Cas cannot be late, today is too important. There’s a big meeting first thing this morning and then after that he’s got back-to-back appointments with clients all day. Hopefully the day passes fast because Cas is already counting down the minutes until he’ll be able to be back in his bed. 

The meeting goes by fairly quickly, his Supervisor Nick Young updates Cas and his colleagues on new laws, procedures, and cases. Thankfully, Cas’s coworkers are very passionate about their jobs so they’re usually up to date on most legal changes. They all share with each their progress on their current cases and then soon after they are dismissed. Before Cas can even make it out of the conference room, Nick request that he follow him to his office. No matter how old you get, how good you may be at your job, following your boss to their office will always feel like going to the principal’s office to receive a punishment. Nick asks Cas to take a seat and they exchange pleasantries. 

After a few moments of awkward silence, Nick lets Cas know why he needed to speak with him. He wants to offer Cas a promotion. He’s been evaluating Castiel’s performance for some time now, and Nick believes there is no one more deserving of this promotion. Social workers care about the wellbeing of others and want to make things better and relieve suffering. Nick knows no one who does that better than Castiel. 

Humbled by all the praise, Castiel accepts the promotion and they set up a future meeting to go over the details. Before he leaves Nick’s office, he’s given a pretty heavy box with instructions from Nick not to open until he can do so privately.

Cas decides to save the unboxing for the privacy of his own home and proceeds to group text Balth and Gabe about his promotion. All congratulatory replies and excited comments from both. They make plans to meet up that friday night to celebrate. 

The rest of his day goes smoothly and soon Cas is turning off the lights in his office and grabbing his box to head home. He’s still in a good mood from the news he received today and decides to make himself one of his favorite dishes, spaghetti carbonara paired with a white wine. While he’s in the middle of cooking he receives a phone call from his older brother Michael. 

“Hello, Michael”

“Wow Cassie, are things are so distant between us that I had to find out from Gabriel about your promotion?” 

Castiel feels a pang of guilt for not sharing the news with his eldest brother but they aren’t close, he didn’t think he’d really care. 

“I apologize Michael I got busy with a case”

“Yeah, I know how that goes,” Castiel isn’t sure but thinks he can hear sadness and disappointment in his brother’s voice. 

“Well look, how about Saturday you, Gabe, and I all get together to celebrate over lunch or dinner? Haven’t seen you guys in a while, it’ll be nice to catch up and what a better reason to get together?”

It has been a few months since him and Gabe have both seen Michael.

“Yeah, Michael that sounds great. I’ll let Gabe know. Lets try for an early dinner.”

“Sounds good Castiel.” 

They talk for a few more minutes and then Castiel excuses himself to finish preparing his dinner. Castiel settles on his couches just in time for the new episode of “Dr.Sexy” to begin.

After the credits roll for the episode and the preview for next week is shown, Cas takes his plate into the kitchen to quickly wash. He puts away the leftovers and soon settled into the couch to open the box Nick gave him earlier. 

Of all the things Castiel imagined to be in the box, what’s actually in there was not one of them. Inside the box is stacks and stacks of letters, stuffed toys, and a variety of sweets. Confused Cas grabs the first letter on top of the stack to read. It’s written in crayon with drawings on the bottom. It reads: 

_ Dear Mr. Cas, _

_ Thanks for helping me and my baby brother finds a home.  _

_ Our new mom and dad are really really nice and they bakes us cookies  _

_ and read us bedtime stories! We love you to Mr. Cas! _

_ -From Andrew and Kyle _

Castiel is in tears. He remembers that case, the parents were heavily into drugs, addicted to the worse kinds, and could no longer provide properly for their children. There were no other family members to take in the brothers. Cas was so scared they were going to be another victim of the system. The system that was supposed to be the one helping them. Needless to say Castiel was beyond happy when he was informed that the brothers were going to be adopted.

Cas reads a few more and looks at all the gifts he was given. Stuffed toys, letters containing photographs, and drawings similar to Andrew’s. He even received some letters from the adults involved in the children's lives, all thanking him for caring. And isn’t that something, people have to be thanked for caring about someone? That shouldn’t be something rewarded, it’s something a decent human being should do anyways, but I guess that’s just the thing, most people aren’t basic human beings in this day and age. Everyone is out for their own. Nothing is wrong with that but these children need help from someone else, it’s sad that so many people ignore that fact. 

The stuffed toys are mostly teddy bears in all different colors, cats and dogs, bunnies and Cas’ favorite, bees. Cas has always loved bees always reading up on the species ever since he was young. This really helps him bond with the kids, young and old. He can talk the basics with the younger ones, even drawing them pics of the different kinds of bees out there and talking crazy interesting facts with the older kids. 

He learned early on that if you find a way to bond with the kids they’re more likely to share their world with you. Let you know what's going on emotionally and unfortunately sometimes physically with them. They just need to know that they are in a safe place and Cas does everything he can to make sure he gives that to them. 

He’s emotionally drained but in the best kind of way. It’s humbling to know that he has touched so many lives. Makes it all worth it. He goes to bed with a full heart. 

-===-

The rest of Cas’ week passes just as easily as it came.  The news of his promotion makes its way around the office. He makes a considerable amount of process on his current cases and gets himself prepared for his court appearance next week. 

When he’s home, he goes through more letters and decides that he need to find a place to store them all besides the box. He decides to makes a type of scrapbook for the majority of the letters and photos and frame a few of the extra special ones. He has yet to get through a night without tears falling but he assumes that's a good sign that he’s doing something he loves. 

It makes him wish he had someone to share these moments with. Someone to share his life with, to come home to after a good or bad day. Maybe eventually he’ll let his walls down but for now he has his friends and brothers to share such days and moments with. 

Since his phone call with Michael earlier in the week, Castiel has made it a point to try and reach out to his brother more, especially when it’s work related.  Michael works in law, more specifically he is a lawyer for family law, mostly he works on divorce cases, but he’s widely known for always putting the children in the case first. He’s walked away from a number of clients to only show up on the opposing side during court, all because the child needs weren’t being put first. Michaels biggest pet peeve is when his clients try and use their children as a bargaining chip. He’s called Castiel in on a few cases in the past and referred a few clients to him as well. 

Cas snaps a few photos of the letters and gifts he received and sends a text off to his brother. Michael ends up calling him to tell him how proud of him he is. He’s glad he’s making an impact on so many people's lives. They talk a while longer and confirm plans for Saturday before saying their goodbyes.  Cas wonders if there is someone new in his brother’s life that’s bringing out this softer side of his brother. He’ll definitely have to ask him when they meet for dinner. 

_===_

For whatever reason Cas and Balth let Gabriel pick the restaurant for tonight's celebration. But to be fair, if Gabriel knows anything, he knows food. He picks a place where his friend works, so that means one of three things. He has either fucked this person, going to fuck this person, or the least likely option, it’s actually just a friend of his. Hopefully his connections, whatever they may be work, because this placed is packed. 

Gabe talks to the hostess and in no time the three of them are being seated outside in the front patio. Cas casually wonders if that’s the friend his brother was referring to. She doesn’t seem like his type but then again his brother will fall into bed with pretty much anyone. It all just depends on his mood at the moment, but usually he’s on the straight and narrow. 

The restaurant has a fun hipster-ish vibe to it. Taking all things ‘vintage’ and making them shiny, new, and usually over priced.  It’s overall theme has a sort of rustic southern charm to it. The seating outside are a mix of picnic tables and high-top tables. The staff here is neatly dressed in slacks and button downs, each adding their own personal flair to the uniforms. The music playing in the background is some top-forty nonsense. 

A cute blonde comes over to take their drink orders while they wait for their actual waiter to make his way over.  _ Now this girl seems more like Gabe’s type. _

“So when does the promotion officially start little bro?”

“We’re having a meeting next week to discuss the details.”

“Cassie, I do hope you’ll do your research and not go in blind. Make sure the pay you what you’re worth, and then some if you can. Squeeze all you can out of them.” Balthazar raises his eyebrows at Cas. 

“Yes Balth I plan on doing some research this weekend, I’ve even asked Michael for some help.”

“Be sure that you do.”

“Well look at you and Mikey getting all close and what-not. Good for you two.”

“Aww jealous that you’ll be replaced by a more superior model Gabriel?”

“Shut it Balth! Cassie knows I’m one of a kind!” Gabe turns over to Cas, “You do know that right?”

How his brother could ever think he’s replaceable is beyond him. He and Cas have been through alot together. Have had each others backs for forever. Nothing could change that. Of course he can’t tell Gabe that, least not right away. As the younger brother it’s his job to be a pain in the ass. 

“Mmm...I hear NASA is pretty close to cloning actual humans. They can even improve on the faults of the original version. Improve all of their shortcomings.”

“Yes, emphasis on short.” Balth adds. 

Cas nods in agreement. “They could make a Gabriel 2.0! Faster, stronger, taller!”

“And definitely smarter. Although that shouldn’t be too hard to accomplish.”

“Fuck off Balth. And Cassie, I’ve never been so wounded. I’ve given you the best years of my life and you’re going to try and replace me with some 99 cent knock off imitation?!” Gabe clenches at his heart for dramatic affect. As if his little speech wasn’t dramatic enough. 

“I think I’ll have them keep how dramatic you are, it is very entertaining.” Gabe scowls at Cas. “I’m kidding! You know you’re only brother for me. Well Michael too but he’s not the one acting like a needy little shit right now.”

“Hey! My feelings are valid asshat!

“You’re right, your feelings are valid Gabriel. I promise you’re my brother for life. I could write it in my blood if you like. You know just in case us gestistating in the same womb isn’t enough for you.” Cas harshly rolls his eyes. 

“All I’m asking for is a little declaration every once in awhile bro-ham.”

“Do not call me that.”

“You two make me want to puke. You're codependency is atrocious.” Balth tries to to imitate gagging only to get shoved off the chair by Cas. ‘

Thier drinks are brought over and the conversation moves on from brotherly love. They continue to discuss Cas’ promotion a bit more while Balth updates them on his office and Gabe on the students in his computer classes. Cas is still baffled that someone let Gabe mold young minds. The man acts like a child himself, but that’s probably why his student’s love him so much. 

“Should have know that someone with such a shitty taste in beer could have only been you.”, Cas hears some say from behind him. 

Before he has the chance to turn around to look at who’s talking his brother responds. “Where’s Ellen?! You can’t talk to me like that! I’m a paying customer asshole!” Gabe feigns anger but Cas can see the smile behind his eyes. 

“Yeah, yeah.” The stranger moves into greet Gabe properly and from the view he’s given the guys has a very nice ass.  

“What brings you out tonight?”

“Celebrating my baby brother’s new promotion.  Gabe motions his hand across the table towards Castiel. The mysterious waiter finally turns around to greet Cas, only to be meet with a pair of familiar blue eyes.  

How Cas didn’t immediately recognize him, he will never know. But being Gabriel's brother has always taught him to be quick on his feet and to never give someone else the upper hand.  Cas quickly hides his surprise and greets Dean. “Well, well Green eyes, fancy running into you here.” Cas winks. 

Dean just stands there stunned stupid and completely caught off guard. 

“You never took me up on my offer.” 

“Offer? What offer?” Gabe looks from Cas to Dean and then back again, confusion growing with every unanswered moment. Then it hits him, “Wait do you mean  _ repeat offer?  _ Dean here is the guy you splet with? I thought we said friends were off limits? And how the hell didn't I put two and two together? I mean really, how many people do I know that wear a fucking eyepatch.”

“You done?”

“Whatever man you slept with not only my fired but we're also co-workers. You don't see me trying to sleep with English muffin over here.”

“As if.”

“Calm down Cher, me and your girl Dionne here are trying to have a conversation.”

“Who the hell is Dionne?” Cas interrupts. 

“From Clueless!” 

“Never seen it.”

“What do you mean you've never seen Clueless? Who even are you? You're uneducated in pop culture and your sleeping with my friends.”

“To be fair I didn't know he was your friend when I slept with him. And I'd like to add that that agreement was made when all you had was ugly friends, not the gorgeous man.”

“Umm. Hi. Still here,” Dean is finally running on all cylinders again, “And there was no offer to consider. You said no repeats rule remember?”

“There's an exception to every rule and I'd like you to be mine.”

“I'll think about it blue eyes.” It's finally Dean who throws Cas a wink. 

“Well while you think about it, would you mind ever so graciously to actually do your job? Frankly I'm starving.” Balthazar smugly cuts in. 

“Oh yeah, sorry about that man. What will you all be having?”

The guys place their orders and with one last glance thrown Cas’ way, Dean moves on to wait on his other tables.  

“Must admit, he's quite the looker Cassie. Totally understand why I got ditched that night.” Balth raises his glass in Castiel’s direction. 

Unfortunately because the night is busy, the only time Dean stops by their table is job related. Soon enough he's dropping of their check with an apology about not being able to visit more. Cas hopes that statement was more directed his way and not his brother’s. Balthazar ends up treating not only Cas but Gabriel as well to dinner.  He throws down enough for the bill and what looks like a very generous tip for Dean. Cas thanks Balth with a smile and before they get up to leave Cas quickly scribbles a little note for Dean letting him know that he'll be waiting for his answer. He leaves his number just in case. 

_===_

“Do we have to go? I'm tired, hungover, and hungry. Not a good combination. Let's just grab some wings from that place down the street and binge watch some trash tv.” 

“Since when did you develop the tolerance of a college freshman? Get off your lazy ass Gabriel. We haven't seen our brother in months and you can eat wings at the restaurant.”

Gabe just slides down to the floor and makes some weird noise that resembles a dying dolphin. 

“I am not above leaving you here Gabriel. Get the hell up!”

“You were always such an impatient child. Just know I'm only going for the food.”

“Oh no! Whatever shall I do?! I think I need a moment to console myself.”

“Whatever smartass.”

Forty-five minutes and few creative threats later, they're finally out of the door. Thankfully Castile has had years of practice waiting on his brother so he gave himself a head start on getting him out the door.  

On the way to the restaurant, Gabriel brings up Dean. “So how'd you and Dean meet?”

“You already know how we met Gabriel.” 

“Humor me. Was it lust at first sight?”

“It was and we’re here. Get out of my car, your wings await.”

They end up spending about two hours at the restaurant. The brothers had a lot to update each other on and after Gabriel got some food and more alcohol in his system, he also joined in on the brotherly bonding. They talk about the promotion of course and Michael revealed that he met someone. Cas silently congratulated himself on being right. 

His brother says this one may be the one and the Cas and Gabe ask when they can meet her. Her name is Lilith and apparently her and Michael have known each other for quite sometime before they actually started dating. Cas hopes that Michael gets a chance to settle down because if anyone deserves it, it's Michael. Before the brothers say their goodbyes, Michael and Cas make plans to meet up to discuss a future court case that Michael needs help on. They wave each there off with promises to meet up again soon.  

On the way back Gabe brings Dean up again. 

“So you're fucking my school’s history teacher. He take dick as good as I think he does?” 

“Why the fuck are you thinking about your co-workers taking dick?!”

“Dean and I are friends jackass. Answer the question.”

“Okay, why are you thinking about your  _ friends _ taking dick then? And we aren't fucking, it happened once.”

“Semantics. Spill bro.”

“If you want to know so bad why don't you ask him about it. I'm not going to discuss what your friend does in bed with you.” 

“So you'd want him to discuss what you do in bed with me? You're sick bro.”

Cas just glares at Gabe. “Point taken but I don't know why the hell you'd want to know either way.” 

“Because I want to know why you always look so gone on him whenever his name is brought up.” 

“What?! I don't look gone on him.”

“Uhh...yeah you do.”

“Whatever. Shut up.”

“Want me to talk you up? See if he like likes you?”

“God, I really do hope Nasa is close to cloning. I'll even allow them to use you for beta testing.” 

Gabe glared at Cas from the passenger seat. 

“Whatever, hide your heart. I'll be here when you need me to find out his feelings towards you.”

“I can tell you right now, that won't be necessary.”

“We’ll see.”  

 


	6. Opportunity to Gain Recognition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I prooooomise you, I will not wait this long to update again! <3 :)

Of course Cas is running late on the rainiest day to ever rain. He’s barely been on the road for ten minutes and he already wants wants to turn around and head back home. What was it about the rain that turned drivers into such idiots? They either drive too recklessly or they drive like they’re towing their Great-Grandmother down the highway. Cas would love nothing more than to call Michael and tell him they need to reschedule. 

But this case was more important than him and his feelings. Two kids, brothers, were depending on him for his help and he couldn’t let them down. Not like everyone else. The parents of the two kids were deemed unfit. And Cas’ main concern is to make sure that the brothers don’t get separated. He never understood that about the system. Why on God’s green earth would you separate siblings? Their world is already falling apart around them and for some reason someone somewhere thinks taking away the only family they know is a good idea. It’s completely idiotic and heartless. 

Twenty minutes and a shit ton of road rage later, Castiel is finally pulling into the parking structure of Michael’s Law firm. He rides the elevator up the top floor and waves hello to one of Michael’s secretaries on his way into see his brother. 

Michael doesn’t look too pleased with Castiel but thankfully they decided to start the meeting during his lunch break to give them some extra time. He chides Cas on being late and they spend a few minutes catching up while Michael finishes his meal.

“I know I told you a little about what the case involved but why don’t you go ahead and look over the file while I go wash up.” Michael hands Cas the file containing all the information on the two brothers on his way out of his office. 

Castiel notices that the boys are only a few years apart in age, Aston is 13 and his brother Aiden is 9 years old. Castiel will make sure he does everything in his power to see that the boys don’t end up in separate homes.  Hopefully he’ll be able to get in contact with a relative or find a good adoptive family with enough love for the two boys. 

Cas is half way through the case file when Michael gets back into his office. They begin to discuss the details of the case and what it is that Michael needs from Castiel. 

“I just need you to do what you do best. Castiel, and that’s caring about the children involved. I’ll make sure that all the adults get what they deserve.” 

“How very smitey of you, Michael.”

“Whatever Cas, just make sure you help those two boys. It’s not their fault they were birthed to parents who don’t give a damn.”

“True. Their safety and happiness is my main priority.” 

“I’ll also be bringing in an associate of mine to work closely with you. I want you two to take the reigns on this case. I hope to eventually offer him partner, he has a very bright future ahead of him.”

“Seems like you're very fond of him. What’s his name?”

“His name is Samuel Winchester and he should be on his way to join us shortly.”

“I look forward to meeting him.”

In the meantime Michael answers some emails while Castiel looks through the rest of the casefile  jotting down some question to ask Samuel when he arrives. About five minutes after closing the file, there’s a knock on Michael’s door. 

Castiel had no expectations of what Samuel would look like. None whatsoever. But what walked through the door was never on his list. This man was a giant, and Castiel wasn’t on the short side. He had to be at least 7 feet tall seeing as how he had to slightly duck while walking through the doorway.  

Michael must really be fond of him because his hair length was just above his shoulders, reminding Cas of a way more attractive version of Foggy from DareDevil. And goodness was he attractive! Kind green eyes, nice jawline,  beautiful genuine smile and warm deep voice. 

Samuel outstretched his hand in greeting, “Sam Winchester. You must be Castiel, Michael's brother.” 

Castiel shook the offered hand. “Hello Sam, nice to meet you. And please call me Cas.”

All three men sat down to discuss the case further and map out some potential outcomes. Sam had a meeting to get to so after exchanging contact info with Cas and setting up another time to meet Sam was on his way. 

“I could see why you’re so fond of him. He’s knowledgeable and passionate, he’ll definitely go far.  He’s easy on the eyes as well.”

“Yeah he is.” 

Cas smirked at his brother and waited for him to realize what he just let slip. Of course it didn’t take him long.

“I didn’t...It’s just that….He’s good at what he does.”

“I’m sure he is.”

“Shut up little brother.”

Castiel chuckled shaking his head while packing up his stuff. He made a promise to stop by for dinner within the next few days and soon he was on his way back to his own office. 

_===_

What is it about rainy days that turns children into spawns of the devil? They turn into these animalistic creatures that are one full head spin away from an exorcism. Needless to say when lunch time rolled around, Dean was beyond ready for a break. Hopefully Sammy packed him something good that would offer him comfort from the inside out. Something would cause to go through the rest of the day in a blissful food coma. 

Salad. Salad did not offer comfort. Hell, salad barely filled him up! Ugh, maybe he’d go down to the cafeteria and see if he could sweet talk the lunch lady into making him something special. 

Before he gets the chance to make his way to the cafeteria, Gabe and Charlie make their way  into the teacher's lounge. Gabe speeds up and  makes a b-line towards him, leaving Charlie to choke on his dust.

“So how’d it happen?”

“How’d what happen?”

“You going to the bone yard with my brother.”

“What?”

“Bumping uglies...doing the horizontal tango...having an adult sleepover...intercou-”

Dean slaps his hand over Gabe's mouth while glancing around the room to make sure no one heard Gabe’s big mouth. “Dude would you shut it! I don’t need the entire school to know what or who I do in my spare time.” 

“Whatever, how’d it happen?”

“How’d what happen?”  Charlie takes a seat right next to Dean. She pulls out the contents of her lunch bag, automatically handing Dean her extra juice box.

“Nothing!”

“Dean’s fucking Cas.” 

“Oh shit!” Charlie raises her hand up for a high-five from Dean, “High-five Winchester! Cas is a beautiful piece of ass.”  

Dean shoves Charlie’s hand back down. “Cool it!” 

“Whatever Winchester, stop being such a prude.”

“I’m not being a prude, you’re being a prude! I’ve got to head back to class and prep for my next period.”

“Aw come one. We didn’t mean anything by it. Did we Red?”

“Nope. Just wanted to congratulate you on finally getting some.”

“I get plenty, thank you very much! But really I’ve got to head out.” Dean begins gathering all his things to make his way back to his room. He’ll just suck it up and eat his stupid healthy rabbit food. Dean needs to prep his seniors for one of their big assignments, hopefully since it’s after lunch some of their humanity will still be intact. He’s turning to leave when he remembers to mention the Halloween party to Gabe and Charlie. 

“Halloween party! We’re hoping to have it at The Roadhouse, Sam and I are going to ask Ellen this week when we go over for dinner. The bar’s still going to be open for business so make sure you costume actually involves clothes,  _ Gabriel _ .”

“Hey I wore a vest!”

“Yeah, but that’s all you wore.”

“What did you expect? I said I was dressing up as the bellhop from that year’s Casa Erotica film.”

“Just do us all a favor and at least wear some pants.”

“Yes please!”

“You guys are such party poopers. But  _ fine _ , I’ll cover up my dangly bits.”

“You’re such a saint. Oh and of course Dorothy and Kali are invited. Assuming you get your shit together Gabe. Alright I’m out.”

As soon as Dean turns his back to them and makes his way out of the teachers lounge, Charlie and Gabe share a conspiring look. 

“You inviting Cas?”

“Yup.”

“You gonna tell Dean?”

“Nope.”

“Can I help?”

“Wouldn’t dream of pulling off a scheme without you Red.”

The two fist bump and quickly finish off their lunches before they have to head back to their classrooms. 

_===_

The brothers decide that getting Jo on-board with the party idea first is the safest way to go. With all three of them asking, there’s no way Ellen will say no. Especially with Sam’s puppy eyes, Dean’s charm, and Jo being the spoiled brat that she is. They plan on having dinner Thursday night after Sam gets out of work. 

The next couple of days pass without any event. Work for both of the brothers goes as smoothly as possible. Dean’s students seemed to have  calm down during the rain, probably helps that he whispers  _ chirsto _ under his breath at the start of every class period. 

Sam’s days were filled meetings and research. He needs to prepare for the meeting he scheduled with Castiel later that evening regarding the Harrison case they were both working on. He hoped that with Michael letting him take the lead on this case and pairing him up to work with his brother that that meant that maybe he had a future with the firm. He’s always seen Michael as a mentor and hopes to somewhat follow in his career path. Making partner in the near future would be a dream, especially because Sam would like to propose to Jessica in the very near future. He’s never felt so complete before and hopes that she feels the same way. Maybe he’ll ask Dean to dig around in her head a little bit. He can let him know if it’s a good idea or not. No matter how old Sam gets, or what he accomplishes in his professional life, Dean will always be the one whose approval and support matters the most to him. As far as Sam is concerned Dean is the only family he has left and he wants to make sure he’s always going to be in his life. Thankfully Jessica and him get along wonderfully, so much so they often refer to each other as the brother/sister they would hate to have. Well actually Dean has tried to trade Sam in for Jess on numerous occasions, fortunately his special combination of bitchface and puppy eyes still have an effect on Dean. 

Soon enough Sam is pulled out of his work by his secretary letting him know that Castiel has arrived for their meeting. Sam was excited to work with Castiel, he could tell that he was passionate about his job and that was very rare. It was even more rare to find that trait in a social worker. So many of them had become so numb to the job that they just simply did it for the paycheck. But Castiel was different, you could tell he genuinely cared for the children involved and wanted to give them best life possible. It was refreshing to say the least. 

“Hello Sam.”   


“Hey Castiel. Ready to get started?”

  
“Of course, let’s make sure these boys get the life they deserve.” 

Cas and Sam worked well together. So much so that if Dean hadn’t to called him to ask him when he was heading over to Ellen's, Cas and him would have worked well into the night. 

“Sorry about that. That was my brother reminding me about a family dinner. You mind if we wrap up and get together again Monday or Tuesday?” 

“Yeah that’s fine. Let’s shoot for Tuesday morning? I’d like to try and meet with the brothers before then.”

“Sounds good. Just send me an email letting me know the time and if you’re able to meet with them.”

“Will do. Enjoy your dinner Sam.”

“Thanks Cas. Have a good night.”

“You too Sam.”

_===_

Sam gets home to Dean sprawled on the couch reading through some of his students essays. Sam quickly jumps in the shower and then the brothers are off to meet Ellen for dinner. It’s been a long time since all four of them were able to sit down and enjoy each other's company. Dean didn’t realize just how much it was needed. He missed those days when it was all simple and their biggest worry was what was going to be served for dinner.

“Ellen! Your favorite Winchester is here!”

“Oh Sammy come over here and give me some love.” Sam smiles up at Dean smugly while going in for a hug. 

“How you been Ellen?”

“Good, good,” She answers as she swiftly swats Sam on the back of his head. “Don’t wait this long to come see me next time. Just because you think you're some big time hotshot lawyer now doesn't mean you can forget about your family.”

Sam rubs the back of his head as he apologizes to Ellen. Dean is doubled over laughing in the corner. “And don’t you think you’re off the hook either. Just because I’m nice enough to let you pick up some shifts on the weekend doesn’t mean I don’t want to see you outside of work young man.” 

“Sorry Ellen.”

“Mmmph. Anyways you two go wash up and help Jo set the table for dinner.”

They both answer in unison, “Yes ma’am.”

_===_

“So you wanna use  _ my bar _ to throw a party?” Ellen eyes all three of them with skepticism.

“Don’t think of it as a party but an opportunity to gain recognition amongst the locals while making a profit. People are always looking for a place to celebrate this holiday. A place that provides a safe enjoyable space, where they can consume copious amounts of alcohol with their friends and attractive strangers.”  Sam and his big lawyer brain make Dean so proud. 

“And we will do all the decorating and cleanup”, Jo adds.

“Oh you’ll be doing more than that. You’ll all be working this little  _ “opportunity’ _ .”

“Done!”

“Deal!”

Dean and Sam both swat Jo on her leg, “Ugh fine if I have to, but you both are doing all of the heavy lifting!”

“Alright fine, you can throw your little halloween party.”

They all whoop and holler in excitement. They each thank Ellen in their own way, Sam a bear hug, Dean a kiss on the cheek, and Jo with a simple ‘thanks mom!’. 

They spend the rest of the night discussing themes, flyer design, signature drinks, and potential costume ideas. 

_===_

Everything's coming together. They’ve finalized the drink and food menu. Put up all the decorations, they decided to let the layout of the resturant do most of the work. They just dimmed the lights a bit more, giving the place an eerie sort of glow. Added a few flickering lights here and there and replaced some bulbs with deep red ones. They hired a D.J. (thank you Benny’s cousin) and set up a smoke machine in all corners of the bar. Simple but effective. 

Two weeks before the party Charlie, Gabe, and Dean discuss potential costumes during their lunch break. They decided to be cheesy and do a group costume. And because Charlie cheats at goldfish, she got to choose the theme for all three of them. Which Dean should be thankful for because Gabe wanted them all to dress up as different Britneys. Beyond ridiculous. 

Charlie ended up choosing a Star Wars theme. Gabe for whatever reason decided to dress up as Chewie, probably a height complex thing, and Charlie and Dean, well they didn’t really get a chance to coordinate who was going to be what. Which explains why they both showed up as Han. Needless to say Charlie was a little upset. 

“What the hell Winchester! You knew I was going to be Han!”

“No Charles I didn’t. I figured you’d be Leia.”

“Why because I’m a girl? You sexist motherfuc-”

“No! Geez! I thought because you have a tattoo of her that I don't know, you’d dress up as her!”

“Oh...sorry.”

“Mhmmm.”

“Don’t be like that Winchester. I just thought with your great legs and as you’d want to show them off.”

Dean nearly spits out his drink all over Charlie. “Umm..what? You thought I would be Leia? And Slave Leia at that! What the hell?”

Charlie just shrugs while slowly backing away to find other people to go mingle with. Dean has to man the bar for a little bit so he drops it. 

As the night grows, so does the crowd. Everyone seems looks like they're enjoying themselves. Dancing, Drinking, and friends always makes for a good time. Plus, you get to pretend to be someone else for a night. Ellen and Bobby even got into the spirit, well sort of, she dressed up as ‘a bar owner’ and Bobby dressed as a mechanic but hey they tried and that’s good enough for Dean. Jo dressed as Minnie, Benny and Andrea showed up as Angel and Buffy. Lisa Braden from work showed up as the sexiest Catwoman Dean has ever seen, and if he didn’t give a damn about shitting where you eat he’d definitely have to make her his goal for the night. But the way she seems to be looking at him, she might have already made him hers. 

Sam and Jess finally show up. Apparently they waited until the very last minute, as in finally going to the store a few hours ago, to get a costume. And what they decided on has Dean doubled over in laughter. It takes him a few tries to regain his composer but the harder he tries the worse he laughs. Sam and Jess are dressed up as an plug and outlet, and guess who’s the plug?!

“I always knew you were into pegging bro.”

That earns him one of the biggest bitchfaces he’s got in a while. “Shut up, jerk! It’s all they had at the store.”

“But isn’t the male part of the costume usually the plug part?”

“Jess made me wear it.”

“Now Jessica, you’re better than to force someone into getting plugged.”

“Well that’s what he gets for making us wait to the last minute to pick a costume. And don’t let that pouty face fool you, he likes it.”

“Oh well then.”

“You guys suck!” Sam pouts even harder. 

“Oh cheer up baby. If you’re good I’ll let you suck my plug.” 

Dean and Jess are both wiping tears from their face, they're laughing so hard. Sam is unamused but decides to get back at his brother by making as uncomfortable as possible. He easily lifts her off the floor and proceeds to get her to plug into him. And it works like a charm because within seconds Dean his turning tail back behind the bar. 

_===_

Dean didn't want to admit it but every guy that passed him by sporting dark messy hair made him hold his breath in hope. He was looking for him, searching the face of every party guest looking for those distinct features that he’s come to associates with Cas. He's been tempted several times to text Gabe asking if he happened to invite him to the party but pride stopped him every time. Well maybe not pride but it was surely something, something more like fear. Yeah, Cas had said he wanted Dean to call him but maybe he was just being ‘morning after nice’. Still wrapped up in the haze of alcohol and sex, who knows. All Dean knew for sure was that he needed to find a distraction and quickly. 

He quickly finds Lisa during his break, his own rules be damned. She looks ready for the taking and Dean is going to do just that. They’re swaying closely to the heavy beat coming out of the speakers. Hands making their way over each other's bodies, mapping out soon to be explored places. Dean takes a quick glance around the bar and that's when he sees him. That dark mess of hair, those piercing blue eyes, and the smile that could make a thousand angels sing. 

Castiel's dressed in a classic tux, slim fitting and tailored perfectly to the contours of his body. He ditched the bow tie and instead opted to unbutton the first few buttons on his crisp white dress shirt. Dean doesn't know if he came from some fancy party earlier and decided to slum it down here with his brother or if this was an intentional costume choice but either way, Dean’s grateful for the sight. 

It's like Castiel has some weird gravitational pull on him. Before he knows it, Dean quickly untangles himself from Lisa’s embrace, thanking her for the dance, and makes his way towards the entrance. It's like his feet have a mind of their own, making the long  distance in a few short strides. He’s been not so secretly searching for Cas all night and he’s not going to let another moment go to waste. 

As soon as he’s close enough, he grabs his wrist and pulls him close. He looks him in the eye in a silently request for permission. The twinkle in his blue eyes and the slight nod gives Dean all the permission he needs to move forward. He pulls him to the middle of the dance floor and grinds close. He leans in close to whisper in Cas’ ear, “Like the monkey suit. James Bond?” 

“Bruce Wayne.”

Dean pulls back in surprised, “Really?”

“Really.”    
  



	7. Breakfast at Dean's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notice the rating change :)

Ashton and Aiden Harrison, two boys so full of life and love, have had the misfortune of dealing with such hardship so early in their lives. These children, like all the others, are just innocent victims that suffer due to the misguided decisions of their parents. 

Ashton, the oldest of the two, is regrettably more affected by this case than his younger sibling. He understands what’s going on with him and his brother, what his parents did to make them end up in this shitty situation, and that he’s now responsible for not only himself but his younger brother. In many ways, Ashton basically became the parent of a nine year old at the age of thirteen. And it certainly explains why he’s being so…. _ difficult _ . 

“Ashton, I know this has been a trying time for you and Aiden but I promise you I’m here to help.”

“Help yourself collect a check. You don’t give a damn about me or my brother, so let’s not keep wasting our time here, just go ahead and put us in a goddamn home already.” 

It’s always difficult seeing so much hatred coming from someone so young. The world giving him every reason to be cold and hard.

“Believe it or not, that is literally the last thing I want to do here Ashton. If I put you and your brother in a home, you will most likely end up getting separated and I bet that’s something you don’t want to happen.” Cas sighs and relaxes back into the chair. He has to find a way to get through to him and handling him with kid gloves obviously isn’t helping., “Look Ashton, I’m honestly just trying to help. You don’t have to trust me just yet, but at least give me the benefit of the doubt.”

“You’ll just screw us over like everyone else. Do you even know what it feels like to know your parents don’t give a damn about you?! About where you’ll end up?!” Ashton quickly turns his face to hide the tears that are threatening to spill over.

“Yeah, yeah I have a bit of an idea what that’s like. It’s nowhere near the level you're experiencing it but I do have an idea about what you’re going through.”   
“You do?” Ashton finally turns to face Castiel. Eyes red but deep within them Castiel can see a bit of hope shine through all the anger and doubt. 

“Yeah unfortunately I do.” Castiel has always found the best way to get someone to open up was to do the same thing. Share yourself with them, be as transparent as possible and nine times out of ten, they will do the same. 

“Like I said, it isn’t anything remotely similar to what you and your brother are experiencing but I did feel unwanted and unloved more times than I didn’t. My parents, well my Father especially, didn’t support my choices, he pretty much disagreed with everything I did from the clothes I chose to wear to whom I decided to surround myself with. He especially didn’t care for my career and _ lifestyle choices _ . My mother, well she was basically his puppet and a useless form of defense for me. Too scared to speak out and protect her child, but thankfully I had my two older brothers who actually gave a damn about me. Kind of like how you care about Aiden. They protected me.”

Of both his parents he resents his mother the most. Her love was supposed to be unconditional and seemed to stop at the command of his father.

“But who’s going to protect me?”

Castiel doesn’t know if he’s ever heard such a heartbreaking question.

“I can be the first to start. Together we can make sure we find you and your brother a loving home but I need you to give me a chance. To be honest and open with me. And most of all learn to trust me, I promise you I won’t let you down.” 

Ashton holds Castiel’s gaze, assessing the situation. Trying to figure out if he really should take a leap of faith. Castiel hopes he finds what he’s looking for because more than anything he want’s to find these two the perfect home. 

Something softens within him as he begins nodding his head. “Okay Cas.”

_===_

Cas and Sam have met up a few times since their first initial meeting to discuss the Harrison case. They seem to be making good progress. Sam is feeling really confident about the outcome of the case. 

Castiel has developed a friendship with both brothers. Aiden trust and believes in him, sharing about his day, what he wants to be when he's a grown up ( currently he wants to an astronaut), and how much his big brother takes care of him. 

“These kids at school were making fun of me because they said I don't have parents anymore that love me but I told them that Ashton loves me and that’s better.” He shared with Cas during their latest meetup. 

“Plus Ashy punched one of them in the nose! Man Cas, he had like rivers of blood coming out his nose! It was awesome!” 

“So I heard.” Cas turns to look at Ashton. He at least has the decency to look a bit ashamed. “I received a call from your principal about the situation.” 

He finally turns back to give his full attention to Aiden, “But you know that hitting is wrong right?”

“Yes, Mr. Cas.” He says with a bright smile but under his breath Cas hears, “it was still cool though.” Secretly Cas has to agree, it’s definitely something Gabriel would have done and still would do for him. 

“Ashton. Look I’m not going to tell you what's right or wrong because we both know at this age you know the difference, but I will _remind you_ that if you continue this type of behavior that you will make it extremely difficult for me to keep my promise to you and your brother.” That actually seems to do the trick. Especially if Cas reading the panic in his eyes correctly. 

The rest of the meeting goes well, Ashton opens up little by little with every meeting. He bids the brothers farewell and promise to stop by the Foster home the day of Halloween with goody bags. Aiden is the more excited of the two, but Castiel can see a small smile creep up on Ashton’s face. 

_===_

Halloween is scary. There’s no way around it. It’s the one day a year you can dress up as something terrifying and no one says anything about it. You could dress up as a killer clown, an escaped prisoner, an axe murderer, or Castiel’s hairy Uncle Eddy and everyone would just commend you on having a  _ cool costume _ . It’s the perfect time to commit a crime. You could commit a murder, walk around with the bloody body parts and all you’ll get is a ‘ _ Whoa! Super realistic bro! _ ’ 

Okay, so maybe Castiel is exaggerating a bit but the point still stands. A day where it’s socially acceptable to dress up as something horrific is a bad idea waiting to happen and one he doesn’t want to partake in.

It’s exactly why he politely declines Sam’s invitation to his and his brothers annual Halloween Party. He would rather stay home and stuff his face full of all the bad junk he can find at the local grocery store and binge watching shows on Netflix. 

Maybe he’ll ask Gabriel if he’d like to come over for the festivities after he visits the brothers. He’d be a good person to spend this stupid holiday with. Gabriel loves to veg out in front of the television with his favorite food,  _ sugar. _

He was wrong.

Inviting Gabe was a bad idea.

He instantly regrets the idea when Gabe shows up at his door in a goddamn  _ Wookie _ costume!  _ What the actual fuck!  _ He just looks like a stretched out dog. He’s too short to be a Wookie. He looks ridiculous. 

Actually, Cas is kind of glad he invited him because he hasn’t laughed this hard in a really long time.

“It’s really not that funny.”

“Oh but it is.”

“I look badass!”   
“You really don’t. You look like an overgrown beanie baby.”

“Well what the fuck are you supposed to be? Castiel the fun-sucker sucker?”

“That was just pathetic. And why the hell would I dress up just to spend a night in?” 

They make their way into Cas’ living room. He’s already made his way through half a bag of potato chips and some double stuff oreo cookies. 

“Uhh...no we’re going to a party.”

“Uhh no  _ we  _ are not.”

“Yes  _ we _ are.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Gabriel!”

The brothers attempt to have a stare down. 

“Dean will be there.” 

Castiel’s eyes narrow in disbelief. After searching Gabe’s face for any hint of deception he concedes. 

“I’ll see what I can throw together.”

“Atta boy!”

_===_

Castiel has to get creative. He searches through his closet for anything to use a makeshift costume. He almost gives up and just decides to throw a damn white sheet over himself and call it a day when he catches a glimpse of his Batman tee flung in the corner near his hamper. 

He would never be that lazy just to put on a simple graphic tee but he is  _ creatively _ lazy enough to put on his tux and pass himself off as Batman’s alter ego Bruce Wayne. And if he remembers correctly a certain green eyed gentleman has the hero tattooed onto his skin. 

Perfect.

He wouldn’t mind getting reacquainted with that particular piece of art tonight. 

He steps out from his bedroom into the living room to show Gabriel his final results. 

“It’s a goddamn Halloween party not a fucking Beauty pageant asshole! Way to make the rest of us look bad!”

And  _ that _ is exactly the reaction he was looking for. A healthy dose of jealousy.

“No one told you to dress up like Fido.”

“Actually someone did but even all this fur isn’t going to stop all of this.”

Cas unfortunately has to witness Gabe attempt to do a body roll. He looks like he’s having a seizure and Cas is torn between calling 911 or grabbing his phone to record. He’s sure if he does the latter the video will definitely go viral.

“Whatever you say bro.” 

_===_

Twenty some odd minutes and one Uber car later, they finally arrive at The Roadhouse to find the festivities heavily underway .  A good majority of the guests seem to already be under the influence, of what exactly, Cas can’t say. The music is loud and vibrates throughout his chest as he watches the crowd dancing .  Cas can’t believe he was worried that no one was going to be dressed in costume.

Everyone is dressed up as one thing or another, even if they took the lazier route of just throwing on a tee with some type of design on it. For the most part though, most guests seem to have put in at least a day or two’s worth of effort into their costumes for the evening. 

But it’s all very...typical. 

Most of the guest fit into one stereotypical group or another. The ones you would see on television. The ‘attractive’ male and females dressed for their bodies, the average people dressed to look cooler than what they currently see themselves as and the goofs, like Gabriel, dressed for a laugh. Before Cas can contemplate what category he falls into he gets distracted by his brother shoving a drink into his hand. 

“I didn’t spring for an Uber for nothing. Drink up little bro.” And Cas, not being able to argue with that logic, does just that.

How anyone could think his brother is funny is beyond him. They’ve been sitting at a high-top table tucked between the entrance and the bar with some of Gabe’s coworkers that  have been laughing at everything he says. 

It’s got to be the alcohol. 

There’s no way that his brother is that funny. 

_ It’s definitely the booze. Someone should probably cut them off. _

After about half a dozen shots, Castiel is finally starting to realize just how funny his brother is. He’s joined in the laughter and begins to think his brother should give up teaching and take his act on tour.

The group is seems to be getting a little restless. They all eventually disperse into their own separate directions. Some towards the dance floor, others towards the bar, and Gabe and Cas outside for a smoke break. 

“See aren’t you glad you came out tonight?” Gabe mumbles while balancing his cigarette. 

“Ehh. It’s not as horrible as I thought it would be.”   
“See, there you go! That's the right attitude!”, he pats Cas on his shoulder. “Plus you got to ogle Dean again so there’s that.”

“What are you talking about? Dean’s not here.” Cas’ drunken brain is trying to sort through all of the faces he’s seen since he arrived at The Roadhouse. None of them were Deans.

“Yeah he is. He’s Han. Hes got the little black vest and a thigh holsters strapped around one of those bowlegs of his. Plus he works here so...”

Castiel's brain seems to short circuit at the image he conjured up. Dean dressed up as Han is something he didn’t know he needed until this very moment. 

He decides to wait for Gabe to finish his cigarette before he goes back into hunt down Dean.  _ He is trying to play it cool after all. _

He’s just about to snatch the cancer stick out of his brothers mouth and snub it out himself when Gabe finally puts his torture to an end. 

“Don’t look at me like that Casanova, you could have gone  inside at anytime.”

Cas just rolls his eyes because his brothers right. He could have gone in but he was being a little chicken shit. 

It’s as if all of the planets aligned for this very moment because not a minute after he steps through the door, his eyes meet Dean’s.

They share a small private smile and soon he’s watching Dean untangle himself from the brunette he’s dancing with and make his way towards him. He grabs a hold of Cas’ wrist and with the slight nod of his head, Dean pulls him closer. 

They move towards middle of the dance floor and grind close. Castiel had been yearning for this sensation for so long.

Dean leans in close and whispers in his ear, “Like the monkey suit. James Bond?” 

“Bruce Wayne.”

He pulls back in what only could be described as shock, “Really?”

“Really.” 

_===_

The tension between them is just as charged, maybe even more so this time around but something has also changed. Neither one is sure what exactly, but the walls have definitely been let down. Well maybe not entirely but Cas nor Dean seem to be as guarded as they once were. 

They bump, grind and tease through a few more songs. Sharing promises of later through intimate whispers and caresses. They share a couple drinks and details about themselves but it eventually they both get tired of stalling and grab an uber back to Dean’s.  

“Your place looks different at night,” Cas takes his time to glance around while Dean locks the door. “And semi-sober.”

“Not sure how to take that. Especially the semi-sober comment.”

“What do you mean?” Cas tilts his head to the side.

“Not sure if it was a complaint or not. Like do you only wanna fuck if you’re shitfaced drunk or…” Dean doesn't get the chance to complete his sentence. Cas steps forward until their bodies are flush and backs them up until they’re pressed against the wall, effectively cutting Dean off. He  leans into Dean’s neck and presses his lips to it.

A thrill shoots through him. He doesn’t repeat himself when it comes to partners. It’s a rule he made up a long time ago and it’s always benefitted him. But there’s just something about this man, about Dean that makes him want to rethink his stupid rule. Something about him and his goddamn beautiful green eyes and his goddamn stupid eyepatch that makes Cas want to stay for breakfast and invite himself over for dinner.

Gabriel would call it his broken bird syndrome. He classifies it as though it’s something bad but it isn’t. Cas just gives a damn about people is all. And sometimes when giving a damn he forgets to do it for himself as well. 

But that’s another problem for another time because he currently has stubble scratching at his lips and tongue and hands pulling at his clothes. They’re strong and sure of what they want and soon they’re reaching down and rubbing the heel of his hand against Cas’ half-hard cock. 

Fuck, if that doesn’t feel good. 

Cas pulls back, eliciting a whine from Dean. “Maybe we should move this to your bedroom?”

Dean grabs his hand and pulls him down the hall. Each pulling off one another's clothes on the way. 

They finally make their way onto Dean’s bed. Green eyes graze over Castiel’s naked torso, eyes nearly black with lust and desire.  He’s kneeling between Cas’ legs when he says “How do you want to do this?”

“I’m open to suggestions.”

“Good, so am I.” Dean leans over towards his nightstand and pulls out everything they’ll need. He tosses the lube and the condom on the bed somewhere near Cas’ head. He leans down and maps out a path from the top of Cas’ boxers to the his lips with his tongue. “Open me up.”

With a growl, Castiel pulls Dean down and whips him around, pressing his chest down into the mattress. 

“Stay there,” he says as he sinks his teeth into Dean’s neck and pulls off the last offending piece of clothing.

“Fuck, Cas.”

“That’s the general idea.” He reaches around the bed for the bottle of lube. 

He presses a slick finger into Dean. He eases his finger in and out, in and out, until Dean loosens up and he can slip another finger in right next to the first. 

All modesty disappears when Cas finds that spot. Dean fucks down into the mattress trying to find a little release and breathing a string of curse words into the mattress below. 

“Good?” He ask after he’s added a third finger and stroking in and out a few more times.

“Yeah.” Dean replies breathless.

Suddenly, Dean’s left feeling empty and a whine escapes from his mouth. Cas peppers kisses down Dean’s back as he removes his underwear and retrieves the condom. Rolling it on without taking a moment for himself is a chore, but it’s more than worth it when he finally gets to press into Dean.

He starts off with slow movements, giving Dean time to adjust. He fits snug around around Cas, and he has to take a moment before he continues. Dean takes this opportunity to get up on his hands and knees and begins to fuck back against Cas. 

This pulls Cas out of whatever meditative state he was in and he pushes Dean flat and holds him down by his wrist. 

He fucks into Dean mercilessly. And Dean takes it all, meets every thrust of Cas’ cock. 

He leans down to whisper into Dean's ear, “Wonder if you can cum just like this?” 

He fucks into him harder and harder. Pulling primal noises from the man below him. The only attention Dean’s cock receives is from his bed sheets under him. It isn’t until Cas angles himself just right that Dean loses all control and  _ fuck _ . 

Cas bites down on his neck and fucks him through his release. 

Cas follows soon after. Brain whiting out as he rides out the pleasurable convulsions at full speed until they eventually subside. 

After a few moments their breathing evens out and Cas pulls out. He rolls over and off of Dean,  tossing the condom in the general direction of where he believes Dean’s trashcan to be. 

Dean turns to looks at him,Cas can tell he’s holding back something.

“What is it?” Cas cautiously ask.

“Stay for breakfast?” Dean hesitantly ask. His eyes cast downward as if he ashamed to ask. 

It goes against every rule Cas has made for himself. Every rule he’s ever made in order to protect his heart and yet he answers with, “Does breakfast includes pancakes?”

“And bacon.”   
“Mmm...talk dirty to me.”

_===_

Cas is the first to wake. Limbs tangled up in Dean's. Their breathing in sync with one another. Cas thinks that this something he could get used to. Something he wouldn't mind having day in and day out. 

He lets himself daydream of hundreds of mornings just like this. Of lazy Sunday mornings with even lazier hand jobs that are more about touching rather than actually seeking release. He imagines being sent out the door with a kiss on the cheek and held tight at night after he's had a rough day. He continues imagining days full of love and devotion right up until Dean stretches awake and turns to look at him. 

It isn't until that moment that Cas realizes that the faceless man in his daydreams wasn't so faceless after all. That the man that he been imaging sharing all these intimate moments with was Dean. A man he's only known for for a short amount of time and the only time they spend together involves sex. 

He wants more and he wants more with Dean. Something about this man makes Cas feel safe. Makes him feel as though if he were to fall maybe for once someone would actually reach out and catch him. 

He smiles down at Dean and places a chaste kiss on his lips. “Morning”. 

“Mmph...Morning.”  He stretches again and this time Cas gets a nice view of his abdomen. “Nice to actually wake up next to you instead of watching you rush out of here like last time.”

“Ahh not my best moment. But hey I’m still here right aren’t I?” He gently caresses Dean's arm in an effort to reassure him.  

“Yeah, but that's only because I promised you pancakes.” He rolls his eyes and rolls on his back attempting to look affronted. 

“And bacon,” he rolls over and on top of Dean. He leans down and whisper to his lips, “Don't forget the bacon.” He punctuates the sentence with another kiss. This one a little deeper, held for a little longer. 

“Mmmm. Definitely not.”  

They continue making out, morning breath be damned, until they hear the front door open and shut. 

“Expecting someone else?”

“Never.” And goddamn that smile is going to be the death of Cas, he can feel it. 

He leans up and pecks Cas on the lips. “It’s probably my baby brother getting home. Think he stayed over at his girlfriends last night.”

“Certainly hope so. You weren’t very quiet last night.” He kisses down Dean’s neck.

“Hey! I’m not taking all the blame for that mister!” He reaches up and smacks Cas on his still bare ass. 

“Fair enough.”

They share a few more kisses until Dean threatens him with no breakfast if he doesn’t let up. 

“Fine. Fine. No need for threats.” Dean just rolls his eyes as he pulls on some sweats.

“Mind if I grab a shower real quick?”

“Go for it, you remember where it is?” He says with a smirk.

“Yeah. Sorry about that.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

_===_ ===_===_

Dean’s in the middle of flipping pancakes and frying bacon when Sam comes into the kitchen. 

“Maybe I should just tell Jess to come over here for breakfast.” Sam attempts to pick at one of the finished pancakes sitting on the plate on the counter and gets swatted with the spatula by Dean for his efforts. “Ow! Jerk.”

“Serves you right Moose! Those aren’t for you.”

“Gasp!” He even has the nerve to hold his hand in front of his mouth for added effect. “Dean has a gentlemen caller?”

“Shut up Jane Austen.”

“And you’re making him breakfast? You never make your one night stands breakfast, you must really like him. Oh emm gee Dean! Is this that guy you’ve been going on and on about?!” 

“I swear I will throw this hot bacon grease on you Samantha! Shut your damn mouth before he hears you!”

“It is! Is that him in the shower now?” He says as if he’s just now noticing the shower is on. 

“ _ Sam. _ I swear on whatever is holy that I will shave your head right down the middle if you do not  _ shut the fuck up _ and act cool.” Dean aims the spatula threateningly at Sam’s face.

That seems to do the trick because Sam raises his hands up in surrender. “Alright, alright. I just want to meet him and then I promise I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone.”

“Promise?”

“Scouts honor.” He holds his right hand over his heart. 

“You were never a scout jackass.” But Dean has no choice but to take his word for it, seeing as how the shower just shut off and Cas will be stepping out and into the kitchen any minute now. “Don’t fuck this up for me Samantha or I promise you, you'll regret it.”

“Yeah, yeah Dean. I’ll make sure to leave you and loverboy alone.”

“I hope your talking about me because I am not rushing through my meal just so you can impress another guy.” Cas states as he’s turning the corner into the kitchen.

Sam turns around to introduce himself and undoubtedly embarrass the fuck out of Dean, when he stops in the middle of extending his hand. 

“Castiel?”

“Samuel?”

“Whoa! Wait. Hold up, you two know each other?”  _ Literally, what the fuck are the odds. _

“Yes. Samuel and I are working on a case together.”

“Remember that case with the brothers I told you I was assigned? I’m working with Cas on it.” He turns around to face Cas again, “And Cas I told you that it’s okay to call me Sam.”

“Yes, of course”

“Well shit. Looks like I stayed around to meet your guy for nothing bro. I already knew him.” 

Dean just glares back at Sam. It does nothing to phase his little shit of a brother though. “Welp I’ll let you to get back to doing  _ each other _ . I’m going to go finish getting ready to meet up with Jess. Nice seeing you again Cas.” And with that Sam is off to his room in a few short strides.

Dean thumps his head on the counter. “I swear I’m going to kill the little shit.”

Cas comes around the counter and boxes Dean in from behind. “Maybe fratricide is just a bit on the dramatic side.” He plants a kiss on the back of Dean’s neck. It’s a very intimate thing to do for two people who have the two out of the three times they’ve seen each other. “Plus I need his help with the case.” He smacks Dean on the ass and turns toward the stove. “This looks delicious.”

“Thank you.” And since Cas isn’t put off by meeting his brother in this early stage of their...whatever they are, Dean wraps his hand around his waist and plants a kiss on his neck. “It tastes even better.” 

They move on with breakfast. Cas complimenting his cooking and moaning around his first few bites. Dean’s tempted to drag him back into his bed but he needs to ask him what they are or could be, before he allows himself that luxury for a third time. 

He hates how nervous he is and hopes that it doesn’t show through his voice. “Hey uh...Cas?” Once he’s got Cas’ attention he continues, “Uh, there’s something I wanted to ask you. And you don’t have to feel obligated or anything or like that. Or even feel bad because you’re entitled to feel however you want and uh-”

“Dean,” Cas lays his hand on a Dean shoulder, “you’re rambling. Just ask and I'll give you my answer. Okay?”

Dean rubs the back of his neck. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.” He takes a steadying breath, “What is it that we're doing here because I know you have that ‘no repeats rule’ and all but we repeated and I’d kinda like to again.” When he finishes, Dean doesn't think he could look up. He doesn’t want to see the look of rejection on Cas’ face. He doesn't even give Cas the chance to answer before he begins to backtrack. “You know just ignore-”

“Hey.” His hand is back on Dean’s shoulder. “I can’t give you a definition of what we are but aren’t rules more like guidelines anyway? Made to be broken and all that?”

“Did you just quote ‘Priate of the Caribbean’ at me? Cas, I didn’t know you could be so insensitive. I wear an eyepatch for christsakes!” Dean could barely finish the sentence before he breaks down in laughter. 

“You should've seen your face Cas. Priceless.”

“Jackass.” Cas pushes Dean before he climbs into his lap. “For the record, I think your eyepatch adds to your sexyness, Captain Jack.” Cas leans down and kisses Dean.

And isn’t that something, he said _adds_ _to Dean’s sexyness_ instead of saying that it _is sexy._ As if even if Dean didn’t have it, he would still have a lap full of Cas. It’s a nice feeling not being made into someone’s kink.

And of course the moment is short lived when a knock on the door interrupts them. Sam comes barreling out his room, “It’s Jess! I got it!”

They hear the door swings open, “Dad. Uh, what are you doing here?”

“Can’t a father drop in on his sons to say hello?”

“Uh, yeah. But what if we weren’t home?” Sam, bless him, is trying to stall to give Dean and Cas a chance to come up with a plan. 

“Then I would have turned around and went home. Now move boy so your ol’ man can come in.” Sam hesitates for a moment but then moves aside to let their Dad in. 

“You thirsty Dad? I’ll bring you something.”

“What’s with you kid? I know my way around. I can get my own damn drink.” Dean can hear his father following Sam into the kitchen. Thankfully him and Cas have already separated. Each sitting in their own seats finishing up what's left of their breakfast.

“Dean. Why you wearing that damn eyepatch for? You act like Sam ain’t seen your eye. Stop being so vain, no one gives a shit.” Though Dean clearly bristles at the comment, he tries not to react  too negatively. He and Cas are just starting out doing...whatever the hell it is that they’re doing and he doesn’t want to bring him into any personal shit yet. Especially if it has to do with his eye and/or his father.

It isn’t until John fully enters the kitchen that he seems to notice Cas. “Oh. This a coworker of yours?” John extends his hand out in greeting, “Hi, I’m Sam and Dean’s father, John.”

Cas clasp John’s hand firmly and introduces himself. He thankfully looks to Dean to supply the answer to the question he obviously ignored. 

Although Dean had came out to his Dad years ago, his Dad has never accepted his  _ lifestyle choices.  _ “Cas is a friend of mine.” His old man could take that anyway he wants. 

“Mmph.” And by that judgmental grunt, he took it for exactly what they are.

It’s an awkward moment of silence until there’s another knock at the door. This time it’s thankfully Jess when Sam goes to answer it.

She’s enough of a distraction to John, that Dean and Cas can sneak past him and say goodbye. 

“Uh, sorry for all of the family introductions this morning.” Dean says nervously, one hand kneading the back of his neck. 

“Don’t worry about it.” He leans up and plants a kiss on Dean’s lips. “I’ll give you a call Dean. Maybe next time around I’ll make you breakfast. My cereal pouring skills are superb.” And with that he’s making his way down the hall and down the stairs.

It isn’t until Dean closes the door that he realizes that he never gave Cas his number. 


	8. John Winchester

Dean walks back into kitchen where everyone’s making awkward small talk. His dad attempting to at least fake interest in Sam’s life. Trying to play the part of the good dad. It’s a pitiful sight to see really, his dad has never been much of a father to them.

John Winchester. Marine. Devoted husband to wife, Mary Campbell. Father of two sons, Dean and Samuel Winchester.  And certified asshole.

Anger, hatred, sorrow, heartache, and bitter resentment are just some of the words Dean would use to describe his relationship with his dad.

His feelings towards his father started to diminish around the age of thirteen, about the same time his mother was diagnosed. Dean never really knew that there is a difference between love and respect when he was growing up. Not in John Winchester's household anyways. He always thought that they went hand in hand. But ever since they heard about their mother’s diagnosis, Dean had understood first hand, that the two are very separate. And everything changed after that. He began to see his father for the person he currently was, not the man he was holding onto.

Although John remained a devoted husband, he had checked-out as a father.

Everything John did, he did for Mary. He took on more hours at work and took second and third jobs in order to afford Mary’s medication and treatments. And everything Dean did, Dean did for his entire family, Sam, Mary, and John. And if he had enough energy left, he did something for himself.

But even that didn’t seem to be good enough for his Dad. He wanted more from his eldest son. Wanted him to be the man of the house, even if he wasn't old enough to obtain his driver's permit.

The first few years after Mary was first diagnosed, were the most bearable. She was still herself. She didn’t let anything stop her for caring for her family and living the life she wanted. Of course, she had her good days and her bad but for the most part she was there. She was present. She was alive.

She interacted with her sons; asking about their days, taking part in their interest, and spending as much with them as she possibly could. She doted on each of her boys like it would be the last time she would ever be able to do so.  And as the cancer progressed, Dean could see in her eyes she truly believed it would be.

It hit their family hard when Mary's health rapidly began to decline. It felt as though they had taken her good days for granted. She wasn’t able to care for her family like she once used to. She wasn’t able to take care herself like she once used to. She needed assistance with almost everything she did, and with John working all of the time Dean was the one who helped.

He didn’t mind, his mother needed him. But sometimes Dean just needed a break. It’s hard, especially as a child, to watch someone deteriorate. Even more-so to have to watch your parent go through that pain. One of Dean’s biggest fears was happening right before him and he had no one to help him shoulder the pain. Every time he asked his dad for help he gave him some excuse or another about being too exhausted from work or questioning Dean’s abilities to do so.

_“What the hell are you good for? I work all day to mak’n sure I got enough money to take care of your mom and to put food on the table and you can’t even take care of your mom for little while? When did you become such an ungrateful little shit?”_

And God forbid Sammy helped.

The few times their father had caught Sam helping he was immediately snatched out of the room. John claiming he was too young to have to experience such a grim sight. He would take Dean away from whatever he was doing; napping, homework, cooking, and chores around the house, to go help his mom. Never mind the fact that John was doing nothing but sitting on his ass.

Dean had even entertained the thought of dropping out of school several times throughout the years but only really came close once, right after Mary passed. He was already falling behind in school even though the school year had just started. When Ellen wasn’t available to help look after his mom that responsibility fell on him to do so. And if he wasn’t missing school to help care for his mom, he would be too tired to even get out of bed.

Sammy was doing his best to help his big brother keep up, he brought home his assignments and met with Dean’s teachers before and after school to let them know what was going on. Truth was though, Dean already felt like a failure. He had nothing to live for anymore. His only priority had been to take care of his mom and now she was gone. Dean prayed too many times asking whoever was listening to switch places with his mom. Sam needed a mother growing up, and his dad needed his wife. Dean was just there. He failed to keep the one person alive he needed to and he always felt as though John blamed him for the passing of his mother. And Dean agreed with him.

If only he had actually dropped out of school he would have been able to dedicate more time towards keeping his mother alive. His dad was right, he was a _selfish little bastard._

But every time he expressed the idea out loud Sammy would throw a bitch a fit and run and tell Ellen. She made it her personal mission to make sure Dean graduated. Hell, if it wasn’t for her Dean would have never continued his education. His father had supported his decision in dropping out. Believing his eldest son wouldn’t be able to amount to much, always believing that Sam was the brains of the family. John wanted Dean to work with him at the garage, while Sammy was able to go out and conquer the world however he deemed fit.

Just another example of Sam being the golden son in his father’s eyes. Of Dean never being good enough for his father. Thankfully, Dean had Ellen and his brother in his corner. Always pushing him to strive for more and eventually helping him realize he wanted to become a teacher. He owes them more than he could ever dream of repaying.

Dean considered just heading straight to his room. He doesn’t want to hear any of the bullshit that’s bound to come out of his dad's mouth. He’s almost to his door when he catches sight of Sam’s puppy dog eyes. He shouldn’t feel like he still needs to protect his brother from his dad. Sam’s a big boy and can handle himself, plus he owes him for being a little shit earlier this morning.

Unfortunately for Dean, his big brother instincts win out and he goes to join the table in awkward chitchat. His dad eyes him as he sits down, doing a poor job of masking the judgement in his eyes.

“So what? That your little boyfriend or whatever?”

“Uh...no. Just a friend.”

“Mmm. Would have thought you’ve grown out of that by now.” When Dean opens his mouth to respond, John quickly continues. “So you're just what...sleepin’ together? Gotta say boy, I’d always thought you’d be popular in the bedroom. Just didn’t think your partners would have the same equipment as you.”

“Well them's the breaks.”  Dean can see from the corner of his eye that Sam is looking a little unsettled. But he’s learned a long time ago not to engage with his father when he’s in a mood like this, especially when it has to do with his sexuality. To say that John took him coming out well, would probably be one of the biggest lies Dean has ever told.

Thankfully Jess, the angel she is, takes this opportunity to change the subject. She tells them about the lame excuses some of the students come with in order to try and get sent home. Eventually Sam talks about a few of the cases he’s working on and Dean is able to slip away into his room.

He stopped respecting his father years ago. Fully accepting his father for the man he turned into. No longer holding out hope that maybe one day his Dad would return. Return to the man he was before his wife was taken from him. Dean couldn’t even begin to imagine what type of pain he must have experienced, is still experiencing, but Dean’s tired of making excuses for his father. He’s starting to see that maybe him being apathetic towards his father was just filling up the space where his love and respect for him used to be.

He grabs _Black Moon_ by Kenneth Calhoun off his desk and settles into another world.

_===_

It isn’t until Cas is making his way down the stairs of Dean’s apartment building that he realizes that he has no way of getting home. He could probably call an uber like him and Gabriel did the night before but why pay a stranger when he can guilt his brother into do it for free. He calls Gabriel and hopes that he’s awake and can pick him up. Thankfully there’s a shopping center a few blocks down that he can hang out at until he can get ahold of his brother or at the very least call an uber.

“The fuck you calling me so early for? Shouldn’t you be sucking Dean’s dick or something?”

“Charming Gabe. Can you come pick me up?” Cas starts to make his way towards the shopping center.

“You telling me that fucker couldn’t even take you home after fucking you?! The next time I see him I’m going to rip him a new one!”

“There’s no need to rip anyone a new anything. Dean’s father showed up and things got a little hectic.”

“Oh man. I’ve only heard stories but that guy is a big bag of hairy dicks. Where are you now?” Cas can hear some shuffling around on the other end. Hopefully that means that his brother will be there soon.

“I’m walking towards a shopping center a few blocks from Dean’s.”

“They got anywhere eat? You owe me for getting out of bed this early and thankfully for you Casanova, I accept food and the details of last night as payment.”

“I thought we had discussed not talking about my sex life?”

“You wanna get picked up or not?”

“Yes, yes. There’s a diner in over here. I’ll send you the location.”

_===_

“So one of my best friends is dating my brother. Gotta say I’m feeling a little left out.”

“One, we’re not dating, we’re just fucking. Two, there’s no reason for you to feel left out, you had your chance to fuck Dean if you wanted. You snooze you lose.”

Thinking he got a good jab in at his brother, Cas looks up at his brother with an arrogant smirk. Only he notices his brother doesn’t really seemed to be disgusted by the comment like he thought he would but rather he’s wearing a looking of satisfaction. Like he knows something Castiel doesn’t. Cas takes a moment to search his older brother face for any hint to what type of secret he could be hiding. He gives up quickly though because he knows his brother gets pleasure out of fucking with him and he will not give him any more satisfaction than he already may have to.

“What’s with that look for?”

Gabe’s look just intensifies and that’s when it hits him.

“Wait...did you fuck Dean? Did I have your seconds? Oh God! Do I need to go get checked?! Is my dick gonna fall off?!”

“Hey! Fuck you asshole. I’m clean as a whistle.”

“So you say. I’m gonna go get checked anyways.”

“I didn’t sleep with him fuckwad. I was just trying to fuck with you. Guess that’s what I get because now my feelings are all wounded. I can’t believe my own brother would think I’m dirty enough to make his dick fall off. What type of lifestyle do you think I live? And how stupid do you think I am? Just your idiot big brother, not smart enough to wrap up his willy. Just wants to go down in sexual diseased glory. Is that what you want Cas?! You want me to die?! Some brother you are.”

Castiel doesn’t even know how to respond to his brother. He’s used to Gabe being dramatic but this was just an entirely new level. He continues to stare at his brother for a full minute after his outburst.

“I honestly have nothing to say. You’ve reached a new level of dramatics that I am completely unprepared for.”

Gabe finally breaks character and takes a small bow. “Thank you, I appreciate the compliment.”

Cas rolls his eyes at his brother's antics and continues to eat his meal.

“So you’re just not going to answer me?”

“Answer what question? I told you, were just fucking. Nothing more nothing less.”

“Well can you at least become friends so the next time you’re at his house and his pops comes a knocking you can at least hide out in his room? I can’t keep getting up this early Castiel, I need my beauty sleep.”

Castiel shakes his head in agreement. “Might I suggest adding a few extra hours to your sleep schedule? You’re looking a little….rough around the edges.”

“Wow, first you want me dead and now you call me ugly. What next, you’re going to say you sold me to the Russian Circus?”

“I tried but they’re Ventriloquist already had a dummy.”

“Hardy har har asshole.”

Cas smiles at his brother in triumph. Always feels good to get the upper hand on Gabriel, no matter how small the victory. The brothers finished their meals and eventually make their way out of the diner. It isn’t until they’re about half way to Cas’ place that his brother goes back to the topic of Dean.

“So how was his old man? I’ve only heard bits and pieces about him when Dean’s drunk.”

“Didn’t really speak with him but from what I gathered he seems like a...difficult person. Neither Dean nor Sam seem as though they enjoy his presence.”

“Wait, you met Sam too?”

“Yes...” he says unsurely. He doesn't understand why it’s such a big deal. Of course you usually don’t meet your fuckbuddy’s family but Dean lives with Sam, so if they do continue this thing it would've happened eventually right? But then again, you don’t really make your overnight guest breakfast in the morning either. Granted Cas has never really had a fuckbuddy before, he usually does relationship or quick fucks. No in-betweens. So maybe making breakfast is something you do. Hell the name does have the word _buddy_ in it. Still he should ask Gabriel to clarify, get all information he can.

“Wow. You sure you’re just fuck buddies? Sam is like basically meeting the parents and seeing as how you did that too…”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Gabriel, Sam lives with him so it was bound to happen and as far as his father goes, well that was an accident.” Cas finishes with a puff of his chest.

“Whatever you say baby bro. Just be careful.”

“I’m always careful.”

_===_

Cas didn’t think about Dean too much over the next few days. Well, at least he tried not to that is. He thankfully had the distraction of work, he had gotten put on another case but as the days passed on, the more he actually found himself thinking about the man with beautiful green eyes. Especially today seeing as how he had a meeting with Sam in less than forty-five minutes.

He couldn’t shake what Gabriel had said. He’d been thinking about it ever since Gabe dropped him off that day. It would creep into his mind at the most inconvenient times. When he was in the middle of important meetings, grocery shopping, in the shower. Just all thoughts of Dean, altogether the thoughts he had of him in the shower were probably the one he favored the most.

He just didn’t know exactly where they stood anymore. Cas had thought they were just fuckbuddies but he apparently didn’t even really know what it meant to be that. He thought it was pretty self-explanatory, you get fuck someone but you also get a side of friendship. And that right there sounded perfect to Castiel. There was no denying that he found Dean interesting, that he wanted to know more about the man. Figure out what made him tick, what put a smile on his face, what brought tears to his eyes.  He wanted to how many sounds he could pull from the man, how many different ways he could get the man to scream, moan, whimper his name. He just wanted to know everything about the man and being his fuck buddy was to go about that. He got friendship and sex. It was perfect, right?

Right.

He couldn’t even entertain the thought of a relationship. He wasn’t going down that road again, no matter how nice that road might look with the other man by his side.

Cas didn’t notice how much time had passed until a knock on his office door pulled him from his thoughts. He glanced at the time while giving the person permission to come in. About forty minutes had passed since he last glanced at the clock. He knew the only person that could be coming to see him was Sam.

He hadn’t even given himself time to prepare for the questions that Sam might ask him about the other day. He didn’t know if it would be awkward now or would Sam separate business and personal life. Sam didn’t seem like the type to mix the two, but he also didn’t seem like the type to have a brother as beautiful as Dean either.

As Sam walks through the door, Cas notices how well dressed he looks today. Not that he doesn’t look good any other day but today you can tell he put extra thought into what he put on. He’s wearing black slim-fit slacks with a crisp white button down and a black tie. Ordinarily, this would be your run of the mill attire for someone working at a law firm. The safe basic outfit choice that each and every one of your colleagues are wearing. But with the added addition of the light-grey suit jacket, fitted close against him, helps Sam stand out amongst the rest.

“Uh, hey Cas. Catch you at a bad time? I know I’m a little early.” Sam unbuttons his his jacket and takes a seat in front of Cas’ desk.

“No, sorry. I was just lost in thought.” Well it wasn’t a complete lie. “How are you doing today Sam?”

“I’m good. Just a little stressed out. Nervous actually.” And now that Cas really takes a look at Sam’s face he notices he does look a little off.

“Why’s that? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Nah I don’t mind. Umm...I’m actually going to propose to my girlfriend today.”

“Wow! Sam, congratulations that’s really amazing.”

“Yeah, thanks. I’m nervous as hell but I just woke up this morning and something about her smile this morning… I knew I couldn’t wait any longer.” The look on Sam’s face is pure bliss. There’s no doubt that this man is in love.

“That’s beautiful Sam. Just going to be you two or will you go all out and invite friends and family?”

“You’re uh, you’re actually one of the first to know. Hell, I haven’t even told Dean yet!” After mentioning his brother Cas notices that his mood dampers slightly. “Fuck, he’s going to be upset but I haven’t seen him since the other day when you were over and this isn’t the type of news you deliver over the phone ya know?” Sam look generally upset about not being able to tell his brother his big plans. Cas hasn’t known Sam for long but he knows he needs to do something to put a smile back on Sam's face. Say something to reassure him that it’ll all be okay.

“I wouldn’t worry too much about it Sam. I’m sure your brother just wants you to be happy. Plus you’ll make sure he’s the first one you tell as soon as she says yes, right?”

“Yeah, yeah of course! You’re right, man. Thanks!” He looks relieved. It’s amazing how simple reassuring words can do so much for someone. “Uh, speaking of my brother...how’d you two meet anyways?” Sam, at least has the decency to look a little sheepish.

‘Dean didn’t tell you?” Holy crap, how the hell do you tell someone that their brother was just a one night stand that happened to get repeated? And apparently will continue to get repeated. Cas is so fucked. What happened to his rule? His one golden rule that kept him out of these types of situations. Oh yeah, it went out the door the minute he slid into Dean. Those expressive green eyes and that ass had Cas throwing his rules out of the window. He made rules like that one to keep his heart safe and now he’s daydreaming about what it would be like to basically spend every waking moment with the man! He’s got to get ahold of himself. Has to remember that this is just a series of one night stands.

With one person.

Until said person calls it quits.

Because Cas already knows he’s not going to be the one to end whatever it is they’ve got going on. He’s obviously too weak in the presence of that man, otherwise he would have never agreed to it in the first place.

He’s so fucked.

“You sure you’re okay man? You kind of blanked out again.”

“Oh, yes, sorry. Umm, well, we uh-”

“Hooked up? Yeah, Dean told me that. He just didn’t tell me when or where for some reason.”

“Then he must have his reasons Sam. Sorry but you’ve gotta ask your brother.” Hopefully Sam will be satisfied with that answer.

“Fine, I guess I’ll keep annoying my brother about it until he caves.”

“Just like a little brother ought to. Speaking of little brothers, we should really get started on working on the case. I’ve been meeting them and they seem like they’re really starting to trust me. I don’t want to let them down Sam.”

“Don’t worry Cas, we won’t”

They spend the next few hours preparing for the case. It’s coming up in just a few weeks and they need to make sure they have everything in order to make sure that these boys get the best outcome. Too many times they’ve both experienced kids falling victim to the flawed court systems.

It isn’t until Sam’s phone rings that they notice how late it is.

“Shit that was Jess asking me if I was on my way to our date. I’ve better get going and meet up with my hopefully soon-to-be fiancé!” Sam moves from where they were hunched over the small table in Castiel's office and throws on his jacket.

“Oh yes! Congratulations again Sam. And even though I’m sure you don’t need it, good luck!”

“Thanks man!” Sam’s smile is big enough to light up the night sky. Cas hopes that maybe one day he’ll be able to feel that way about someone again.

His brain unhelpfully supplies Dean's name.

And as if Sam is able to read Cas’ thoughts, right before he walks through the door of Cas’ office he turns back and says, “You should really give Dean a call. I’m sure he’d like to hear from you.”

“I uh...I didn’t get a chance to get his number last time.” He hopes that Sam notices that he wasn’t trying to ditch his brother, he just got caught up in leaving before his father noticed.

“It’s on your desk. Dean mentioned you didn’t ask for it and I figured, well I hoped, it was because of how Dean practically pushed you out the door when our Dad got there.” He looks at him with one of his eyebrow raised, a threat and a question all wrapped up in one.

“Yeah it was. Thank you Sam.” And with a nod he leaves.

_===_

Cas finally makes it home, Dean’s number burning a hole in his pocket. The entire ride home he was debating on when he should call the man. Should he wait until the weekend, should he call him as soon as he walks through his front door? Should he even call him, maybe he prefers texting instead.

Cas decides that he’ll give this more thought once he’s gotten a chance to eat dinner. He hasn’t had a real meal since lunch and it’s going on 9 p.m. now. When he opens his fridge though he realizes that it’s pathetically empty inside. He considers just skipping the meal and going straight to bed when his stomach lets out a massive growl right on cue. He changes into something a bit more comfortable and grabs his keys to head back out.

Once he’s settled in his car, engine steadily idling, he gets the courage he needs and reaches for his phone.

The best types of meals are always shared with company right?

After a few rings he begins to pull the phone away from his ear when he hears the line click and a deep baritone voice offer a greeting.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Dean.”


	9. Misguided Ghost

_ Dean doesn’t remember the last time he felt this loved. This cared for. Warm hands wrap around him and pull him close. “I’ve missed you,” she says. Voice just as soft as he remembers. _

_ Both laying on their side, facing the television. Some baking show is on but neither is paying attention. Her hand moves through his hair in a soft steady pace. She kisses the top of his head and continues to sing.  _

_ “And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain _

_ Don't carry the world upon your shoulders” _

_ God, he almost forgot how beautiful her voice was. How good it feels to hear her sing those words. _

_ “For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool _

_ By making his world a little colder” _

_ They wrap him up in a gentle embrace, bring him peace and comfort. Settle his soul and open his heart. _

_ He turns to face her, “I’ve missed you so much mom.” _

_ “Oh honey, I’ve-” _

He is abruptly pulled from his dream by a loud crashing sound. He’s out of bed in an instant and heading out the door ready to help, a habit from when his mom was still alive. The sound of creatively strung together curse words lead him into the kitchen where he finds Cas half naked dancing around the small space. Dean takes a moment to silently admire Cas before the ending of the song pulls his focus.

_ “Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, hey Jude _

_ Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, hey Jude” _

Parts of his dream come rushing back to him. The bar stool scrapes across the floor as Dean rushes to take a seat. He needs to compose himself and fast. With his head in his hands, he breathes in and out deeply. In for five, out for five.

In and out.

In.

And out.

He’s much calmer by the time he registers that Cas is trying to talk to him. Much more prepared to reply now that he stopped his tears from spilling over.

“I’m sorry what?”

He looks nervous, like he did something wrong, “I was just apologizing if I woke you. I was hungry and thought I’d make us some breakfast because I figured you might be hungry as well.”

Cas is doing that cute babbling thing he does. “Oh. Uhh, thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

Cas turns back towards the stove and finishes frying what looks like bacon. Dean moves off the stool and into the kitchen. He snakes an arm around Cas’ waist and places a kiss on his bare shoulder.

“Mmm, bacon.”

“I made French Toast too.” He moves his head in the direction of the plate placed off to the side, piled high with the delicious confection.

“Man after my own heart.” He feels Cas tense underneath him. It was only slightly, but Dean could still feel it. Dammit, now he’s gone and made things awkward.

Cas quickly recovers with a small chuckle but Dean knows an  awkward laugh when he hears one.

“I’m gonna go fresh’n up.”

“Okay. Food should be ready soon.”

Dean makes his way down the hallway to Castiel’s bathroom. It’s decorated in varying shades of grey all somehow working together to make one cohesive look. He catches a glance of himself in the mirror. He looks utterly wrecked. Hair pulled in different directions, varying forms of marks  scattered all over his body, few scratches and bite marks here and there. Some almost completely faded others only a few hours old. 

After finishing up he heads back into the bedroom to check his phone. After checking for any missed notifications he notices the date.

It’s November 2nd.

Today marks fifteenth year since his mother’s death. 

A wave a guilt washes over him. Can’t believe he forgot what day it was.

The feeling of guilt is quickly replaced by crippling heartache. He has to get home. He can’t let Cas see him like this.  _ Knock off all that crying, Dean. Ain’t gonna bring her back. You look like a damn fool. _

He gathers his composure for the second time that morning and begins pulling on his clothes from the night before. He grabs the rest of his things and begins to head out, his father’s words echoing in his mind.

He’s making his way past the kitchen when him and Cas make eye contact. Cas eyes him up and down, face falling when he notices Dean shoes are on.

“You’re leaving.” No question, just accepted  fate .

He’s was so wrapped up in his own thoughts, he forgot all about breakfast. “Uh yeah, I’ve got to get home. Got some stuff to take care of.” He’s  relieved his voice didn’t break.

“Oh. I see.”

“Yeah. Sorry. I’ll uh. I’ll give you a call.”

“Yeah.”

He hates the look on Cas’ face but he can’t stay. He’s never spent this day with anyone other than family. He’s needs to get home.

“Bye Cas.”

“Bye Dean.”

_===_ __

His brother always seems to be able to handle this day better. It doesn’t seem to break him down as badly as it does Dean, or at all really. Sure Sam is affected by it of course but he’s able to function, to go on with his day. Dean, can’t. He doesn’t understand how the world could continue to spin, how the people around him can continue on with their days, how Sam and his Father seem to just move on like their lives weren’t forever changed fifteen years ago today.

Wow, fifteen years. Their mom has been gone longer than Sam has been alive. Maybe that’s why his brother deals with this day better than he does, because he had less time to become dependent upon her. Their mom was diagnosed when he Sam was only 8. All he’s pretty much known was their mom being sick, battling to save her own life. And while he got to go be a kid, Dean was right by her side, taking in every moment he could. Because even though Dean had faith and prayed that his mom would make it through, deep down he knew. He knew she would be taken from them a lot sooner than she should have been.

One day someone is you’re entire world, and the next you’re mourning their death for the fifteenth time. And it never gets easier. Hell it only seems to get worse. The days surrounding the anniversary of a death gets easier over time. Your heart doesn’t feel as raw and opened. But the actual day, only gets worse. Especially when you remember just how long that person has been gone.

Dean misses the way his mom used to say his name, he’s terrified that one day he’ll forget how she used to sound when she sung Dean to sleep, the way she used to say his name, the small smiles her and him would share, and the way she smelled. He’s scared of forgetting her.

He’s pulled from his thoughts by the car behind him blowing on their horn. He looks up and realizes that the light is green. He also realizes that he started crying. He quickly wipes his tears and presses the gas. Thankfully he’s only a few blocks from home and soon enough he’s walking through his front door.

Sam and Jess are cuddled together on the couch watching t.v. and sharing a bag potato chips. That’s probably another reason why Sam is able to cope with today because he has someone to help him do so. Dean briefly wonders if maybe he should have stayed with Cas, at the very least he would have been distracted. But Dean knows there’s no way he would have been able to put up a front for the entire day. Hell, he could barely keep it together for small amount of time it took him to get dressed and out the door. Being woken up to that song today was a blessing and a curse and he’s surprised he didn’t break down right in front of Cas. Although he gets the feeling that if he did, Cas wouldn’t have judged him. He probably would have comforted him, held him and junk. But then again Dean could be confusing fantasy with reality again. Cas doesn’t owe him that kind of kindness, they’re just using each other for sex and thats all. Even if in rare times like these he wishes he had someone to come home to. Someone to tell him everything will be okay. And if in those recent rare moments the person he pictures has dark hair, blue eyes, and a voice that could make you sin, well that’s just his little secret.

_===_

He just finished changing into his sweats when Sam walks in his room and wraps him up in a big bear hug.

“How ya doin bro?”

“I’m fine Sammy,” He pulls out of his brother’s embrace. “Where’d Jess go?”

“She took off. Wanted to give us some time alone.”

“What are we dating? She didn’t need to do that.” And she didn’t. Dean hates the thought of Sam having to give up his source of comfort and strength just to monitor his big dope of a brother. All Dean wants to do is forget that the world around him exists. He doesn’t want to be around anyone but he knows it’s bad for him to be alone. His thoughts become unrecognizably dark and depressing. He hates allowing himself to get that far into himself because it’s such a struggle to get back out, to feel even a semblance of normal again.

“Well you’re stuck with me.” His brother falls onto his bed. Stretched out to his full length, practically taking over the entire bed. Dean rolls his eyes and falls down next to his behemoth of a brother. They turn on the T.V. and let the sounds of some mind numbing sitcom fill the room.

“Thanks Sammy.”

And the only response he’s met with is a nudge from his brother’s elbow in his right arm.

_===_

His brother was engaged. His baby brother, the one whose diapers he changed, whose tears he wiped, the little boy he watched grow into a man; is promising forever to the love of his life. He got down on knee and it was fucking beautiful. At least it sounded like it was. Dean wasn't there, hell Dean didn't even find out until after it actually happened. His feelings are definitely hurt that he wasn't important enough for his bro to share this life changing news with him before the fact but whatever. He's happy for him.

Really.

Taking her out to dinner and popping the the question. Very traditional. Very Sam.

Dean, well he could never imagine spending the rest of his life with one person. Especially someone who isn't blood. And even then that rule only really includes Sammy. His dad, he could live without. Bobby, although technically not family, fits into that rule as well. But to wake up to the same face all day everyday seems a bit much.But at the same time, he understand the appeal.

You’d have someone there through all of the good and bad. The ups and downs. You’ll never have to fight another battle alone. Face another obstacle, fear, or painful event without someone by your side. Someone to hold your hand. Someone whose deep blue eyes you could look into and know that everything, would be okay.

Like Cas would ever want that. Or more like, he would never want that with Dean. Dean’s a good fuck but that’s about it. Dean's always surprised that the people in his life have stayed around as long as they have. He's nothing great. He's just waiting for them all to eventually leave. To realize how worthless he really is. So of course he could never imagine someone wanting to spend the rest of their lives with him. Especially someone like Cas.

Anyone who was stupid enough to marry him would eventually come to their sense and leave. It's hard enough watching friends walk out on you, he could never imagine ‘your soulmate’ doing that. He'd be devastated.

Plus who could love someone who isn't whole? Who can't even see out of both eyes? And those are just the physical problems. The problems that can be seen.

But that's neither here nor there, his baby brother has made a major life decision and it's his job to take him out to celebrate. It’ll be a nice distraction for the both of them.

He’ll tell Sam to invite his future sister-in-law and he’ll be able to drown himself in his favorite form of self-medication, whiskey.  

_===_ ===_===_

“Well you know what they say about love at first sight Cassie.”

“That's it's for the weak and the stupidly naive?”

Balthazar just gives him a pointed look.

“Don't be ridiculous Balth. We barely know each other. We've shared a few and a half nights of amazing sex and that's it.”

“A few and a half?”

“We didn't fully make it to the actual sex part one of the nights.”

“Mmmm. And you've had conversations.”

“Yes...”

“That last into the wee hours of the morning. What did you say you talked about again? Oh yes,  _ nothing and everything.” _

Cas just glares at his supposed best friend. If he wanted this kind of mockery he would have just talked to Gabriel. He needed guidance of some sort. He needed someone to tell him to pull his head out of his ass and guard his heart. He thought, that someone was Balthazar but it's just his luck that the most cynical guy he knows is rooting for team love. What the actual fuck.

“He also left this morning rather abruptly, so there’s that.”

“You were with him this morning?”

“Yes I was.”

“So let me get this straight, you have deep meaningful conversations about everything under the sun, and he stays over for breakfast?

“He left before I could even get done cooking breakfast.”

“Do you think it’s possible he had somewhere urgent he needed to?”

“He didn’t say.”

“Did you ask?” Hmm...he didn’t ask.

“I’ll take that face as a no. Look Cassie, before you continue assuming the worse, why don’t you ask him what happened and then make you decision.”

“Yeah, I guess you're right.”

“Of course I am darling. Now drink up, my future conquest is waiting to be whooed.”

_===_

“You put the  _ dean  _ in  _ deanial”  _ Gabriel looks so proud of himself for that. Cas just stares at him, like he's done countless times before wondering how this is the brother he was given. This insufferable wannabe clever asshole.

Castiel doesn’t remember the name of the bar they're currently in, or how many they’ve visited before finally getting the okay from Balth to stay in this one. “Finally, were not amongst the riff-raff,” he told Castiel and Gabriel as soon as they walked in the door after slipping the doorman a bill. Cas and Gabe drunkenly agreed as they made a beeline to the bar. They continued on the same topic they’ve been discussing all night, Dean Winchester.

“I’m just saying little bro, Dean’s a looker. Lock. It. Down.”

“Wow, didn’t really expect you to be team Dean.” Cas finishes the last of his drink and flags down the bartender to order another round.

“Dean’s my bro! But not like how you’re my bro because we're blood and we came out of the same tummy-tum-tum-tum.” The bartender has dropped off their drinks while Gabe is overtaken by a fit of giggles. “But for realsies, Dean is a good guy, one of the best and I think of all the dicks you could be sucking his would be the best.”

“It is really pretty.”

“I knew it! He looks like he’d have a nice one.”

“Mhmm.” Cas gets that dreamy look on his face and then gets a brilliant idea, “Wanna see it?! I have a pictures!”

“Eww, no! I don’t wanna see my bros dick. That’s gross.”

“Oh, but you it’s okay to hear about it? Gabe you makes no sense stupid.”

“It makes perfect sense. Listen, listen. If you tell me it’s just my ‘magination but if I see it, I can’t unsee it and then that’s all I’m gonna be seeing. I can’t see nothing but dicks! Especially not my bros dick!”

“I see. I see.”

They drink themselves through a few more drinks as they make passing commentary on Balth and his search for a bedmate. He’s either been too picky or just plain ol’ struck out but his odds look good with this current group he’s talking to. The odds look to be in his favor this time around, one of them is bound to be interested.

_===_

Thirty minutes later Balth is walking up to the brothers, a person on each arm. “Fellas meet Anita and uhh...what was your name again love?”

“David.”

“Ahh yes. Fellas meet Anita and David. We’re headed out to have a little fun of our own. Care to join?”

“Yeah gonna have to pass on that Balthy but thanks.”

“Same. Be safe and call if you need anything.”

“Suit yourselves. More fun for me then.” He looks between David and Anita, “Lady. Gent. Your place or mine?” He turns them in the direction of the door, giving a final wave to Gabe and Cas.

“Make sure to wrap your willys!” Gabe shouts over the music. Balth throws a thumbs up and then all three become lost in the crowd.

“Sometimes your friend can be so skeevy Cas. Why do you hang out with him?”

“The same reason I hang out with you I suppose.”

“My charm and good looks?’

“Something like that.”

“Whatever Cas. Quit babysitting so we can blow this popsicle stand. I want waffles!”

_===_

Food always taste better while under the influence of alcohol. It’s science. It doesn’t matter what type of alcohol, all that matters is that you’ve had a decent, yet safe, amount of it before heading to the nearest crap 24 hour diner. It’ll help mask the taste of all of the crap food they serve to their drunken patrons. It’ll also help convince you that ordering enough waffles and bacon to feed a small army is a brilliant idea.

“My tummy hurts.” Gabe whines as he continues to stuff more waffle in his mouth.

“I’m not surprised. You ordered way too much and you drowned them in syrup.”

“Waffles without syrup are an abomination.”

“You still didn’t need to use two entire bottles on your waffles.”

“I had bacon too! Plus the bottles were half full when I got them.”

Cas just looks at his brother with disgust. He still doesn't understand how someone can consume that much sugar and not be morbidly obese, or worse. He should really think about submitting his brother to some type of medical testing facility.

“So you gonna call ol’ loverboy?”

Sometimes Cas doesn’t know why he even bothers talking to his brother about things, he hardly ever pays attention. Drunken state be damned. “Umm…no. He practically ran out the door.”

“Cut the guy some slack, today’s a shitty day for him.”

“What on earth are you talking about Gabriel?”

“It’s the anniversary of his mom's death. Never takes it well.”

“It’s the what?! Why didn’t you say something earlier? I feel like such an asshole.”

“Why didn’t you ask?” If there was a way to make someone spontaneously combust by just a look, it would be the look Castiel is giving his brother. “Hey! Don’t aim your smitey eyes in my direction.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

A few moments pass. Gabe still stuffing his face despite him continuously complaining about stomach pains and Cas is finishing up the ‘fresh and fit’ meal he ordered.

“So I guess I should probably text him then huh?”

“Nah, let him come to you when he’s ready. He’s not really all that good with sharing his feelings.”

“Yeah, I picked up on that.”

“And do not let this alter your opinion of him. He’ll hate it. Keep treating him as if you don’t know any of this information.”

“Of course.”

The brothers finish of their meals and soon are on their way to back to Cas’ place. Gabriel is staying the night so they can head over to Michael's tomorrow morning.

_===_

After Cas takes a quick shower and makes sure his brother has all he needs for the night he heads towards his bedroom. His mind is full of thoughts of Dean. He couldn’t imagine the pain he’s going through and just wants to reach out to him. Be there for him. But it’s not his place. Him and Dean are nothing but fuck buddies. Or maybe friends with benefits is a better term. Cas likes to think they’re friends, at least he considers Dean a friend. Who would have thought he’d be having such an issue deciding on what to classify him and the person he’s sleeping with as.

It’s pathetic.

Especially considering the fact that none of this actually matters. They sleep together and that’s it. Dean wouldn’t want him around for comfort, especially at such a sensitive moment in his life. He probably has tons of people to care for him. What would he need with Cas, his...nothing?

He just needs to accept the fact that he’ll never be more to Dean than just a good lay.

Before he’s fully overtaken by exhaustion, his phone pings with a notification. He blindly reaches forward in the dark room towards his nightstand to grab his phone. He adjust the brightness of his phone and then checks the notification. It’s a text message, probably from his brother sharing something inappropriate.

Once he finally navigates to the correct screen, he’s stunned to see who the message is from.

**Dean Winchester: Come over.**

 


	10. You, Me, and my Car

Not wanting to exist and wanting to die are two very different things. Despite what anyone else says, they're completely different things. Whether it's up and leaving without a trace to another place or simply never being born is a freedom that Dean will always lust after. He doesn't want to die, he's too scared to. Feel too guilty. He'd feel guilty leaving others to suffer through the loss of his mediocre life. It's probably why not existing is always the option he has leaned towards. You can't mourn something you that was never there to begin with.   
Dean always entertained the idea of death as if he had some type of say over it. He Used to always think about how he wanted to go, still does more often than he should. Sometimes the only thing keeping him here is knowing how bad it’ll hurt his brother. But now Sam has someone to help him through that potential pain. He has someone other than Dean to lean on. There’s no need to hope that he passes after all his loved ones because fact of the matter is, they’ve all got someone to help them get through any potential heartache they may have. If they have any at all. All Dean knows for sure is that he’s never felt so alone.   
He usually tries to write when he feels this low but that's not what he needs right now. More than anything he wants someone to talk to, someone to listen to him. To see past all his laughter and jokes and general happiness. See that he’s sad more often than not. That his heart feels too heavy for his chest. Eyes constantly burn with unshed tears. 

But that all requires him talking to someone and it's hard for him not to feel ridiculous doing so. There's no reason he shouldn't be able to handle himself. They’re his problems. They're so small compared to others. Or at least that's what his dad always told him. Always compared his suffering to others or his own. Always made Dean feel guilty for experiencing any other emotions that didn't put a smile on his face.    
Dean just needs someone to come save him because he doesn't think he can save himself anymore. Just wishes that someone could see how tired he is. That they could read his mind, his heart and understand that he’s tired of suffering.

Are we not far enough technology wise to have come up with some way to do that by now? We were supposed to have flying cars for crying out loud. Dean takes a moment to think about how bad ass baby would look soaring through the air. Beautiful beast of a car she is. And wouldn't that be nice? To fly away. To soar out on your own. Just you and freedom. 

He looks to his left and notices how peaceful Castiel looks. His face smooth, not an ounce of tension upon it. He wonders if he’d be upset if Dean woke him up to go for an early morning ride. More than anything Dean needs to feel rumble of his 1967 Chevy Impala underneath him. Roll her windows all the way down and feel the cool breeze against his face. He thinks Cas would appreciate her beauty but he couldn’t wake him up. Not when they basically just fell asleep a couple of hours ago, after Cas sobered him up enough to get him thinking straight.

Trying to drunkenly seduce your...whatever, probably wasn’t the best move. You would think he’d be embarrassed but truth is he really hadn’t asked Cas to come over for sex. He wanted the company. 

_===_

When the bar signaled last call, Dean couldn’t stomach the thought of spending the rest of the night alone. 

He had convinced Sam to call Jess and soon the trio were headed out to The Roadhouse to celebrate. 

Ellen, Jo, and Bobby were thrilled to hear about the news and instantly offered to host the engagement party. After sharing a toast to the happy couple, Dean sneaks away before anyone notices how forced his smile is. 

It isn’t long before Bobby finds him outside in the front patio nursing a couple of fingers of whiskey.

“How ya doin’ son?”

They both know it’s a loaded question. A few questions wrapped up in one, but the most important;  _ How are you dealing with today? _ But no matter what question he asked the response would be the same, “I’m fine.”

Bobby knows it’s bullshit but he also knows it’s best not to push Dean. They stand in companionable silence leaning against the railing. They watch people move up and down the street, all in different stages of intoxication. 

“Talked to your Daddy today, mentioned he stopped by your place the other day. Also mentioned you’ve got yourself a new friend.”

“Yeah, I’m sure that’s all he said.”

“You plan on bringin this friend of yours around for us to meet?”

“Ain’t like that, Bobby. We’re just friends.” He’s met with a look that says Bobby doesn’t believe him and lately Dean doesn’t believe himself. But that could also be the liquor clouding his mind.

“You know I don’t care who you bring around right, son? Just as long as they do right by you.”

And that’s just one of the reasons why Dean will forever wish he could call Bobby his father rather than John. He always just wanted the best for him and Sam.

“Yeah I know. And I promise if someone is stupid enough to fall for me like that, I’ll be sure to bring them by.” He takes a pull from is glass, “But don’t hold your breath.”

He can feel Bobby’s eyes on him. Can see the slight shake of his head out of the corner of his of his eye. He refuses to do anything but ignore it. He’s not in the mood for another “Don’t be silly, you’re a catch” lecture. He’s heard it enough times from enough people that he could probably write a pretty decent motivational book. But all those lectures don’t do squat if at the end of most days you still wish that you were something more. Someone more. 

More silence passes between them. Both given the chance to  finish what was left of their drinks. 

“You call him today?”

“Who?”

“Your Dad.”

“Nope.”

“He’s hurting. Same as you.”

“Doubt that.”

“Now, Dean-”

“No Bobby, you know what I went through. What me and Sam went through. Fuck him. God forbid he be a father for once and reach out to his sons.”

“All I’m sayin is that you should reach out to him. He’s the only Daddy you got.”

“Wrong. He maybe the only father I have, but he damn sure wasn’t a dad.” He finally turns to look at Bobby, “That was all you.” He gives Bobby’s shoulder a squeeze before turning to head inside for another drink. 

_===_

He isn’t sure when he passed pleasantly buzzed and moved onto just being downright drunk, but he’s thankful for such a giant of a brother. He hauls Dean out of the booth and onto his shoulder in one swift motion. Dean’s positive that he isn’t so drunk that he can’t use his own legs, but he is drunk enough not to protest.  _ Walking’s for suckers. _

“Shut up Dean.”

Oops, he could have sworn he said that in his head. Oh well, “Thanks Sammy.” He slaps his brother on the ass because, well because it’s there. And because it’s the only thing he currently has view of. Within the next few minutes Sam has him right side up, in the car, and heading in the direction of home. 

“I’m like really really happy for you two.” He pipes up from the backseat. “My baby brother is gonna be someone’s husband. Your husband Jess! You sure you wanna see his ugly face everyday for the rest of your life?”

She looks over at his brother, eyes full of love, bliss, and 100% certainty . “Yeah, I’m sure.”

“Wow Sam. You’re lucky. Found some-someone that loooves you.”

“You’ll find that someday too Dean.”

Dean blows a raspberry  into his hand “Psh, my eye’s missing. I’m damaged goods Jess.”

Sam and Jess both counter at the same time.

“Your eye’s not missing dumbass.”

“No you’re not Dean.”

Jess glares at Sam.

“What? It isn’t!”

“Don’t call your brother a dumbass.”

“Yeah Samantha!”

“Shut up Dean!”

“You shut up!”

“Omg! Both of you shut up! You guys are act like a bunch of two year olds.”

“Whatever. Still single. Still alone.” Dean sinks further into his seat trying to tune out Jess as she goes into a long rant about how there’s someone out there for everyone or some shit. 

No matter what she says, Dean knows the truth. He’s going to end up alone.

_===_

Dean waits outside for Cas to arrive. He was hoping the cool breeze would help sober him up a little. He can’t believe he drunk texted Cas to come over, but what’s even more surprising is that Cas agreed. He doesn’t know which gods are looking out for him tonight but he’s glad they are. He doesn’t think he’d be able to survive tonight alone.  Cas finally arrives after what feels like forever.

Dean leads Cas inside and straight through to his room. He’s nervous because he’s never had Cas over for anything less than sex. He isn’t sure how to tell him that he just couldn’t stand the thought of being alone tonight?

“Just like that.”

Shit. Was he thinking out loud again?

“Yes.”

He swings around to look at Cas. “It’s okay Dean. Granted not the late night drunk text I was expecting to answer but I’m still happy I did.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Dean searches Cas’ face for any hints of dishonesty but thankfully he finds none. 

They put on some netflix and talk for a while but eventually Dean start to feel like shit for inviting Cas over so late just to watch some crappy 90’s movie. 

In one fail swoop, Cas ends up with a lap full of Dean. They stare at each other for a bit before, Cas’ searching Dean’s face for the sudden mood change and Dean searching Cas’ face for any signs of rejection. When Dean feels like the starting has gone on long enough he leans in and starts peppering soft kisses all over Cas’ face. He plants one on right cheek, then his left. He plants another on his nose, forehead, and chin, until he finally lands on his mouth. Cas is pliant under his touch and is soon giving as much as he’s getting. Dean’s hands begin to wander, pulling off articles of clothing, kneading Cas’ shoulders and arms. They stay like this for a while, kissing , touching, caressing. It isn’t until Dean reaches down towards the other man’s waistband that Cas puts a stop to things.

“I thought you said you didn’t want to do anything tonight?”

“I changed my mind.” Cas is looking at him skeptically, knowing that what Dean is saying is complete and utter bullshit. But Dean feels bad at least not offering to get Cas off. He just hopes that Cas for once, is like every other guy and just takes this ‘yes’ for face value. 

“We really gotta work on you keeping your thoughts inside that head of yours.”

_ Shit. _

“Look Dean, although I appreciate the thought and consideration, you don’t have to worry about me. You don’t owe me anything.”

“You sure? I don’t mind.”

“Yeah, I’m sure Dean.” He leans up and plants a kiss on Dean’s lips. “Let’s get some sleep. You can make me waffles in the morning if you still feel like you owe me something.”

“I was going to do that anyways.”

“Than it’s a win-win.”

Cas pulls Dean down and underneath the comforter. He turns off netflix and the Dean’s playstation and television. He gathers Dean in his arms and places a kiss to the back of his head. 

“G’night.”

_===_

It isn’t until Cas begins to stir that Dean is pulled out of his thoughts. He’s standing in front of his dresser searching for a shirt one of his favorite band tees. Cas’ voice sounding even deeper from sleeping, “What time is it?”

“Uhh...almost five. Go back to bed, it’s early.”

“It is.” Cas fully sits up and gives his full attention to Dean, “What’s going on? Did you need me to leave?”

“No! No. I just-I couldn’t sleep. Needed something to do.”  

“And what were you going to do?” 

“Drive.” And before Dean could think any better of it he adds, “Want to join me?”

He’s scared to look at Cas for the answer. He’s not sure if he can handle being turned down right now. Not that Dean could blame him seeing how it is five in the morning. It’s a lot to ask from someone but he’s starting to learn that Cas isn’t just a someone. He finally looks away from his dresser and back towards Cas, only to be met with Cas pulling on his hoodie from the night before. 

Guess he finally asked for too much.

Cas turns to look at him, “You sure you’re okay to drive?” 

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay. Gimmie me a sec to use your bathroom and I’ll be ready to go.”

“Wait. You’ll come with me?”

“Of course.”  He flashes Dean a smile before he heads towards the direction of the bathroom. 

_===_

It’s always puts a good feeling in Dean’s chest when he can watch someone appreciate the beauty of his baby. She is after all an extension of him and when they compliment her, they’re really complementing Dean. The Impala was given to him by John. Well not so much given but more like placed in possession after one too many of his father’s DUI’s. That was a few years ago but thankfully John has never asked for the keys back because Dean loves every inch of her. It’s basically his childhood, where him and Sammy grew up. They traveled along near and far, on family road trips and solo times of reflection. Some of Dean’s favorite memories took place within this car. He’s always felt invincible in this car. Like no matter was going on in his life, as long as he was behind the wheel of his baby, everything would be okay. It’s as close to freedom as he’s ever felt. 

“She-she fits you. I don’t think I can imagine you driving anything other than this.”

Dean’s never heard that before. He isn't sure how to take it. Is it a compliment? An insult? Like when you see a less than average looking baby and you say “Oh my goodness, they look just like you.”? No offense to those babies out there, but Dean doesn’t know how to respond. So he doesn’t. He just opens the door and gets behind the wheel. Freedom. That’s all he’s worried about. 

It isn’t as awkward as he thought it’d be. Most people find it uncomfortable to sit in silence with another person but thankfully Cas isn’t one of those people, and if he is, he’s not letting it show. They drive for about an hour around the city nothing to fill the silence but the sound of tires hitting the pavement and one of Dean’s cassette playing quietly in the background. Dean steals glances of Cas from time to time. He’s looking out the passenger window, he looks content. Hopefully after the drive Dean will have the same look. 

“My mom passed away fifteen years ago yesterday.” He looks upward, trying to stop the tears from falling. It’s still hard for him to say out loud. “I never take it too well.”

He has Cas’ full attention now, but he refuses to acknowledge it. If he acknowledges it he’ll break, and he can’t break in front of Cas.

“I don’t know if anyone would.”

“Sammy seems to be doing just fine.”

“That’s not fair to assume. Sam has Jessica and-”

“-And I have no one.”

“You have me.”

Dean turns to look at him. There was so much sincerity in those three words, in his eyes. Dean wants to believe him but people have a habit of not keeping their word.

“Thanks. And thanks for coming with me.”

“You’re very welcome Dean.”

They drive around for a little while longer, until they can no longer ignore their hunger. They end up at this little hipster cafe, where waffles are incorporated into every menu item. 

“I could have sworn that you were supposed to be the one making me waffles this morning.” He leans close to whisper to Dean. And really, there isn’t a need to whisper seeing as how they’re two of the five patrons in the tiny little cafe. But Dean doesn’t call him on it because it’s nice. Calming even. It’s surprising to Dean that Cas has as much of a calming effect on him as his car does.

“How about I make you dinner instead?” 

 


	11. I'm adorable

They’ve finally made their way back to Dean’s place, even more tired than when they first left.

They’re both silent as they head towards Dean’s room, more exhausted mentally than physically.  

Cas’ body melts into the memory foam mattress beneath him, his head propped up against the dark mahogany headboard behind him. Dean following into bed seconds after. Before Cas has the chance to put some space between them, Dean has rolled over and wrapped his arms around Cas’ torso, head pillowed on his chest. Cas hesitates for a moment before wrapping his arms around Dean in return. He hears Dean sigh before burrowing deeper into his chest and pulling the covers up and around them. It doesn’t take long before both of their breathing evens out and they’re asleep.

_===_

Cas wakes before Dean and attempts to analyze all the events leading up to the impromptu early morning drive. He knew things were a little off with him but he just assumed it was because he was heavily intoxicated. But now, knowing what he knows, he should have known that it was something more. He can only imagine how much Dean’s heart must be hurting.

He looks down at the still sleeping form lying on his chest. He’s never seen him look so peaceful, so calm. He wishes he could protect him from all the hurt and pain the world has out there. He doesn’t need any more, he’s had enough. Before Cas can think better of it, he leans down to place a kiss on top of Dean’s head. As Cas is leaning back Dean begins to stir, blinking the sleep away.

“Hey.”

“Hey. How are you feeling?”

Dean rolls off of Castiel and onto the unoccupied side of the bed and mumbles, “Embarrassed,” before throwing his arm over his face in an attempt to hide. That does nothing to stop Castiel from pulling away his hand, and throwing his leg over to straddle Dean.

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, Dean.”

“Says you. You weren’t the one who had a fucking breakdown in front of their...uh...whatever the hell we are.”

Cas is excited to know that Dean thinks they’re something but he didn’t miss how uncomfortable and tensed that small little slip up of a confession made him. He chooses to ignore it and leans forward to speak softly into Dean’s ear. “We’re friends,” then grinds down hard before finishing, “with some benefits.”

That’s all the invitation Dean needs before he flips Cas over to switch their positions.

“Benefits, you say. What kind of benefits?”

“Whatever kind you want to receive…or give.” Cas grinds up to make Dean aware of how hard he’s become.  

Dean dips his hand into Cas’ pants, down past his the band of his underwear. He wraps a hand around Cas’ cock and pulls him all the way out.  

Cas makes a noise that Dean could definitely get used to hearing. “Dean,” he whines, his hands reach out towards Dean.

“Feel good?” Cas nods. Feeling encouraged, Dean sets a slow pace, Cas rock hard in his hand, a bit of precome leaking out. All at once Dean lets go and moves down and away from Cas. Before Cas can fully let out a whine in protest, Dean settles between his legs, hooking a knee over his shoulder. He licks a long wet strip up the underside of Cas’ cock then sucks the tip in between his lips in an open-mouth kiss.

He glances up Cas, making eye contact and smiles before ducking back down again.

Cas almost swallowed his tongue when their eyes met.

He goes down further this time, and starts to move his mouth up and down faster and faster. He begins to hum a little once he gets a good rhythm going.  

“Holy fuck,” Cas moans as he tugs at Dean’s hair “I’m close.”

“Can’t have you finishing off early, now can we?” Dean whispers. He gently moves Cas’ leg from his shoulder and sits up and leans back. Cas whimpers, disliking how much is distance is growing between his cock and Dean’s mouth.

Dean pulled off his clothes and then removed the rest of Cas’. He reached over into his nightstand and pulled out what he needed. He lowered himself on Cas and grasped both of their cocks in one hand. Cas whimpered again.

“Dean. Please.”

Dean let go and poured some lube on his fingers. He prepped Cas as fast and gently as he could. He ripped into the foil packet with his teeth and rolled the condom down onto his leaking cock.

They both fought to keep their eyes open as Dean slowly pushed in, the pleasure too intense, too much. They were both already so close. Dean stilled, letting Cas get used to the fullness.

“Move, Dean. Now.” Cas growled.

Dean didn’t need to be told twice. He pulled almost all the way out before sliding back in. Jaw clenched tight. He repeated the motions again and again. He loved the breathless little whimpers he was pulling out of the man beneath him. The low-pitch groan that he dragged from his throat every time he was fully inside.

Cas began to meet everyone of Dean’s thrust. Soon crying out when Dean hit a particularly sensitive bundle of nerves, He was relentless. He aimed for it with each and every thrust and Cas was falling apart. Dean reached down between them and began stroking Cas’ cock in time with his thrust. Cas cried out, the first hint of his orgasm peaking through. Dean fisted the base of his cock, withholding his release. He wasn’t ready for Cas to cum yet. He wasn’t ready to cum yet.

“Dean,” Cas begged. Hans scrambling to find something to hold onto, they latched onto Dean’s arms, holding on painfully tight. Dean slammed into him harder. His thighs burning, but he wasn’t ready yet.

A few more thrust and his orgasm punches through him. He cums with a shout, almost forgetting to release the death grip on Cas’ cock. He pumped his fist and hips a few more times and soon enough Cas is spilling over as well.

Dean collapses forward and onto Cas, not giving two fucks about the mess between them and they both doze off.

_===_

Dean grabs his phone to check the time when he wakes up again and see’s that he has a few text messages from his brother.

**Sammy: Went out with Jess.**

**Sammy: Glad you’re feeling better but next time keep it down, jerk.**

**Sammy: Oh yeah tell Castiel I said hi! :P**

Fuck, he completely forgot him and Jess were here. Oh well, nothing he can do about it now.

**Dean: Thanks bitch! I’ll pass on the message.**

He makes a stop by the bathroom before he goes to the kitchen and grabs a couple of water bottles from the fridge and some snacks for him and Cas. Him and Cas. More and more he’s starting to like the sound of that, especially after last night. He’s not sure if he would have made it back from his drive without him. He hasn’t been this bad in a long time. And even though he’s not used to having anyone beside him during those drives, it was nice to have Cas. He just, he feels safe. And Dean never knew that you could find such security in someone who wasn’t family.

When he heads back towards his room Cas is exactly where he left him; completely naked and tangled in Dean's sheets softly snoring.

He snaps a picture on his phone because, because why the hell not. He’s floating on good feelings and he wants to capture them. This beautiful man says he’s down to be by his side when he’s feeling like shit and whether he actually meant it or not, it’s a good fucking feeling.

He sets down the drinks and snacks and grabs his journal. He wants to share this feeling with his mom and writing to her, as he sometimes does, is the only way he knows how.

The one time that Dean did go talk to a professional to talk about his feelings regarding his mother's death; she had suggested that he write his mother a _goodbye letter._ He had already said goodbye. How many different ways could he tell his mom goodbye? He was there when she took some of her final breaths. He was there when her body was lowered into the fucking ground for christ sake! That was enough. More than enough.

“Dean?” Cas sits up and pulls Dean into his arms, “Are you okay? You’re crying.”  
Shit. When did that happen? He takes a moment to calm himself and stop the tears, and calm himself.

“I’m fine Cas. Just thinking about my mom.”

“I see.” And before Dean realizes what's happening, Cas is pulling him back down under the sheets. Where Dean expects wondering hands, he gets one wrapped around his middle rubbing small circles where his fingers have landed and the rest of Cas pressed against his backside. They’re cuddling. Without any sex as a prelude. Cas just somehow knew he needed it and he did just that. Feels nice to be taken care of. Weird, but nice.

After a while, Dean breaks the silence, “My brother told me to tell you hi.”

“He’s here?”  
“Not anymore. I think him and Jess left because we were a little too loud earlier. Least that’s what he said anyways.”

“Oh my God. Please tell your brother and Jessica that I sincerely apologize. I didn’t know they were home. Why didn’t you tell me your brother was here assbutt?” He pinches Dean’s hips for emphasis.

“Assbutt? Kinda repetitive ain’t it? And relax, he’s fine.”

“I have a professional relationship with your brother, and I’d rather him not know how I sound when I’m getting fucked.”

“But it’s fine that he knows whose dick you like getting fucked by?”

“Shut up.” Cas attempts to push Dean off the bed. “You’re impossible.”

“Impossibly attractive?”

This time when Cas pushes him, he does it with more force and Dean actually tumbles off the bed with an indignant squawk. He tries to look upset but when he sees Cas trying to hide his laughter, he knows he probably just looks more like a pouty three year old. When he attempts to scowl harder, the other man actually burst into laughter as he peeks over the edge of the bed.

“You look adorable,” Cas says in between fits of laughter.

“I’m adorable.” Yeah, he’s definitely coming off more like a three year old.

_===_

Dean walks Cas to his car, a shiny black Mercedes jeep.

“Gotta say, of all the things I expected you to drive, this was definitely not one of them.”

“It was a gift. A version of a gift that 17 year old me wanted way back when.”

“Wow 17 year old you had pretty luxurious taste.”

“17 year old me, who had just gotten introduced to _Jurassic Park_ wanted the jeep that was in the cool dino movie. But 30 year old me received this,” he points towards the offending vehicle, “for their birthday after a particularly bad _misunderstanding_ , with my family.”

“Geez, how bad was this misunderstanding?”

“Bout five-years.”

“Uhh...I don’t think that’s a misunderstanding. That’s more like a….”

“Guilt gift? Yeah, but I fell in love with her, so here she is.”

“Still one hellueva  gift.”

“Yeah, I usually only take her out on weekends though.” Cas stage whispers, “she’s not very good on gas.”

That for whatever reason sends Dean into a fit of uncontrollable giggles. He completely understands because although his baby is sexy as hell, gas mileage just isn’t her thing.

Cas leans closer and Dean wraps an arm around his waist, “I completely understand, my Baby has an irresponsible gas mileage as well.”

Cas leans up and plants and soft kiss on Dean’s cheek, “Try and get some rest Dean. I’ll text you in the morning.”

As Cas starts to walk away, Dean grabs his hand and pulls him back towards him, “I’m pretty sure I promised to make you dinner.”

“You did, didn’t you?”

“I did.” Dean notices their voices are barely above a whisper. “Stay.”

“I’ve got errands to run.” And for whatever reason, despite his better judgment he invites Dean to go with him. “You could go with me?”

“I do need to go to the grocery store for supplies…”

“Then it’s settled. Hope on in.”

“Okay, let me just go and grab my wallet and keys.”

_===_

It’s weird being in the passenger seat of Cas’ car. Hell it’s weird being in the passenger seat of anyone’s car. He always feels like he’s sneaking behind baby’s back. And on the rare occasions that he drives someone else's car...man, he feels like baby should serve him with divorce papers as soon as he gets home.

_Maybe Sam’s right, maybe he does have an unhealthy obsession with his car._

Psshh...what does that overgrown moose know anyways.

Cas is for the most part a safe driver, even if road rage gets the better of him from time to time.

“Geez Cas, you kiss your mother with that mouth?”

“Didn’t hear you complaining about my mouth earlier today, Mr. Winchester.”

_Mr. Winchester_ , that shouldn’t make his cock twitch. Mr. Winchester is his father. Mr. Winchester is his brother in court. But for some reason, the way Cas says it, the teasing challenge hidden in its tone; the promise for more.

Dean likes it. Or moreso, he likes who’s saying it

Cas was supposed to be a one-night stand. A wham-bam-thank-you-sir. But instead, Dean is sitting in the passenger seat of this man’s luxurious ass jeep, becoming increasingly hard all because the sonuvabitch said his name in that sexy voice of his.

The clearing of Cas’ throat pulls brings Dean back to reality. “Uhh, what?”

They’re at a stoplight, “I asked if I should pull over?” Cas’ eyes flit down to where Dean’s hand is resting against his thigh, his thumb stroking the fabric of his dark wash jeans. He studies him a little longer before focusing back on the road ahead of him, waiting for the light to turn green.

“You’re going to be the death of me Cas.”

“Is that a yes or a no?” This little nerd shouldn’t be as hot as he is. He’s a goddamn social worker for christsakes. Sam’s a social worker.

And Dean’s really got to stop thinking of his brother during moments like this.

Dean nods, “Fuck yeah, it’s a yes. Pull over Cas.”

“Whatever you say, Mr. Winchester.”

He’s such a little shit.

_===_

Once they actually started running errands, it didn’t take long at all to complete everything on Cas’ list. Cas had to do a lot of mundane things to do, and once they were finished, they headed to the local grocery store to grab all the ingredients needed for the chicken carbonara Dean was going to make them for dinner.  

It was all very domestic. Usually doing something like this would scare Dean off, but somehow with Cas, everything was different. It was weird how not freaked out Dean was about everything. Hell he even noticed himself thinking ‘I’ll make sure to grab that next time’, when Cas pointed out a particular item he favored.

It was nice.

Dinner was nice.

It was casual and relaxed. Cas helped a little in the kitchen until Dean shooed him away. He wasn’t used to sharing this space. Cooking in the kitchen was sacred and to be honest, Cas was distracting as hell. He had almost burned himself twice watching Castiel move around his kitchen with ease.

“Should I get emergency service here on standby?”

“Shut up and go stand somewhere over there.” Dean waved his fork in a direction away from the kitchen. “You and your cute ass are distracting me.”

“You think my ass is cute?” He twisted hips in Dean's direction and smiled over his shoulder.

“You’re annoying.”

“Now Dean, I think we both know,” Cas lowers his voice as he finishes the rest of the sentence, “I’m adorable.”

 

 


	12. Out

The holidays have passed, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and even Cas’ thirty-sixth birthday. Cas wasn't expecting anything, maybe just a simple ‘happy bday’ text, but he definitely wasn't expecting Dean to show up at his doorstep unannounced at 10:35 at night with a larger than average cupcake, a bottle of wine, and his ever present smirk.

“Happy birthday Cas. Gonna invite me in?” Dean winks.

Still stunned Cas’ only response is to nod and move to give the other man enough space to come in.

“Hope I wasn't interrupting anything?” Dean comments as he walks in and heads towards the living room.

“Nope. Nothing at all.” Cas grabs two wine glasses from the kitchen and settles on his couch with Dean. They share the cupcakes, wine, and a few orgasms before calling it a night and heading for bed. With his head pillowed on Dean's chest, Cas can't help but smile; this is the best birthday/Christmas he’s had in a very long time.

Cas knows that if he were to describe his and Dean’s relationship to anyone they would classify Dean as his boyfriend, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. At least Cas thinks so. The last and only time he had talked to Dean about it, they were still just ‘friends with benefits’. Whatever the hell that means. He’s pretty sure that relationships that fall into that category don't spend all of their free time with each other. Sleeping over at one another's houses, leaving toothbrushes in the bathroom, an extra pair of clothes in each other's closets and dressers. But he’s scared to ask Dean what they’ve turned into.

What if that pushes him away?

Despite how fucked up and confusing the situation may seem to someone else, Cas is happy. And Cas doesn’t want to lose Dean on such a stupid technicality such as what the hell he should introduce Dean as if it ever were to come up. A title doesn’t mean anything, right? It’s restricting. Dean’s free to do whatever or whomever he wants and so is Castiel. Not that he wants to do anyone else but Dean. Frankly he doesn’t think he has the stamina for that.

Most of their free time is spent in and out of each other. Which is beyond amazing, but Cas doesn’t think he could handle fucking another person. He’d be too exhausted.

“Uhh...Why are you staring into your Frosted Flakes like they personally offended you?”

“When the hell did you get in my house? And _how_ the hell did you get into my house?”

“Both very excellent questions, but you haven’t answered mine little brother.”

“Gabriel!”

“Ugh, fine. I came in last night at oh, about 2:30/3ish. I used the key you made me. You’re usually at Dean’s place or Dean’s usually here distracting you while I slip in and/or out unnoticed.”

“Why would you need to be slipping anywhere unnoticed? And that key was for emergencies only, Gabriel!”

“It was an emergency!” Cas shoots Gabriel a look of disbelief. “My lease was up a few weeks ago and since Kali and I are on the outs again, and I think this time for good-”

“Gabriel are you living at my house?”

“Yes, I didn’t have anywhere else to go.” He takes a breath before finishing, “I was ashamed to tell you.”

Cas grabs his older brother and pulls him into a hug. “You could have told me. I wouldn't have turned you away. Take the guest bedroom.”

“Thanks little brother.”

“Welcome. Do we need to go pick up your stuff?”

Gabriel looks suspicious, “Uh, my stuff is kinda already here...in the guest bedroom.”

Cas walks down the hall into said bedroom. At first glance he doesn’t notice anything different, but when he walks in and slides open the closet door, all of his brothers stuff tumbles out. He pinches the bridge of his nose. Leave it to Gabriel to move in unnoticed. “Wait! Is this why my foods been mysteriously disappearing?”

“Maybe?”

“You don’t have to give me anything for rent but you do have to buy your own damn food and stop eating mine, jackass.” He pushes his brother as he walks back into the kitchen.

“Aye, aye Cassie! Thanks again.”

“Whatever. Clean up your room. I’m going to finish breakfast and go to Dean’s.”

“What’s going on between you two love birds anyways? You're so far up his ass you didn’t even know I was here.”

Dean has that effect on him. When they’re together, he seems to forget everything else and everyone around him.

“None of your business.”

And for once Gabe doesn’t push the issue, at least for now. Probably not wanting to push too far seeing as how he just got actual permission to stay with Cas. “Fine. Just be careful.”

“Of course.”

_===_

Sandover High is on winter break and Dean’s working limited hours at The Roadhouse. Which means Cas and Dean have been spending a lot more time together than usual. And Cas loves it. Dean could literally be doing a hundred other things with his time off but instead he decides to spend it with Cas. It’s nice. He’s nice. So nice in fact, he is currently on his way to Cas’ office to have lunch with him, and he even stopped by The Roadhouse to pick up some burgers. Cas doesn’t know many people that would willing go into their place of work on their day off just to pick up burgers to have lunch with their _friends with benefits_.

But then again it's different for Dean and The Roadhouse, his family is there. It’s not a burden for him to go into his second job. For him it’s a social call. Maybe Cas is just reaching, maybe he’s just looking for any clues that will help him define what him and Dean actually are, what they could possibly be. And maybe he should really stop doing that. He got “Mr. I don’t do repeats” to repeat again, and again, and again. What more could he want? He’s needs to stop being greedy. Just be happy with what he has.

“Knock-knock. Pizza man!” Dean said from the doorway of Cas’ office.

Cas quickly looks up from his work, “I thought you were bringing burgers? Oh. Haha very funny Dean.”

“It made you laugh last night.”

“Yeah, well I make it a point not to role play during my working hours.”

“Psh that’s lame. I feel like we’re really missing on some of our best work. Nice office like this? We could really do some damage.”

Cas just looks at Dean, who has now propped himself in what Cas assumes is supposed to be seductive, against the nearest wall.  “What? What are you doing?”

“I’m trying to seduce you. Is it working?”

“No. Now please bring the burgers over here, they smell delicious.” Cas makes grabby hands in Dean’s direction.

Dean walks over and sets the bag down on Cas’ desk while sporting a pretty impressive pout. If it weren’t for the beard and his height, someone would probably mistake him for a three-year-old. Cas lets him sulk for a few minutes longer and then he gets up and walks around his desk to where Dean is. He drops himself on Dean's lap and begins to kiss the pout away.

_===_

“Caaaasssss. I don’t want to go to the bookstore. You take forever.” Dean looks very much like three year old he’s sounding like. In fact Dean’s been acting very child like a lot lately. Every time Cas tries to bring up what's bothering him Dean swiftly changes the subject.

“I didn’t really want to suck your dick last night but I did it anyways.”

“Shut up you love sucking my dick.”

“Do I?” Cas has been told he has a pretty good poker face.

“You said so!”

“I lied.”

“You’re an asshole you know that?”

“I do.”

Cas quickly walks into the store before Dean has a chance to say anything else. He wanted to grab a couple of books for the Harrison brothers. Cas didn’t get a chance to see them before Christmas and wanted to get them a gift for their next meeting.

Cas wanders around the store a bit, wondering exactly what types of books a 13 and 9 year old would be interested in. Dean ditched him as soon as he smelled coffee being freshly brewed. He browsed through the children's section but felt that all the books were a bit too juvenile for young Aiden and of course this section was out of the question for Ashton. Dean finally meets back up with him in the young adult section.

“Aren’t these a bit too childish for a 13 year old?” Dean ask as he sips his sugary concoction.

“Possibly, but I think Aiden would enjoy some of these. They’re both pretty mature for their age.” Cas holds out his hand waiting for Dean to share his drink with him.

“And why are you getting them books anyways? Why don’t you get them something cooler? Like nerf guns or something?”

“I’m a social worker Dean, I can’t give them such a violent gift. Besides books are amazing! A well-written story can transport you into a different world, one that’s not as shitty as the one you currently inhabit. And, even if for some reason it’s shittier, it’s somewhat inspiring to see someone make it out of their situation, even if that someone is fictional.”

“So you like books. Got it.” He takes his now, practically empty drink back from Cas and mutters under his breath, “I knew I should bought you your own.”

Cas just raises an eyebrow at him before he turns to continue looking for books. He doesn't understand why he loves the asshole.  

Did he just…

No. No there’s no way.

He can’t love him.

He doesn’t even know how to define what they are. You can’t fall in love with your friends with benefits. Your fuck buddy.  And you definitely can’t realize you love them in a goddamn bookstore in the middle of the goddamn day while being irritated because said fucker had the nerve to get upset because you drank all of his drink and he didn’t think to get you your own. Except he does that kind of shit all the time. And not just with drinks, with everything! He does coupley shit all the time and then complains. And how the fuck is someone not suppose to find that adorably cute and endearing and not want to fuck said someone against every available surface? And spend every minute with them? And fall fucking in love with them? You just can’t!

But except apparently you can.

And he did.

“What the actual FUCK!”

“Geez, calm down. I was just joking, I don’t mind sharing.”

It isn’t until he feels Dean’s hand on his shoulder does he come back to reality. “Uhh..sorry. Just...gimme a sec.” Cas dashes off towards the bathroom. He needs to be anywhere but next to Dean. He just needs a moment to gather his thoughts and figure everything out.

Thankfully the bathroom is only one-stall so he doesn’t have to worry about Dean following him in. He locks the door behind him and walks over towards the sink to splash some water on his face. He’s beyond confused and before he knows it, his phone is already to his ear.

“What’s crackin’ bro?”

“I think I might be in love with Dean.”

“You stupid sonuva bitch! Didn’t I tell you to be careful?”

“What?! I was careful!” Cas loudly whispers into the phone.

“Obviously you didn’t otherwise you wouldn’t be on the phone with me crying.”

“I’m not crying you assbutt! I’m just...I don’t know what I am.”

“You’re a stupid smuck is what you are. Did you tell him?”

“God no!”

“Okay, Okay that’s good at least. Just pull back. Stop spending so much time with him.” Gabriel says this like it’s the easiest thing in the world. And it should be but when it comes to Dean, Cas is like a moth to a flame. His personality is just too bright and beautiful for Cas to resist.

“I don’t want to. I want-”

“Uhh...Cas? You in there buddy?” Of course Dean would come and check on him.

“Yeah, just a minute.” He calls back out to him.

“I gotta go. I’ll call you back later.”

“Aww, came to check on you! Wait where are you?”

“I’m uhh….hiding out in the men’s restroom.”

“You’re such a doofus. I’ll see you later tonight. Try and control your emotional urges bro.”

“Thanks, I’ll try.”

He actually uses the restroom instead of just hiding out in it and exits the restroom.  He finds Dean browsing through the self-help section near the entrance of the restroom.

“Hey. Everything okay? You had a weird look on your face before you took off.”

“Yeah, sorry. Guess that drink didn’t settle well with me.” Dean doesn’t look like he really believes Cas’ lame excuse but he doesn’t press the issue any further so Cas considers that a win. And really, his excuse isn’t too far from the truth. His stomach is all tied up in knots ever since his accidental realization.

They continue to browse the self-help section a little while longer, poking fun at the different titles and topics some authors come up with. They come up on what seems to be be the gay and lesbian area of the self-help section when Dean pulls out a book and holds it up for Cas to see. “ _How to Get Laid: The Gay Man’s Essential Guide to Hot Sex._ Hmm...wonder if I shoulda just bought this for my old man. Maybe he wouldn’t have asked so many stupid ass questions.”

“I take it your father didn’t take you coming out well?”

“Literally the understatement of the century. And yet it was still better than it could have been.”

“I’m sorry to hear that Dean.” And he really is, he hates that parents can’t just accept their children for who and what they are. Just another reason why he got into social work he supposes.

“Ehh...toughened me up. What about you? Was it easy for you to come out?”

“I guess, all things considered. Just like you, I suppose it could have been worse.”

“Sucks man.”

“Yeah. Anyways, we should continue looking, I’m starting to get hungry so I know you must be starving.” They head back towards the young adult section.

“Did you just call me fat? Maybe I should head back to the self help area and pick up a dieting book.”

“I’m not even going to dignify that with an answer.”

“So you do think I’m fat!”, he’s speaking louder now. Grabbing the attention of two middle aged women nearby. And of course he stops to talk to them, “Can you believe he thinks I’m fat?! He knows I have a pituitary gland problem!” He’s all faux innocence with his puppy dog eyes.

“You don’t even know where your pituitary gland is?”

“Pfft. Oh so now you’re calling me dumb? Am I just fat and dumb, Cas? Why do you hurt me like this?” Dean clutches at his chest as he turns towards the two women, trying to gain sympathy from them. Thankfully they aren’t taking Dean seriously, just happy to amuse Dean and his antics.

“You know I don’t think you’re dumb or fat, assbutt.”

“Gasp! Now you think I have a fat ass?” He turns back to the older women, “Can you believe this guy?”

Cas can clearly see the mischief in Dean’s eyes and he’s tired of resisting. Two can play this game. He grabs Dean’s hand and pulls him close, whispering loudly enough that only those closest to them can hear. “Now honey, you know your ass is what got my attention in the first place,” Cas reaches around and quickly pinches the other man’s ass, “It’s one of my favorite things about you. Well besides your eyes,” Cas kisses the one closest to him, “you’re cute little nose.” Cas place kiss there too. “And of course your full, plush lips. Just perfect for…” Cas lets the rest of the sentence hang in the air as he leans in for a quick peck. When he straightens back up he notices the ladies are silently giggling to themselves. One of them places a hand on Dean's shoulder and tells him that he’s got a good man and to never let him go. He in return, grabs a handful of Cas’s ass and says he doesn’t plan on it.

And it’s shit like that, that no wonder Cas is in love with him. He’s a playful, charming asshole. How is Cas not supposed to fall for that?

They finally find two books for the boys. The first Harry Potter book for Aiden and _Batman: The Killing Joke_ , a graphic novel, for Ashton. Cas’ is a little concerned that his choice for Ashton might be a little too mature for someone his age, but Dean reminds him that Ashton is a little mature for someone his age and he’ll be able to handle it.

It’s nice having someone to talk to about his cases and in return Dean talks about his students. Sometimes he even asks Cas for advice on how to deal with some of his students whom he notice are having a difficult time.

_===_

They're lying in Cas’ bed completely full on the pasta Gabriel made for dinner. Throughout the entire meal, Cas felt his brother over analyzing all of his and Dean’s interactions. It was weird to be on the other side of such intense staring. It was something he used to always get made fun of when he was younger but thanks to Gabriel and his surprisingly comforting and inspiring words he learned not to give a fuck about what others thought about his odd habits.  

He thinks Dean’s just about to drift off when he brings up a topic from earlier.

“My ex is the one who outted me to my dad.” He says it so low that Cas isn’t sure if he was actually meant to hear him or not. He takes a chance and response anyways, the same volume as the man next to him.

“Why’d he do that?”

“He claims he was tired of being ‘my dirty little secret’ but I think that’s bullshit. I can’t exactly figure out why but it’s just a gut feeling ya know?”

“You should always go with you intuition Dean.” Dean hums in agreement. “You mind if ask how it happened?”

“He kissed me in front of my Dad.” Cas knows there’s more to the story. Of course there is, but the way Dean said it, he didn’t leave any room for more questions. So Cas doesn’t push any further, respecting Dean’s choice not to share but he does offer up his own information.

“My parents were, or rather are, very religious. They even considered sending me away to one of those fucked up camps that promise to, I don’t know pray the gay out of you or some ridiculous bullshit like that.”

“What made them change their mind?”

“Gabriel. He picked me up in the middle of the night, after I informed him about the camp brochures I found and we, for lack of a better term, ran away. I don’t really know how it could be considered running away at 25 years old but it’s essentially what happened. I didn’t talk my parents or my older brother, Michael, for a few years after that.”

Dean grabbed his hand somewhere in the middle of the confession and is now rubbing small circles on his hand with his thumb. It’s comforting. “What made you start talking to them again?”

“I don’t really think you can classify our form of communication as talking but, I just got over it I guess. I could hate them for rest of my life and regret every wasted moment I didn’t spend with them after they left this earth, or I could put our differences aside and speak to them on major holidays and randomly in between those times. During those years I mostly missed Michael. It was the hardest to let him go.” Dean swipes away the wetness from his eyes. He hasn’t cried about this in a very long time, but it still hurts. Michael pretty much raised him and Gabriel. His only fault was blindly following what their parents- mostly their father- thought was right.

“He was just following our father. He was always taught to be the ‘the good little holy soldier,’as Gabe calls him,. I just wish our father’s beliefs didn’t steal so much time from us. It wasn’t until I got into a minor motorcycle accident that Michael and I reconnected.”

“Wait, you have a motorcycle?”

“Had. Both Michael and Gabe made me promise to never get on another one after that scare.”

“What happened?”

“Let’s just say rain, speeding, and motorcycles don't mix.”

“Pfft, I coulda told you that.”

“Well why didn’t you?” They share a small laugh, “I don’t think I would have listened anyway. Younger me was a bit of a thrill seeker. Plus I was rushing to my then boyfriend's house for ‘mindblowing sex’. Now that I’m older and more experienced I can confidently say that sex with him was never ‘mindblowing’ and he definitely wasn’t worth hearing my parents tell me that ‘maybe that was God’s way of trying to save me from my sinful ways.’”

“No offense Cas, but your parents sound like a big bag of hairy dicks.”

“Yeah.”

“Well I’m glad you're okay.” Dean squeezes his hand and places a quick kiss on his forehead.

“Thanks, me too.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you wanted to come say hi :)  
> mydramatiiclife.tumblr.com


	13. Fairytales and Nightmares

“Cas. Cas, I’m gonna-” Dean breaths. And that’s all Cas needs to hear. He backs off of Dean’s dick, giving it one last little teasing lick, and sits back on his heels grinning deviously up at Dean, his lips red and slick with spit. “You’re such an asshole,” Dean accuses, a hint of laughter threatening to follow his words.

“Who me?” Cas replies innocently, rising to his feet to crowd himself into Dean’s space. “Aren’t you having fun?” He starts to strip out of his shirt before he gives Dean a chance to answer. He tosses his shirt in the same direction that the rest of Dean’s clothes have landed.

“Never said I wasn’t,” Dean corrects him. “But you’re trying to bait me.”

“Me?” Cas gasps, “I would never.” He steps closer into Dean’s space, planting his hands on Dean’s hips. “But if I was, would it be working?”

“Maybe.” He leans in and captures Cas’ lips, kissing him fiercely. Tongue delving into in to Cas’ mouth. Cas lets him take the lead for a moment, humming softly against Dean’s lips.  But as soon as Dean comes up for a breath, Cas seizes the moment.

He completely crowds into Dean’s space, pushing him against the wall. He drags a hand downs Dean chest until it closes around Dean’s dick. “Fuck, Cas,” Dean moans.

“Sonuvabitch! Oh hell no!”

Cas lets go of Dean’s dick and swings around towards the direction of his brother.

“Goddammit Gabe! Why are you here?!”

“I live here now too jackass.” He looks over Cas’ shoulder and looks at Dean. “You could cover up anytime big boy.”

“He is big isn’t he?”

“Please stop. Gabe thanks for ruining what was definitely going to be a night of mind-blowing sex. Always a pleasure.” Dean hastily makes his way towards Cas’ bedroom.

“With an ass like that, the pleasure is all mine.”

_===_

“So uh...whatcha wearin?” Dean’s fourth period just got released for their lunch break. He has exactly 45 minutes to enjoy some over the phone fun. He probably should have eaten first but he can always sneak a few chips during his remaining class periods.

“Uhh….khakis?”

“Hardy-har-har Cas. I'm trying to be serious over here. You know, set the mood and what not.”

“Please don't tell me you're trying to have phone sex.”

“Oh don't tell me of all this shit we’ve tried that _this_ is where you draw the line.”

“No it's not, but you're at work-”

“All the more fun.”

“At a high school.”

“Your point?”

“That you need Jesus.”

“Nah, just horny. Plus, we really didn't get a chance to finish after your asshole of a brother interrupted us last night. I can’t even look him in the eye.”

“Why not? He complimented you. Plus I promise to make it up to you later tonight.”

“How ‘bout we start now? Gimmie a little something to tie me over through the rest of work.”

“Yeah, no. I will not be responsible for you having a stiffy in front of children.”

“They’re not children, their teenagers. Practically adults.” Dean whines to Cas.

I’m hanging up. I'll see you tonight.”

“No! Cas come on!” But it's too late, Cas already ended the call.

“Ya know,” Charlie says as she enters into Dean’s classroom, “If you’re going to try and initiate phone sex during school hours, you should probably make sure you lock your classroom door.” She finishes the last part of her sentence in a stage whisper.

“Yeah well it didn’t really matter anyways now did it?”

“Ew. Don’t be all grumpy towards me just because the boyfriend doesn’t wanna talk you through an imaginary blow job.”

Dean throws the closest thing he can get his hands, which happens to be a dry-erase marker, towards her direction. Needless to say she dodges it with ease.

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“You sure? You’ve been seeing each other for awhile now.”

“I like him. He’s a cool dude.” And as soon as he says it, he wishes he could take it back. He can see Charlie’s eyes light up at his small confession.

“Has Dean ‘perpetual playboy’ Winchester caught feelings for someone?”

Dean holds up his hand towards her. “Please stop. Dean Winchester hasn’t caught feelings for anyone”

“Mhmm.”

“I haven’t. We’re just hanging out and stuff. Like I said, he’s a cool dude.”

“Whatever. Come on, let's go grab some food from the cafeteria, it’s grilled cheese day! I’ll even treat you.”

“You’re just using me to get the ‘Dean Winchester Special’. Chicken tenders placed between three different types of cheese melted into the freshest  bread they have on deck and grilled to melty perfection.” Dean’s practically salivating as they walk down the hallway towards the rowdy cafeteria.

“You got a little drool right there.” She mimics wiping the corner of her mouth. “I still don’t understand how you got them to make you that.”

“I’ve got that ‘Dean Winchester Charm’.”

“Plus it doesn't hurt that you shamelessly flirt with all of the lunch ladies, and slept with at least three of them.” Gabe falls into stride with the other two as they pass by him.

Dean tells Gabe to shut it, while at the same time Charlie says, “Gasp! But what will the ‘not-boyfriend’ think?

“Yeah, what will he think? Especially considering you had him on his knees last night.”

“Would of had him on his back too, had you not walked in and interrupted us.”

“Oh that’s rich. I unfortunately actually had to hear those noises my baby brother was pulling from you big boy, we both know you would have been the one on your back that night.”

“Why do you always have to make things weird?” Charlie asks.

“It’s in my nature Red.”

_===_

Dean flirted his way into getting three specially ordered grilled cheese sandwiches made for him, Charlie, and Gabe from one of the lunch ladies. They all have a seat at the nearest available table outside, far enough away from other teachers and students not to be disturbed.  Between bites of her sandwich Charlie praises Deans flirting skills.

“I don’t how you do it, but please don’t stop. This sandwich is amazing!”

“I’ll make sure to keep them happy.” Dean winks.

“Put it away bro, you’re spoken for remember?” Gabe glares in Dean’s direction.

Before Dean has a chance to delicately correct Gabe, Charlie jumps in first.

“Nope, they’re just ‘hanging out’.” She sips on her juice box oblivious to the fact that what she said would set off big red flags to any older brother.

“Uhh...wanna run that buy me again hot stuff?”

“Dean said that Cas is a ‘cool dude’ and that he likes him but they aren't boyfriends.” She absently contributes.

“Thank you for that Charles.”  She finally looks up to see the death glare Dean’s receiving from Gabe.

“Oh man I think I hear my students calling me. What was that little Timmy? I’ll be right there!” Charlie jumps from the table and makes her hasty escape.

“Man, I thought I taught her better than that. That wasn’t the least bit creative.”

Dean nervously chuckles. He’s never personally experienced Gabriel to be anything but his happy go lucky self but he’s heard stories from Cas. And he knows how scary big brothers can be, he is one.

“So….”

“Look Winchester, you’re one of my closest friends. But Cas is my baby brother, I will not hesitate to do anything for that kid. Do not let the anything occur.”

Dean swallows hard before answering, “Got it.”

“Good. Now tell me what other kinda ‘Winchester Specials’ the lunch ladies make you?”

The way Gabe’s face has the ability to morph from menacing to carefree effortlessly will forever amaze Dean.

_===_

Forty-five minutes after his last class was dismissed, Dean sits in his classroom waiting for his brother to arrive. Dean has an eye exam with some specialist who comes _highly recommended._ Dean’s trying not to get his hopes up. Appointment like these never turn out well, they just add to the long line of disappointment. But that small sliver of hope is all he needs to continue to make appointments with _specialist._ That, and the nagging Dean receives from his family. It can be a little much at times but Dean knows it’s just because they care and want the best for him. So even when he feels like giving up, he doesn’t, for them.

Dean’s doing a little research on his own, looking up different potential options to discuss during his appointment when Lisa Braden stops by. “Knock-knock. Gotta say, I thought you’d be gone by now. Didn’t see your car out there.”

“You stalking my baby?”

“Amongst other things,” Lisa flirts.

“I’ll have to put her on notice. But I gotta let you know, she’s spoken for.”

“And the owner?” Lisa ask while taking a seat on the edge of Dean’s desk.

Dean knows he shouldn’t flirt back, him and Cas have...something. At least he thinks they do. He hopes they do. But everything is getting too real. Gabe feels as though he has to defend his brother’s honor. Charlie thinks they’re something they’re not. When feelings get involved things get messy. People get hurt, and Dean couldn’t imagine hurting Cas. He should think about pulling back. Get himself in check. And plus, who’s a little innocent flirting, going to hurt? “Depends on the day,” Dean winks.

Lisa leans in a little too close, “Does that day include the upcoming spring dance?”

“There’s a spring dance?”

“Yes, we had one for the past five years.”

“Wow, totally didn’t know that.”

“Yeah,” she giggles, “So, wanna go?”

“As in a date?”

“Unless you think baby will get jealous”

“Oh, I’m sure someone will get jealous.” Both Lisa and Dean turn to see Sam standing in the doorway, arms crossed, eyebrows raised.

Thank God for little brothers and their impeccable timing. “Heya Sammy. Ready to go?”

“Yeah, unless you want to finish your conversation first,” He turns towards Lisa, “Weren’t you asking him something?”

Dean takes it back, little brothers are the worst. Before Lisa answers Dean cuts in, “I’m sure Lisa doesn’t want to make me late for my appointment.” Dean hopes she catches the hint.

“Thanks Sam but I already asked your brother, just waiting on an answer.” They both turn to stare at him expectantly.

“Sorry Lis, but I don’t dance.”

“Seemed to dance just fine at your Halloween party,” she says as she slides off his desk and makes her way towards the door. “Guess I just don’t have the right...equipment. Always nice to see you Sam.”

“You too Lisa”

“You’re a fucking asshole, you know that?”

“Yeah, yeah. Hurry up, like you said, ‘don’t wanna be late’.”

_===_

“You know you could have just told her that you’re in a relationship,” Sam tells Dean while they’re waiting to be called in to see the specialist.

“When I get in one, I’ll be sure to relay her the message.” Dean just got done being ex-rayed, probed at, dilated, and questioned. He’s nervous and not in the mood to discuss his and Cas’ relationship with his brother.

“What do you mean ‘when you get in one’? You are in one. With Cas.”

“Except that I’m not.”

“Dean, he’s amazing! I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so happy. What the hell is the problem?”

“The problem is that I’m a guy with one fucking eye and a lot of fucking baggage and he’d be settling. I’m done talking about this.” Dean sinks down into his seat.  

“Dean-”

“Can it Sammy!”

“No! Don’t be an idiot, Dean. Don’t let him-”

“Mr. Winchester, the Doctor will see you now.”

Dean and Sam get up to follow the nurse into the Doctor's office. Upon entering the room Dean notices all the degrees and certificates that decorate the office wall. He takes a deep breath before taking a seat.

Sam leans over and whispers, “I’m right here bro.”

Some time passes before the Doctor arrives. “Mr. Winchester. How are you today?”

Dean hates exchanging pleasantries, “Good. How bout yourself?”

“Good, thank you. Is this who’s going to be driving you home today?”

“Yeah, that’s my pet sasquatch Sam.”

“Shut up Dean. Hi I’m his younger brother.” Sam extends his hand out in greeting.

“Nice to meet you. Let’s get started shall we?”

_===_

“I know you don’t want to talk about it but just know that I support whatever decision you make. And that I think doing this seems promising.”

“Thanks Sam, but it’s also ridiculously expensive. I don’t have that kind of money.”

“Maybe we could have a fundraiser at The Roadhouse or something, I’m sure Ellen would be okay with that.”

“It’s not her responsibility and don’t go bringing it up to her Sam. I don’t want to burden her with this.”

“It’s not a burden. She’s gonna want to know how your appointment went.”

“And I’ll tell her when she ask.”

Sam looks at him knowing that his brother is full of it. Dean’s not going to the Ellen the truth, not the not entire truth at least. The last few miles of the car ride is filled with comfortable silence. The brothers are on their way to see Ellen and Bobby for dinner. Dean always comes over after his eye appointments, it brings him comfort.

When they arrive, Ellen and Bobby arguing with another person, the voice deep and familiar. The brothers share a concerned look between them and proceed towards the voices. The boys rush in when they hear glass breaking.

Standing there in the living room is Ellen, Bobby, and John.

“What are you doing here Dad?” ask Dean.

“He was just leav’n,” Ellen answers.

“I ain’t doing nothing. My boys are here and I wanna talk to them.” John says.

“John, I think you should go.” Bobby says.

“Why? So you can try and act like their dad? Those are my boys!”

“At least he’s trying! Where the hell have you been?” Sam is all anger when he talks to John and it puts Dean on edge.

“Watch who you’re talking to boy!”

“I ain’t a boy. Bobby’s right you need to leave.”

John steps towards Sam and in an instant Dean steps in between them. “Look we’re all a little upset. Why don’t we settle down a bit.” Dean looks around at everyone to gauge their current state. Everyone seems to be on edge, ready for the argument to become physical at any given moment. Dean does his best to try and defuse the situation. “What brings you by Dad?”

“Who cares? He’s just probably here to ask for money or some shit.” Sam interrupts.

“Dammit Sam,” Dean says just as Bobby says “Boy ain’t wrong.”

“I ain’t gonna tell you again Samuel. You best be watching how you talk to me or-”

“Or what? You’re going to walk out on us again?” There’s rage in John’s eyes but is doesn’t stop Sam from continuing on, “How dare you come by here asking for money from anyone in this family. Your son can’t even afford to pay for surgery on his eye, which you fucked up, and you have the goddam audacity to ask for money? Get the  HELL OUT!”

What happened next is all a blur. John lunges for Sam while Sam braces for impact. But before either can make contact Dean pushes his brother out of harm's way and Bobby takes a hold of their father.

The room is filled with the heavy breathing of four men until the cocking of Ellen’s shotgun pulls their attention.

“Get the hell out of my house John.” They stare at each other for a few minutes before John shrugs out of Bobby’s hold and grabs his coat to leave.

He turns to speak to Sam and Dean before he walks out the door. “I don’t know why you’re even wasting your time trying to fix that damn eye of yours. It ain’t worth the trouble. And had you been paying attention to what I been asking of you, it woulda never happened.” Sam tries to makes a move towards his father but Dean stops him. “And Samuel. That be the last time you talk to me like that. I’m your father, show me some damn respect.” The door slams shut behind him.

“You boys okay?” Ellen ask as she goes to lock the door.

“Fine. He say why he needed the money?” Sam ask the room.

“Who cares? He ain't gettin nothin.” Bobby, Sam, and Ellen continue discussing John while Dean makes his way to the kitchen for a beer. It’s been a long time since things got this bad between John and Sam. They usually just avoid one another trying to stay on opposites sides of the city, or at the very least, the room.

Ever since Dean can remember, it didn’t take much for those two to be at each other’s throats. They never seen eye-to-eye and butted heads on almost everything. And as Sam got older, things only got worse, causing Dean to step in a lot more.

Dean’s always wanted to keep the peace in his family. It’s only the three of them left and he wants to keep them together as much as he can.

“You okay, son?” Ellen sits down with her own beer.

“I’m alright.” He lies and he knows Ellen can see right through it.  They sit in silence for a while, both nursing their second beer.

“We can find a way to get the money you know? That ain’t nothin you got to worry about.”

“You shouldn’t have to. Probably just a waste of time and money anyways, there’s no guarantee it’s going to work.”

“That’s never stopped you before.”

“Well maybe I’m tried of getting my damn hopes up.” He tosses back the remainder of his beer and gets up to grab another. “Like dad said, ‘It ain’t worth the trouble.’”

“You can’t seriously believe that, Dean. Dad’s nothing but a fucking drunk, he-”

“He’s right! I wouldn't be going through any of this shit if I had only listened to him in the first place.”

“Dean that ridiculous, you weren’t-”

“I made my choice.” Dean gets up to leave the room; before he does he grabs a bottle of something stronger than a beer.

Sam gets up to follow him but is stopped by Bobby who enters, “Give him some time.”

_===_

Sam goes upstairs to go check on his brother; it’s been a little over an hour and Dean hasn’t made his way back downstairs yet. He peeks in the room and gets a glimpse of his brother lying on his side cuddled up around a bottle of Jameson. “Dean-”

“Go away Sam. I don’t want to talk.” His words are slightly slurred.

“But Dean-”

“I said go away Sam! Just leave me alone.” He turns to face his brother, eyes red from alcohol and what appears to be unshed tears.

Sam doesn’t want to make things worse so he makes his way back downstairs.

“How is he?” Bobby ask when Sam sits back down on the couch.

“Haven’t seen him like that in a while. I hate seeing him like that. Maybe I should just take him home.

“Nah, just let him sleep it off here. He’ll be alright.”

“You didn’t see him Bobby, he looked so defeated. I don’t know what to do.”

“He needs someone to talk to but boy’s just as stubborn as his daddy.” Ellen snarks.  

“Ellen! You’re a genius! I’ll call Cas! That’ll help cheer him up.”

“Who’s Cas? And do you really think you should be calling anyone one over without asking him first? Could piss him off even more.”

“Nah, Cas is like the Dean whisperer. You’ll see.”

It isn’t long before there’s a knock at the door.

“Hey Cas, come on in,” Sam takes his coat and hangs it next to the door, “sorry about calling you so late.”

“It’s okay Sam. Where’s Dean?”

“He’s right this way.” Sam leads Cas to Dean, taking a moment to introduce Cas to Ellen and Bobby.

“Dean I-”

“Goddammit Sam,” Dean sits up to scold his brother. “Cas?’

“Hello Dean.”

“What are you doing here? I didn’t drunk call you did I?” Dean looks around for his phone.

“No, your brother called me. Said you could use some company?”

Dean glances in Sam’s direction, “Uh, yeah. Some company would be nice.”

Sam leaves the room, just leaving Cas and Dean to talk amongst themselves.

“You wanna talk about it?” Cas asks.

“Not really, no.”

“Okay, I brought over that book I was reading to you the other day. Want to pick up where we left off?”

“Yeah Cas, that be great.”

Cas and Dean lay back against the headboard of the bed and make themselves comfortable. Dean’s head is pillowed on Cas’ chest as Cas begins to read.

Two chapters and an hour later they’re both asleep.


	14. Mistakes Were Made

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I'm going to try my best to upload more frequently! <3

Cas curls himself tighter around Dean, pulling the other man even closer to him. Dean begins to stir while Cas peppers kisses down the back of his neck and across his broad shoulders. Cas breaths in the mint scented shampoo Dean favors, as he whispers “Breakfast?”    
  
Dean shakes his head no while pressing back further into Cas’ space, pulling the blankets closer. Without fully waking, he murmurs “Five more minutes.”   
  
Cas smiles against Dean’s skin, wordlessly agreeing. He held Dean all night, protecting him while he slept, chasing away his nightmares and trying to keep the pain away for as long as possible. He settles in even closer to Dean and patiently waits for the other man to wake up so that they can begin their day. Waiting another five more minutes? That’s not even a question, of course Cas will.

_===_

It’s about forty-five minutes later when Cas and Dean finally make it out of Ellen’s spare room and into the kitchen for breakfast. Cas stayed up while Dean got a little more rest, picking up the book from and continuing to read from where he left off. He read until Dean woke up again, this time on his own. When he realized that Cas read ahead, he playfully demanded that Cas go back and read from where Dean left off. They read until the next chapter, the growling of their stomachs making it hard to concentrate on the story. They quickly got dressed, Dean pulled on some old holiday pajama pants with Daffy Duck on them while Cas pulled on a pair of green flannel pajama bottoms and a grey shirt Dean lent him. Thankfully Ellen keeps some spare clothes around for the brothers.    
  
As they made their way toward the kitchen, Cas tried to think of a way to bring up the reasons that brought him over last night. He’s never seen Dean look so hurt. He didn’t want to pressure him into talking but he was worried about him. He tried to bring up the subject again last night, but Dean had just distracted him with sex.   
  
Dean insisted on being the one to prepare breakfast and with them still being at Dean’s family’s houses, Cas let him take the lead. Cas couldn’t help but feel as though cooking would help settle something in Dean.   
  
Before Cas realizes, they are joined by the rest of Dean’s family. Sam, their cousin Jo and their Uncle Bobby are sitting at the table with Cas, while their Aunt Ellen is over at the stove helping Dean.   
  
The way they move around each other is effortless and comfortable. Cas wonders if him and Dean will ever get to that level of comfort.   
  
“Aww look at him. All moony-eyed over Patchy the Pirate over there.” Jo says to no one in particular.    
Cas can feel his cheeks redden as everyone in the room glances in his direction, everyone but Dean. He’s too busy focusing on what is cooking in the skillet in front of him. “Look he’s blushing!” Jo helpfully points out.   
  
“Shut up and leave him alone Jo,” Dean says.   
  
“Aww isn’t that cute. Dean’s standing up for his little boyfriend.” Everyone breaks out a in light laughter while Cas glances quickly in Dean’s direction to gage the other man’s reaction. It’s definitely not what he wanted to see. Even from behind, Dean looks tense and uncomfortable. Cas doesn't seem to be the only one who notices because Ellen takes one look and places a calming hand on his shoulder while calling Jo over to help.   
  
“Joanna Beth, come over here and make yourself useful.”   
  
The room settles down while Jo helps her mom and Dean prepare the rest of the meal while Sam and Cas are on their phones and Bobby reads the morning paper. Bobby clears his throat while setting his folding over his paper and settling it on the table. “So Castiel, what are your intentions with my boy?”  
  
Castiel did not anticipate this question coming up and further more, he has absolutely no clue how to answer it. Well that’s not actually entirely true, he wants to tell Bobby that when he’s up late, after Dean has already dozed off, that he can imagine their entire future together. From their first I love you’s to their last.  
  
But he doesn’t say that, he doesn’t get a chance to say anything before Dean responds.   
  
“To make sure I scream myself hoarse every chance given,” he raises his eyebrows in Bobby’s direction to further drive home the crude remark before turning back around to focus on finish cooking what’s on the stove.   
  
Cas can feel his cheeks turning red.   
  
“That was an over share boy,” Bobby gruffs.   
  
“Don’t act like you haven’t heard worse, old man.” Dean responds.  
  
“Ha! I always knew you would be the bottom in the relationship.” Jo yells in Dean's direction.  
  
“Two things Joanna Beth,” Dean holds up his index finger as he begins, “one, we ain’t in no relationship. Two,” Dean adds an additional finger, “what makes you think we both ain’t do the bottoming, hmm? Please don’t limit our fun.” He finishes off with a wink and a smirk.   
  
Thankfully no one has thought to look at Cas to gage his reaction, well no one except for Sam. From the corner of his eye, Cas can see Sam looking at him with what seems to be pity. Like he can read his inner thoughts. _The poor fool went and fell for my playboy of a brother._ __  
  
Cas avoids looking at Sam directly, at any of them directly. He knows it was foolish to catch feelings for Dean, and trust him, he’s tried his best not to. But look at him, his charming personality, those lips, those eyes, and not to mention he’s one helluva lay, Cas was doomed from the start.  
  
But now, after feeling completely humiliated and made a fool of in front of Dean’s family, all Cas has left is his pride, and he’ll make sure to protect that with all he has.   
  
Cas leans in towards Jo and stage whispers, “Just so you know, although we do switch, we don’t do so very often.” Cas finishes with a wink and smirk of his own. 

_===_

The car ride to Dean’s is uncomfortable to say the least. The space between them is filled with silence, both seemingly lost in thought. Cas is still trying to process what was said at breakfast earlier. He isn’t sure if he wants to bring it up to Dean or not. It’d probably be a waste of time, wouldn’t change anything. Wouldn’t change the way Dean feels about Cas. Wouldn’t change the fact that he only still sees him as a good fuck. After all this time, Dean  _ still _ doesn’t see Cas as anything more than convenience.    
  
He notices how tightly he’s gripping his steering wheel when Dean’s voice cuts through the silence.    
  
“Hey, you okay man?”   
  
“Hmm? Oh yeah, I’m fine.”   
  
“You sure? You’ve been kind of off this morning.”   
  
“I’m fine, Dean.”   
  
“You sure? Because I know-”   
  
“Dean,” Cas interrupts, “I said I’m fine.”   
  
“Okay, just checking. Still down to head over to my place?” Cas hates the uncertainty he hears in Dean’s voice. He’s has such a shitty last 24 hours and Cas has been too caught up in his feelings to take note of that. Above all they’re friends, or at least Cas is Dean’s friend. Maybe.    
  
“Of course Dean.”    
  
Now that Cas could feel an inevitable expiration date looming over them, Cas is simultaneously trying to put some distance between him and Dean while also trying to absorb every available moment Dean will offer. It’s why when Dean suggested Cas come spend the rest of the day back at his place, for the first time Cas hesitated. Usually he wouldn’t have to think twice about spending time with Dean. It’s become part of their routine. If they both happened to be available at the same time, they’d usually be spending that free time together. Whether it was simply lounging around watching movies, running errands, or fucking on every available surface, they would be doing so together. He’s not sure how proceed with Dean anymore. He doesn’t want anything to change but they have to. He’s already in too deep. Hell, he’s slept over his family's house. Spent time with everyone Dean holds close to his heart.   
  
Before leaving Ellen’s, they all made Cas promise that he would come back around to see them very soon. “You make sure to bring this one back around boy. I like this one.” Ellen had clapped Cas on the back, while Bobby yelled out his agreement from the kitchen.     
  
He felt bad making such an empty promise to them.   
  


_===_

  
The drive over to Dean’s doesn’t take too long, a little over twenty minutes. Twenty minutes of Cas in and out of his thoughts and Dean trying to initiate any type of conversation. Twenty minutes of Cas no closer to clarity.   
  
It did allow some time for Cas to regain a bit of his composure. By the time they reach Dean’s place he doesn’t feel as confused and on edge as he did at breakfast. He feels like he has a better handle on his emotions and even maybe a solution.  
  
He’s realized that blaming Dean for his own mistake of allowing emotions to get involved is unfair. It’s Cas’ fault for thinking this thing between them had grown into something more.  
  
When things first started the other man told Cas that he didn’t do repeat performances. And at the time, Cas had taken that stupid rule as a personal challenge. He wanted to get him to break his own ridiculous rule, wanted to break him. And he had thought he did. Not only were they repeatedly fucking, they were repeatedly only fucking each other. At least that's what Cas assumed because that's what Cas himself was doing. He was only fucking Dean. Between his increasing caseloads at work and Dean, he doesn’t have time or the energy to fuck anyone else, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that Dean wasn’t fucking anyone else.  
  
Either way, Cas is the one who ended up losing. He wasn’t supposed to let feelings get involved. Wasn’t supposed to let his heart get involved but somewhere between the nights and mornings spent together he fell for Dean, and he fell hard. And unfortunately Dean doesn’t feel the same way. And that’s okay. He isn’t required to return Cas’ feelings.   
  
But he didn’t have to humiliate Cas in front of his family. Cas has never felt more foolish. He got in his car, drove over to Dean’s extended family’s house late in the evening all because Dean’s brother called and said that Dean needed him. He didn’t hesitate and knowing what he knows now he probably should have. He doesn’t regret coming over but how ridiculous does he look running to Dean’s rescue only to have the other man reject him in front of his family the following morning. And if that wasn't enough, he still left with him later.   
  
He’s a fucking idiot.  
  
By the time he pulls his car into the parking spot at Dean’s place, Cas is on edge again. He tells Dean that he needs to make a quick phone call and that he’ll be inside shortly.  
  
He isn’t sure who he wants to call. If he calls his brother he’ll only get a lecture of how stupid he was for letting this happen. Gabe will instantly go into protective big brother mode and tell him to stop all communication with Dean. If he calls Balth, well he’ll get the same lecture just with more sophisticated words and an accent. He’ll also advise him to fuck the next willing participant, which at the moment happens to be Dean. And actually, that isn’t too bad of an idea. Why shouldn’t he at least get one good fucking in before he makes his decision. It’s what they’ve been doing right? Just fucking eachother. Maybe he’ll be able to think clearer or at the very least, get a good fuck out of it.   
He decides to text them both instead, asking them if they would like to go out for drinks later.  
  
_===_  
  
They didn’t fuck. Dean didn’t want to.   
  
They didn’t talk. Cas didn’t want to.  
  
Cas leaves a little over ten minutes later under the guise of needing to help Gabe with a something. He probably should have come up with a better excuse, or at least used Balthazar instead of Gabe. Dean knows Gabe and can fact check but if he’s being honestly he really doesn’t care at the moment.  
  
He should have talked to Dean. He knows that, but he isn’t ready to talk. He isn’t ready for things to end, but he also isn’t ready to fight for them either.  
  
He feels as though Dean lead him on. Calling him when he needed someone to talk to, when wanted company, to tell him something trivial. Inviting him over ‘because he wasn’t in the mood to wake up alone.’  
  
It’s really no surprise that Cas fell so damn hard for him. He was falling while Dean only thought of him as convenient. A warm willing body.  
  
Cas is surprised that he didn’t get pulled over on his way home. He arrived in record time, navigating the entire way on auto-pilot and well over the allotted speed limit.   
  
He’s completely drained after his shower. He checks his phone for any responses from Balth or Gabe, they both agree and said they’ll be over later in the evening.   
  
Cas has some time to kill so he grabs his laptop and works on a few cases he has.   
  
_===_  
  
Sam and Cas have made a lot of progress with the Harrison brothers. He’s really noticed a growth in Aiden and Ashton. They aren’t the same little boys he first met and he couldn’t be happier. They still have some ways to go but he knows at the end of all of this it will definitely be for the better. Cases like this remind him why he got into this line of work. His heart is beyond full.  
  
Cas’ phone goes off sometime later, a ridiculous picture of Gabe popping up on the screen.   
“Aye, little bro-bro, what’s shakin’?”  
  
“Nothing, just finishing up some work.” Cas shuffles some papers back into his bag.  
  
“Boring! No wonder you want to go out tonight. You bringing the boytoy with you? I haven’t partied with that schmuck in for-ev-ver.” Gabe finishes off the last part of his sentences in his most sassiest accent.   
  
“Uh,” Cas isn’t sure if he should tell Gabriel what’s going on or not. He knows that his brother will chose his side without hesitation but Dean’s not only his friend but also his co-worker. And Cas doesn’t believe that there is even sides to choose. Cas and Dean were never in an actual relationship, so there’s absolutely no reason to bring Gabe into anything. Especially if Cas isn’t sure what he wants to do about the situation himself. “Dean can’t make it.”  
  
“Boo! That whore! Oh well, guess it’s just us cool girls tonight.” Cas is relieved that Gabe doesn’t push for further information. “So where exactly are we going? What time shall I grace you with my presence?”  
  
“I don’t know and what do you mean what time shall you grace me with your presence? You live here, unfortunately you’re _always_ ‘gracing me with your presence.’”  
  
“Oh you know you love having me! Maybe Mr. Fancy Pants will have an idea of where to go.”  
  
“Yeah, I’m sure he will.”  
  
_===_  
  
Gabriel’s music filters through the apartment where they’re all getting ready for the evening. Balth came over about an hour ago with a bottle of scotch, already dressed for the night.   
  
“I thought the point was to get ready together, Zar?” Gabe asked as he opened the front door.   
  
“Isn’t it you that has repeatedly said ‘if you stay ready you don’t have to get ready’?” Balthazar makes his way into the kitchen to pour them all a glass of amber liquid.   
  
“Oh so now you listen to me?”  
  
“Not necessarily. I wanted to give you a real-life example of what you should attempt to look like tonight. Plus while you two are getting ready I’ll be getting drunk.”  
  
“So kind of you.” Gabe says has he holds out his hand for one of the three glasses filled with the amber liquid.  
  
Cas is in his room, freshly showered and trying to decide what to wear when Balth enters with glass of scotch. He hands one to Cas as he takes a seat at the edge of Cas’ bed.   
  
“Hello, Cassie.”  
  
“Hello. How are you this evening?”  
  
“Good and yourself?”  
  
Cas knows Balthazar is digging for information, but he decides to play along.  
  
“Good. I’d be better if I could find something to wear for tonight.” Cas steps back to get a better look at his closet.   
  
“Just make sure whatever you choose, it looks like we actually hang out in the same crowd. We’re going somewhere upscale tonight.”  
  
“I wouldn’t of think you’d pick anything less,” Cas says as he turns around to look at the way his friend was dressed. He wore slim-fitting black dress pants, paired together with a black button-down  with matching black buttons and opened about a quarter of the way down. A sleek black jacket pulled the entire ensemble together. His friend looked good and from the cocky smirk on his face he knew it.  
  
Cas rolled his eyes at his friend as he turned back around to face his closet again. As he selected a few different options Balth asked, “So why this sudden need to go out tonight?”  
  
“What do you mean ‘sudden’? We always go out.”  
  
“Not as of late. As of late, you’ve been with that little boytoy of yours. I’ve barely seen you since you two have shacked up.”  
  
“We haven’t ‘shacked up’.”  
  
“Okay then, how’s dating? In a relationship? Going steady?” Balth says in a mocking tone.   
  
“We’re not doing any of those things either.” Cas tries to keep the bitterness out of his tone but from the look in his friend's eyes, he can tell the he’s failed miserably.  
  
“Do I detect trouble in paradise?”   
  
“I just want to go out Balthazar. There’s no need to over-analyze anything.”  
  
“I’m not ‘over-analyzing’ anything, Castiel. Just waiting for you to tell me the truth.”    
  
Balthazar is too good of a friend sometimes. Not in the mood to prolong this weird little stand-off, he caves and tells his friend everything, starting with the phone call he received from Sam.   
  
“And please don’t tell my brother anything. Him and Dean are friends and I don’t want to involve him just because I was stupid enough to fall in love with the asshole.”   
  
Instantly Cas realizes what he said and he turns towards Balthazar to see if he heard the slip as well.   
He did. Of course he did.   
  
“Oh Cassie. Stupid, stupid Cassie.” Before Cas has a chance to react, Balth is off the bed and striding towards him. He wraps him up in a tight hug then presses Cas’ untouched scotch into his hand. “Drink up, love. I’ll go grab us some more.”  
  
Not wanting to actually think about his accidental confession, Cas does what he’s told.   
Cas is completely extraordinarily intoxicated by the time the uber arrives. Balthazar made sure of it and thankfully he also made sure to dress Castiel as well.   
  
Out of the potential outfits, Castiel had previously laid out, Balthazar chose a pair of charcoal grey slacks with navy horizontal and vertical stripes with a navy button-down, the sleeves rolled up a quarter of the way.  And thanks to Gabriel, the outfit was tied together with one of his brothers douchey fedoras.   
  
Balthazar didn’t disappoint. The club he took them to could be described more as a lounge. The bar was the backdrop as well as the main focus of the room. The walls were a dark mahogany, with large decorative mirrors adorning them.The seats were a dark rich brown accented by thick white stitching. The entire place lit up by lavish chandeliers strategically placed throughout the room.   
Everyone inside was dressed beautifully, all looking like they walked out of fashion magazines. The boys took a seat as close to the bar as possible.  
  
It didn’t take long before each of them were entertained by a stranger, or surprisingly in Gabriel's case, strangers. Gabriel was over at the bar talking intimately with two blonde women. To Cas’ left Balth was listening to some brunette whisper into his ear while Cas also talked with a tall brunette with green eyes. His voice was deep as talked to Cas about things he definitely wouldn’t remember in the morning.   
  
Cas and the brunette chat for a while but eventually Cas grows tired. The guy was kind of a bore and his eyes were the wrong shade of green. He makes his way through a few different people that night, all leaving him feeling underwhelmed one way or another.   
  
He’s nursing what was supposed to be his last drink when he receives a text from Dean.   
  
**Dean: Hey Cas. I just, idk i wanna say sorry?? I feel like I did something to piss you off or something and I just wanted to say sorry. WIsh you were here.** **  
****  
** You can’t say sorry when you don’t know what you’re saying sorry for. One of Cas’ ex-boyfriend’s used to do that to him and it always made the situation worse. It just feels like the other person doesn’t care about your feelings enough to actually figure out what’s wrong or take responsibility for their negative actions towards you. It’s always just a means to an end. And in this case, Dean is just saying it to get Cas to come over. Cas isn’t falling for it, not this time.   
  
**Cas: Can’t really say sorry if you don’t know what you're sorry for Dean but thanks.** **  
****  
****Dean: Well then why don’t you tell me what I need to be sorry for Cas?** **  
****  
****Cas: Doesn’t matter. It is what it is.** **  
****  
****Dean: Whatever Cas. Have a goodnight.** **  
****  
****Cas: Thanks. I am.** **  
****  
** After that Cas shuts off his cell phone and heads straight towards the bar. He orders two double shots of tequila and a beer. He takes the shots one right after the other, takes the beer and looks around for some new entertainment.   
  
**Dean: Hey give me a call when you can. Please.** **  
****  
****Dean: I don’t want us to end over a misunderstanding.** **  
****  
****Dean: Be safe and have a goodnight Cas.** **  
****  
** _===_  
  
As soon as they walk through the door they’re on each other. Pushing one another against every available surface. Against the nearest wall kissing, grinding, grabbing one another, pulling at each others clothes.  
  
It’s fast and dirty and everything Cas needs right now.  
  
On the way to his kitchen to grab some water he grabs his phone and turns it on. He want’s to see if Balthazar made it home okay. As he’s waiting for his phone to turn on he drinks one bottle of water in one go. He grabs two other bottles to bring back into his bedroom when his phone alerts him to a call. He looks down to check the name, expecting to see Balth’s. Instead he sees Dean’s name and picture lighting up the screen.   



	15. Asphalts and Heartaches

Dean’s got that feeling again, that pain deep in his chest. That pain that makes him question his entire existence. If continuing to live is really worth it. It's going on eleven o'clock, and he's sitting in his kitchen, wondering what he could use that will help to permanently take the pain away, or at least dull it.

He’s several glasses of whiskey in but they don’t seem to be working.

The pain is still there.

We tell ourselves that one day we'll meet them in heaven, not knowing if heaven actually exist. Or if it’s just something we tell ourselves to make everything hurt a little less. To give ourselves some false sense of peace. A potential fictional place we’re told to look forward to once it’s all is said and done. And isn't that something?  Looking forward to death. Hoping that all the pain you went through here on this earth brings you peace on the other side.

Earlier that day while Dean was at graduation practice he overheard a student saying that he wished his mom was here to see him walk across the stage. Dean remembers wishing for the same thing at his high school graduation and everyone one he’s been to after that. He remembers how he felt when he graduated, how he prayed that if heaven were true that his mom would be able to see him walk across that stage. That she'd be screaming the loudest from wherever she was. He had looked up into the bleachers seeing Sam and his drunk of a father cheering for him, and he imagined that his mom was sitting on the other side of Sam, screaming just as loud.

He's hovering over Cas’ name on his phone for the millionth time, daring himself to actually man up and dial the number. He needs someone to talk to, and he wants that someone to be Cas. Just his presence helps to ease the pain. But Cas hasn't spoken to him in weeks. Hasn't returned any of Dean's phone calls or texts. For weeks Dean racked his brain trying to figure out if he did anything to wrong the other man, but he couldn't come up with anything. But he figures he didn't really need to, he's used to this. People usually get their fill of him and then move on. He knows he's a lot to handle, a lot to love, and apparently Cas thought that too. It sucks because for some reason he thought Cas didn't fall into that category, but I guess it just took Cas a little longer to reach his.

He’s only good for one thing.

Dean finally decides to get up and get ready for bed. He knows he isn't going to actually act on any of his urges, so he might as well sleep. Plus, he couldn't do that to Sammy, couldn’t leave his brother to mourn the loss of another family member.

He makes his way to his room, turning off all the lights on the way, bathing the room in complete darkness, except for the soft glow of the television.

_===_

The next morning things are shit and he's completely hungover but he’s awake and that in and of itself is enough to celebrate. He's sitting in his car waiting until the very last minute to go into his classroom. Taking these last few moments to gather all the strength he needs to get him through the day. They’re on finals schedule so he's got the kids a little longer than usual. It's a fucking drag but those are the rules.

He tries to make it through the halls as fast as possible, he isn’t in the mood to talk to anyone, he just wants to get into his classroom and get through his day. He’s just about to reach his classroom when he hears the click-clack of heels and a familiar voice.

“Whoa Dean, you look like shit.”

“Thanks Red. Always the little charmer.”

“I just calls them as I sees them”, there’s a smugness in her voice that Dean could definitely do without this morning. “But really, what’s up with you?”

“Just hungover.”

“Clearly. Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really, no.”

“You sure?”

“The only thing I wanna talk about is those goofy looking baby heels you’ve got on your feet.” Both Charlie and Dean glance down at her shoes.

“What?! They’re my BB8 heels and they’re fucking awesome you dweeb!”

“They’re white. So unless you’re trying to be a nun or a nurse, even I know that’s a fashion no-no.”

“And dressing in flannel every day of my life is better?”

“Hey, I’m not in flannel right now!,” Dean makes a gesture towards his current choice of clothing. “So suck it Dweeb!”

“Whatever loser,” Thankfully Dean is saved by the bell before Charlie starts in on whatever emotional, touchy-feely rant she was about to go on. “Have a good day Dean. You know where to find me, if you need to.” She flashes Dean the Vulcan symbol before she turns around and heads towards her own classroom.

The rest of Dean’s day goes pretty well. He got through his scheduled classes okay and even avoided having to be social during his lunch break. But that’s only because he hid in his classroom and locked the door. He’s no amature, he’s been friends with Charlie long enough to know her tactics.

It wasn’t until later that evening when he was finishing up his shift at The Roadhouse, that he got cornered.

“Dean-o! How’s it hanging?”

It’s Gabe, in an obnoxiously loud printed shirt, and Charlie still in her baby heels. Dean hasn’t really talked to Gabe ever since Cas started ignoring him. He can’t figure out if he’s actively avoiding Gabe or if Gabe was the one avoiding him.  Whichever one it is, it doesn’t really matter now, he’s here now, in front of him.

“To the left.” They both share a quick laugh before Charlie pipes in.

“So our friend Dean here,” she’s talking to Gabe as if Dean isn’t even around, “he’s having a shit day so we gotta cheer him up!”

“Aww my brother holding out on you? Not giving you the goods?”

“Wouldn’t know, he hasn’t spoken to me in a while.” Dean studies Gabe reaction, he looks surprised.

“What happened? Last I talked to the guy, I couldn’t get him to shut up about you.”

“Yeah well I guess he finally shut up.”

“What did you do?”

“What did _I_ do? Fuck you! Your brother was the one who stopped talking to me! He came over and met Ellen and Bobby and then the next day, complete silence. So if you want to blame someone blame him, asshole!” Dean walks away before Gabriel has a chance to reply. He isn’t in the mood to hear any bullshit excuse he might come up with for Cas.

_===_

“So...I haven’t seen Cas around here lately…” Sam’s fishing, Dean knows Sam’s fishing. Dean also knows he can give Sam some halfass bullshit excuse and he’d drop it but he’s not sure if he wants to. He hasn’t talked to anyone about what happened between him and Cas, mostly because he still doesn’t actually know what happened. But he’s getting tired of keeping it to himself, he kind of wants some advice on how to handle this, and for being his baby brother, Sam gives some of the best advice.

“Neither have I.” Dean grabs some simple ingredients to make lunch with because talking about his feelings has always been easier when he’s distracted doing something else, and cooking has always been his best distraction/coping mechanism.

“Oh boy, you’re cooking. What happened between you two?”

“You’d have to ask him. Haven’t really talked to him since we were at Ellen’s.”

“Dean that was almost a month ago. I thought you guys were supposed to hang out after?”

“I know how long it’s been Sam. And yeah we were but he pretty much just dropped me off and left right after.” Dean grabs random veggies and starts chopping away at them.

“Did anything happen?”

“Not that I can think off. But who knows, maybe he just got overwhelmed. I know I’m a lot to handle, and it’s not always in the fun way.” Dean bounces his eyebrows up and down to Sam, trying to deflect the situation a bit.

“You know that’s bullshit right? You’re not overwhelming, and I don’t think Cas would just leave like that. There’s gotta be a reason.”

“Doubt it. Face it, he just wanted to fuck and I went and got a little too emotionally attached and on top of that mistake, I went and introduced him to my family. I’m not surprised he left, I’m just surprised that it took him this long.”

“Dean, I really think you're reading the situation wrong. Have you tried talking to him?”

“Yeah, I texted him later that night apologizing and he basically told me to shove it. And as if that wasn’t enough, I went and fucking called him like the chump I am and do you think he answered?! Do you think he returned my call? Nope. Nothing. So I gave up, I’m done.”

“Wow.”

“Yup.”

“I’m sor-” Dean holds his hand up stopping Sam mid-sentence.

“Please don’t. It is was it is.” Sam doesn’t look like he’s ready to drop it but thankfully he does. “I need to go for a drive, can you put this away? I’ll bring some food home on my way back, just text me what you want.”

“Okay, but let’s go out somewhere, there’s a couple new restaurants I want to try.”

“Alright, I’ll text you when I’m heading back.”

_===_

Dean isn’t really sure what happened between him and Cas. He remembers thinking everything was going well. His family loved meeting Cas and he had thought Cas loved meeting his family. He seemed as though he was fitting in so well. He couldn’t wait until he could bring him over again. Dean meant it when he told Ellen that he would bring Cas around again. Hell, when Ellen and Bobby had pulled him aside right after breakfast and basically given Dean their seal of approval he was on cloud nine. He didn't know that he needed their approval until he got it and after receiving it, something seemed to settle in his chest. A calm to the storm he didn't know he was suffering through.

It wasn’t until they were alone at Ellen’s that he noticed something was off with Cas. He waited until they were in Cas’ car to bring it up but when Cas brushed it off, Dean just assumed it was some personal shit he didn’t want to share. That maybe Cas was just having a bad day, Dean of all people could respect that. It wasn’t until they got to Dean’s placed that he knew something was really off. The air around them felt awkward and tense. It’s never felt like that between them, not even when they first met, at least for Dean it hasn’t.

Cas ended up leaving soon after with some bullshit excuse about his brother. Dean knew it was a lie but didn’t want to call him out on it, because hopefully he was wrong and Cas was dealing with something personal and his distant mood had absolutely nothing to do with Dean.

One could hope.  

He tried to distract himself, get his mind off of Cas, watch a few movies, grade a few assignments and catch up on a few shows. But the more he tried not to think about it, the more he did.  He felt like he missed something important, a sign, a clue that would help him figure out why things felt different. He racked his brain, replaying everything that happened earlier that morning and the night before, over-analyzing every word spoken between them. Every touch, every glance, everything, but Dean couldn’t come up with one single act that might of offended Cas. He decided that he was being ridiculous that he’ll just apologize to Cas for whatever the hell he might of done and everything will be back to normal. Dean knows he can be a little obtuse sometimes, well at least according to Sam, so he figured, hoped, this was a all a big misunderstanding and would soon be solved with a quick text.  

He was wrong, he somehow happened to make things worse and when he tried to call Cas later that night before bed, he didn’t answer.

Dean gets pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of someone honking, apparently the light has been green for a bit too long.

“Yeah, yeah keep your pants on.” Dean mutters as finally makes his way through the light. He had no destination in mind when he first got into his baby, but now that he’s looking around and more aware of his surroundings he notices he’s in this small little part of the city where him and Cas frequent.

It’s known for its nightlife but they like to visit it for all of the different types of restaurants they offer and the small little shops they have. They’ve also visited the farmers market a few times. Dean doesn’t know why he’s here, or why he’s pulling into a parking a spot. This place does nothing but remind him of Cas and yet he can’t find it in him to leave.

He walks around for a couple of hours, visits the different stores, buying a few things that catch his eye. He eventually texts Sam telling him to meet him out here for dinner, there's a steak place he knows his brother will enjoy.

_===_

The next few weeks pass in a blur. Dean isn’t as social as usual, but he’s a lot more tired than he usually is. He feels exhausted, like he can barely get through his day. Cas hasn’t talked to him and he hasn’t talked to Cas. Gabe has tried to reach out but as soon at the conversation goes in the direction of the other man's brother, Dean promptly ends it. By now his friends have pretty much given him a wide girth of space whenever he’s around. They still include him, inviting him to things, trying to engage him in conversation, but it’s not like it used to be. Charlie doesn’t try as hard to get him to talk. They aren’t offended when they get short, one word answers or sometimes no answer at all. It’s nice but mostly just kind of lonely.

Hell even Sam has noticed but unlike everyone else, Sam forces Dean to interact. Between him and Jessica, Dean doesn’t have a chance. They’ve also started wedding planning and they’re making sure that Dean is a part of every little discussion that they have. They’ve even dragged Dean to a few venues that they are looking at.

He’s so happy for them but it just reminds him of how lonely he actually is, and just how far away he is from finding that kind of love of his own.

Today Jess and Sam are trying to invite him to visit this ‘darling little vineyard’ but even with the promise of wine, Dean declines. He wants some time alone at home. He got roped into teaching summer school this year so he’s got classes he needs to prepare for.

He’s sitting in the living room taking a break, nursing a beer and watching some trash t.v. when his phone rings.

Is it pathetic that a small part of him still hopes that it’s Cas calling?

He looks at the caller ID and notices it’s Benny. Surprisingly Dean decides to answer.

“Hello.”

“Hey brother! Surprised you answered.”

“Yeah, me too. What’s up?”

“Nothing, just wanted to see what you were up to.”

Benny’s not the “just wanted to see what you were up to type’, hell he’s not even the talking on the phone type.

“Nothing, just here at home watching,” Dean grabs the remote and hits the info button to see what he’s watching, “this show called ‘Younger” it’s pretty good.”

“Perfect. Get your ass up and come open the door.”

“What? Why?”

Before Benny answers, Dean hears a knock at the door, “That’s why. Now open up and let me in, my hands are full.”

With an exasperated sigh Dean hangs up and goes to answer the door. And sure enough there’s Benny on the other side of the door, holding a 24-pack of beer in one hand and a bag of something that smells delicious in the other. Dean grabs the food and heads towards the kitchen, with Benny following closely behind.

Halfway through the meal Benny breaks the silence, he doesn’t dance around the subject either. He goes with the direct approach, and Dean honestly appreciates it. It’s that part of his personality that Dean really admires about him.

“So I don’t mean to be a dick-”

“Yeah you do, it’s like one of your favorite past times.”

“Fine then, I do mean to be a dick. Get the fuck over what happened between you and Cas and start acting like a decent friend again.”

“Wow, don’t sugarcoat it for me or anything.”

“Whatever I’m tired of your grumpy ass. You ain’t no fun to be around. Everyone walking on eggshells around you. Trying to watch what they say and shit.”

“I’m just tired, Benny. My mood has nothing to do with Castiel. I’ll get some rest this weekend, that should help with the _grumpiness_.”

“Brother, it ain't sleep that's got you acting like this. ”

“Then what is it, oh great one?” Dean says mockingly.

Benny rolls his eyes at Dean, “It’s _Castiel_ , so stop lying to yourself. You’re heartbroken.”

“What? How much have you had to drink? Dean Winchester doesn’t do _heartbreak_.” “Just a few. But think about it, you know I’m right.” When Dean just stares at him Benny continues with his theory. “Think about it Chief, it happens in waves. It steals your appetite and sleep. Leaves you feeling raw and exposed. Like you been cut open with the world's dirtiest most jagged knife and left open for display. Feels like there's shards of glass deep down in your belly. You feel empty, like you’re missing something.”

Dean knows what Benny is describing, knows it intimately.

Benny waits a moment before continuing, lets Dean mull over what he’s trying to say. When it looks like Dean still isn’t understanding what Benny is trying to hint at, he continues.

“You know that thing you're missing don’t you?”

Dean shakes his head no, but the look he has in his eye tells a different story. Benny knows Dean knows what he’s talking about, he just doesn’t want to admit it to himself.

“Love. You love him.”

Dean looks up shocked, eyes red rimmed, like he’s fighting back tears.

He opens and shuts his mouth a few times, trying to find the right words.

“I can’t.”

 


	16. In Case

Love.

There’s no way.

He can’t.

Can he?

No, they just met. Granted yes, they do spend all of their free time together but that doesn’t equate to love. It just means they enjoy each other's’ company is all.

It ain’t love.

Benny’s an idiot.

It’s nothing close to what his brother and Jess share. To what he remembers his mom and dad having. Hell, to what Benny and Andrea share. If love was that close, Dean would know.

He’d finally know why things always seemed to always feel a little less shitty with Cas around, even if he wasn’t physically by his side. Why he always felt so light and on top of the world, like he could conquer anything. Why it always felt like his heart was dancing around in his chest.

Dean’s up and pacing around the room. He feels overwhelmed, constricted, and terrified yet at the same time he feels complete, peaceful, and safe.

“It feels like we were just strangers,” he says out loud to his empty home, “and now, now I’m supposed to be in love with him?!”

“So you finally figured it out?” He spins around so fast he almost topples over onto the couch. Sam and Jess are standing in the doorway, holding what looks like enough food to feed a small army. Jess wearing a smirk on her face as if she’s a three year old with a brand new shiny toy she’s not willing to share.

“Finally figured what out?”

They both stare at him like they can’t figure out if he’s being his usual snarky self or just plain clueless. Apparently Jess settles on the latter.

“That you’re in love with Cas.” She says it so light and carefree. Like what she said isn’t the death sentence it actually is.

“I’m not. And when did you get in here?”

“If you weren’t so busy talking to yourself you would have heard us come in, jerk.”

“Shut up, bitch. How was the vineyard?”

“It was beautiful! It’s definitely in the running, but we still have a few more we’re looking at. But enough about that, continue with this epiphany Dean Winchester.” She sets the bags on the counter and makes her way into the living room to join Dean as he stews in his thoughts.

“There’s no epiphany, Jessica Moore, nobody’s in love with nobody.”

“Sure,” she sing-songs “is that why you’ve been moping around here like a heartbroken puppy?”

“I have not!”

“You’re pouting!” She laughs. “Look Sam! He’s pouting.” She doubles over in laughter, “And every one wonders where Sam got the puppy eyes from.”

“Whatever.”

“Leave him alone babe, can’t you tell he’s freaking out?”

“Okay, okay. But really Dean, when did you figure it out?”

“I didn’t figure anything out.”

“Dean, cut the crap. When did you realize you loved him? I know when I realized I loved Jess.” Sam turns and looks lovingly at his fiancé. The moment gets interrupted by Dean gagging.

“You guys are disgusting.”

“Well now you know what you and Cas looked like.”

“We _never_ looked at each other like that.”

“Yeah you did!” Sam and Jess both say in unison.

“Like literally all the time Dean! All the time. It was beyond adorable!”

Dean rolls his eyes, “Well doesn’t matter because he’s gone.”

“Still haven’t heard anything from him?”

“Nope. So even if I did love him, and I never said I did, it’d be a waste.” Dean gets up and moves to the kitchen, “Well I’ve had enough chick-flick moments today. Please tell me one of you is making dinner tonight and I’m invited.”

“You’re so dramatic, we’ve talked for all of five minutes.”

“You aren’t the only person I talk to Sasquatch, Benny came over earlier. He’s the one that brought up the cockamamie idea of love in the first place.”

“Oh yeah? And what you say? You deny it?”

“I said ‘I can’t’”

Sam and Jess share a look of concern. Jess is the next one to speak, he feels her lay a hand on his shoulder but he’s too far off in his thoughts to fully register the action. “Why can’t you?”

“I’m broken. Everyone I love leaves. Mom left, Dad left. Sam’s about to leave.”

“Dean, I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere.”

He turns away from Sam to hide his tears but that only allows Jess the opportunity to see him.

“And neither am I Dean. We’ll always be here.”

He huffs out a single wet laugh, “Yeah because you’re gonna want me around while you’re trying to enjoy your first few years of marriage.”

“Dean,” Sam somehow moved into his line of vision, “You’re my big brother, I’m always going to want you around. No matter what.”

Dean nods. It’s all he can do. He’s too overwhelmed with everything. He didn’t mean for any of that to slip out but these past few days have been emotionally draining. He can’t keep up the charade.

“Thanks Sammy.”

_===_

It’s decently packed at The Roadhouse for a Thursday night. Summer school is almost over which means Dean is able to pick up a lot more shifts at the bar. Dean’s behind the bar tonight, which gives him perfect opportunity to hit on whoever he wants. Except no one has caught his attention, they don’t have dark enough hair, blue enough eyes. None of them look like the man he’s trying to forget.

He’s deleted all the pictures of Cas he had in his phone. Gave Gabe everything Cas had left at his house. He did all this in an attempt to purge the other man from his life but nothing seems to actually work.

Things are getting better though. Dean’s not acting like such a dick towards his friends, he’s eating full meals again, sleeping through the night, and most importantly, he’s smiling again. He’s finally healing. He’s acknowledge that stupid _L_ word, but he’s not letting it consume him, he can’t. Cas left, he made his choice. And although it fucking hurts, Dean has made a choice to move on.      

Dean’s watches as the cute blonde, who was flirting with him earlier, and her friends walk out the door when he sees him. Cas is standing outside wearing the tightest pair of black skinny jeans, the ones Dean always told him were his favorite because they hug his thighs perfectly, and a simple white tee that he fills out perfectly. He’s definitely been working out since the last time Dean’s seen him. Dean looks down at his own body in comparison, he hasn’t really been working out since the _not-breakup_ breakup. He’s surrounded by a few people Dean’s never seen before and a few that he has, they’re all holding a drink, laughing and smiling. Damn Dean misses that smile.

He misses _his_ smile.

The one Cas reserved only for him.

Dean isn’t sure how long he stands there staring at him, but when blue eyes meet green, it’s like everything around him slows down. All the noise, all the people, they’re just blurs. His heart feels like it’s going to beat out of his chest, his face feels hot, he can barely breathe.

Cas is the first to break eye contact. He turns back to his group, looking completely unaffected. Dean throws his towel down on the counter and quickly heads towards the back. He passes Jo on his way but doesn’t answer her when she jokingly asks him what he’s running from.

His past and his future all wrapped up in one beautiful package.

Sixty minutes pass before he heads back out front. He did a little inventory and took his lunch break while he was in the back there. Jo came back to check on him and told him to that she seen who was out there and to take all the time he needed. He feels better when he makes it back up to the bar counter, more prepared to deal with the rest of the night.

When he glances outside to see if Cas and his friends are still outside, he instead sees a group of girls. Each and every one of them dressed in floral, they must be celebrating something. He lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and continues on with his shift.

Time passes fairly quickly after that and before Dean knows it, it’s last call. He’s made a good amount of tips and a decent amount of phone numbers from customers. Jo and him are wiping down the counter, closing out the last of the tabs, and calling cabs for whoever needs it when he hears a slurred, “Hello, Dean.”

He spins around so fast he almost loses his balance and ends up sending Cas into a fit of giggles.

“Where’s your friends?”

Cas shrugs.

“Are they meeting you here?”

Another shrug.

“Do you need me to call you a cab?”

“Nope. I drove.” He pulls out his keys to show Dean.

“You’re wasted, dude. You can’t drive home. Imma call you a cab.”

“But I gots no monies Dean.” Cas giggles at his baby talk.

“Where’s your money Cas?”

Another shrug. “Uh-oh! I lost my wallet!” He makes a big show of checking for his wallet. “Dean! Someone’s gonna spend all my monies!” His eyes go big with shock, “and my i-ident-identity!”

Dean just stares at him, while Jo doubles over in laughter.

“Dean! Don’t let them steal my face!” Jo laughs even harder.

“I won’t let them steal your face.” Dean turns to Jo and ask if she’ll be okay to finish closing the bar area by herself. She waves him off and tell him she’ll be fine and for them both to get home safely.

_===_

Dean takes him back to his place. He doesn’t feel comfortable staying over at Cas’ place anymore but he can’t leave him alone and Gabriel isn’t answering his phone. He gets him out the car and into the house with little to no effort. He sets Cas down on the couch and goes into the kitchen to grab him a water and some aspirin. He watches him swallow down the pills and some water before he goes to grab an extra blanket and pillow from the linen closet.

Cas is sitting up when he returns.

“You know I’m never gonna give you your stuff back.” Cas says seemingly out of nowhere.

“Keep ‘em.” He hands Cas the extra linens.

“I have to! In case you wanna come home.”

“Huh?!”

“Because. In case you don’t find what you’re looking for. It’s why you left right?” Dean doesn’t know how to respond but Cas doesn’t really give him that chance to do so, “Because you wanted something else? Someone else?”

“Cas, I didn’t-” He cuts himself off, he knows that right now isn’t the best time to have this conversation. “Get some rest Cas.”

Dean leaves Cas on the couch and heads to his room. He strips down to just his boxer before slipping into his bed. With Cas so close, his bed has never felt emptier. He lays awake thinking of all the should’ve, would’ve, could’ve, and what-if’s. He’s just about to drift off when he hears Cas.

“Why’d you leave Dean?” Dean can barely make out Cas’ figure in the dark but he can tell that he’s leaning against the door frame with one arm holding onto the other.

“I didn’t leave Cas that was you.”

“I couldn’t give you what you wanted.”

“And what did I want Cas?”

“Doesn’t matter, I just hope you don’t find it. You broke my heart Dean Winchester. You don’t deserve to be happy.”

Dean heart drops. He closes his eyes to try and hold off the impending tears. His voice is wet when he says, “Yeah Cas, you’re right. I don’t.”

He turns his back to Cas and waits silently for the other man to leave. It’s a few minutes before he hears the sound of footsteps, his bed dips a moment later.

“Do you miss me?” He says it so soft, Dean thinks he imagines it.

“Everyday.” He whispers back just as softly.

Before he has a chance to react, he feels Cas’ hand on his shoulder trying to get Dean to turn and face him. They stare at each other, searching for answers and even in the dark, Dean is still taken aback by how intensely blue Cas’ eyes are.

A moment later he feels Cas’ lips on his and it feels like coming home. They trade kisses back and forth before Cas pulls back, “You miss me?”

“Yeah, Cas. I miss you.”

Cas smiles, “You miss me kissing you?” he places kisses all over Dean’s face.

“Miss my legs wrapped around you waist, Dean?” Cas moves to straddle Dean. “Missing what you had before?” He grinds down on Dean. “Dean,” he moans.

“Cas.” Dean reaches up to hold onto Cas’ waist.

“Dean...” Cas whips into his skin. Cas starts to kiss lower, hands roaming all over.

“Lemme fix that for you, baby.” As soon as the words leave Cas’ mouth, it’s like a bucket of ice water is being dumped on Dean. Dean finally has Cas in his arms again and all the other man seems to want is a quick fuck. It feels like their first few hook-ups, where they were more worried about getting off than connecting. He thought they were working towards something. That they were finally on their way to fixing whatever was broken between them.

Cas leans down and whispers into Dean’s ear, “Lemme ride you.”

It takes everything in Dean to tell Cas no, “We can’t.”

“Why? I know you want to.” He reaches down and palms Dean’s hardening dick.

Dean grabs his hand, and push him off him and onto the empty space on the bed.  “You’re not sober.”

“Always playing the white knight.” Cas says mockingly.

“Get some rest Cas.”

_===_

Dean’s pulled out of sleep when he hears Cas in the bathroom emptying out the contents of his stomach. Dean waits until he hears silence and then gets up to go check on him.

“You okay?”

“No,” Cas croaks.

“I’ll go grab you some water and crackers. Why don’t you try and get up and brush your teeth, you know where the spare toothbrushes are.”

He hears Cas mumble agreement before he heads out the bathroom and to the kitchen. Dean notices Sam’s home and he hopes Cas didn’t wake him. He doesn’t have the strength to play twenty-one questions with his brother.

He passes by the bathroom and signals to Cas to meet him in his room.

“I think I’m still drunk.” Cas says as he enters the room and sits on Dean’s bed.

Dean ignores his comment and hands him the crackers, “Eat some of these, hopefully it’ll help soak up some of it.”

Cas takes the offered crackers and does what he’s told. The room is silent save for Cas’ chewing.  
  


“Can I ask how it happened?”  
  
“How what happened?” Cas hesitantly gestures towards his eye. Dean is surprised the subject hasn't come up sooner to be honest. It usually comes up with the first few times of hanging out with someone. Sometimes even within the first day of hanging out with someone, kind of inspired his ‘no repeats’ rule. He doesn't like to talk about it. It's not really a story you tell someone you just met. Dean’s usual go to answer is ‘auto shop accident. Always your safety goggles kids.’ And that wouldn't be a lie, it's a very vague, very simplified description about what actually happened.

  
That version is on the tip of his tongue, the version he wants to tell Cas buts it's not the version he deserves. He deserves to hear the truth. Even with everything that’s happened between them, Dean actually _wants_ to tell him the truth. Even in his drunken state, Dean has always known there's just something about this man that screams _safe_. Dean assumes he's took too long to answer when he hears Cas quietly say; “You don't have to if you don't want to. I know it's personal,” and that right there, that shattered any hesitance Dean was having. It also helps that Dean knows there is a possibility of Cas waking up sober and not remembering any of this.  
He waits until Cas finishes his water and lies down.

  
“It's not that. I just….it's hard to explain ya know? How do you explain to someone that your father was drunk off his ass trying to do some basic car maintenance when he calls you over to ‘give him a hand’ and the next thing all you feel is boiling hot engine coolant shooting into your eye. Then you’re being told that you'll never see outta that eye again?”

  
Cas lays his head on Dean’s chest, “Your father did this to you?”

  
Dean looks down and meets Cas’ eyes. Instead of pity, like Deans used to getting when actually does share this version of the story, he sees anger. Red hot deep seeded anger. Dean recognizes that look, he seen that look in Sammy's eyes every time they discuss that day. According to Sam, that's the day that inspired him to get into family law. He wanted to make sure he helped out kids who couldn't help themselves. Dean had suggested social work but Sam said that wasn't good enough, he wanted to make sure the law did it’s job. Dean’s never seen Cas in action but he figures he probably looks something like he does now.

  
“Yeah. Fucked up ain't it? The person that's supposed to protect you, permanently destroys you.” He notices Cas’ eyes soften at that statement, can see something resembling pity but not quite.

  
“It wasn't his fault though. He wasn't the same after mom died. He tried at first but guess it got too much for him ya know? Turned to the bottle and all that. He-”

  
Cas cuts him off with a kiss, this one sweeter than the others. “Please don’t make excuses for your father.”

  
Dean nods and Cas continues to peppers kisses all over his face until tears silently begin to fall. He reaches up to remove his eyepatch and Dean is too weak to stop him. He tightly closes his eyes until he feels the other man place a kiss over his eye and say, “Please let me see.”

  
And for whatever reason Dean does. He opens his eyes and lets Cas see him.

  
“Beautiful.” Cas whispers.

  
He peppers more kisses across his skin until tears stop falling.

  
Dean’s never felt so accepted. So loved. He wants to tell Cas, needs to tell him how he feels, but before he gets the chance, Cas moves to lay down on Dean’s chest.

  
“Good night, Dean.”

  
“Good night, Cas.”  



	17. Reckless With Your Heart

“Do tell, dearest little brother of mine, why we are at this particular diner, on this particular side of town, where a particular Winchester lives?”

It’s the first time they’ve spoken since his brother walked in. Cas spent the first twenty minutes in the diner waiting for his brother to arrive and trying to remember everything from the night before and forget everything that happened this morning.

Cas just stares at his brother, who sits across from him in the booth of the diner, and doesn’t respond. He knows he looks like shit, he feels like shit. They're both in their clothes from the night before, except Gabe’s been out all night at various clubs, bars, and others’ homes. Cas on the other hand is just running from his problems. It’s ridiculously early in the morning and Castiel was surprised that Gabriel agreed to pick him up at the diner down the street from Dean’s place.

“It was the closest diner, to where I was.”

“And where was that exactly?”

The brothers just stare at each other. Each of them waiting for the other to break.

Cas breaks first, “I was at Dean’s.”

“Oh so are you two…” Gabe makes some graphic motions with his hands.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“What do you mean you don’t think so? Did that asshole take advantage of you? I’ll kill him!” Gabe starts to stand.

“Gabriel sit down. He didn’t do anything untoward, in fact I think I was the one who tried to take advantage of him.”

“One, how the hell are you using such big words this bumfuck early in the morning? And two, what do you mean you think you’re the one?”

Cas ignores his brother's first question and tries to focus on the night before. It’s much easier. “Well I was very _very_ intoxicated and I remember thinking how much I missed his cock, when I saw him at The Roadhouse last night and next thing I know we’re at his house and one minute I’m on his lap and the next I wasn’t and then I woke up next to him in his bed.” Cas says in one breath.

“Ew.  Just ew. Please don’t-ew.”

“Sorry.”

“Why didn’t you just ask him what happened and then apologize for getting all handsy? I’m sure Dean-o would forgive you. Lord knows he’s had his fair share of drunken nights, trust me.”

“Didn’t get the chance.”   

It had been so long since he’s gotten a full night's rest, even longer since he’s woken up so peacefully.  When he woke up, with Dean’s arms wrapped around him, it took him a moment to remember that that was no longer his norm. He let himself enjoy this feeling for a little longer, let himself believe that everything was okay. That him and Dean were okay. It had all gone to shit so quickly.

He didn’t feel as hungover as he thought he would. He hadn’t consumed that much alcohol in a while but seeing Dean had surprised him. Okay maybe that’s a lie, he knew he would most likely run into the other man, he was going into his place of work after all. And even if Dean wasn’t working that night, he frequents The Roadhouse often, it’s like home to him. He should have known better but maybe part of him was hoping that he would run into Dean, maybe he wanted to. He hadn’t seen the man in so long and creeping on his social media wasn’t cutting it, especially when you he had to use Gabriel’s phone to do it.

If he as being completely honest with himself, he missed the other man. Missed his smell, his touch, his…

He’s pulled out of his thoughts when the waitress drops off their order.

_===_

It isn’t until Gabe turns onto Cas’ street that he breaches the topic of Dean again.

“So you gonna tell me what happened?”

Cas glances in his brother's direction but doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t know how.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Course it matters!  Talk to me, kid.”

And just like that the dam breaks, everything that Cas has been trying to hold in since that day at Ellen’s comes spilling out. He tells Gabe everything, every emotion, every thought, everything.

He tells Gabriel about Dean basically telling his family that they were nothing more than fuck buddies. He tells Gabriel about sleeping with someone else the night they all went out. He tells Gabriel about last night and earlier that morning.

He tells him how it was the first time in long time that he’s felt so rested, so at peace. He tells him how thick the tension was when Cas realized Dean was awake, the calmness from before had disappeared.

Cas remembers the pang of disappointment he felt.

They just stared at each other, neither of them saying a word.  Eventually the silence was broken by Dean asking how he was feeling.

“Good.”

More silence had filled the room.

“Cas-”

“Dean-”

Dean motions for Cas to speak first.

“Dean, thanks for last night, you didn’t have to do that.”

“Of course I did. You were wasted and your so-called friends abandoned you.”

Cas knew he should have corrected, but that’d be admitting too much to the other man and Dean would most likely never meet that group of friends, so Cas kept the the truth to himself. His friends didn’t abandon him, he had insisted that they leave. His friends knew that the main reason Cas went out that night was to get laid, so when he said that he was going to go back to The Roadhouse for the ‘hot blonde’ no one questioned him.

“Well either way, thanks. I appreciate it.” He tried to think of any reason to stay longer, this was the longest he’d been in Dean’s presence since what feels like forever. But he couldn’t come up with a reason. And he came to the conclusion that he really didn’t want to know what happened the night before. Didn’t want to know what was said between them, shared between them, doesn’t want to burst whatever fantasy they created that night. He decided to leave before he could ruin anything. “Guess I should get going then. Uhh….my ke-”

“They’re on the counter in the kitchen. Your car’s still at the roadhouse.”

“Why the hell is it till there?” Cas harsher than he meant to.

“Because I couldn't drive both cars back now could I?” Dean says, matching Cas’ tone.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, gimmie a sec and I’ll drive you over. Give us a chance to talk.”

Cas had panicked when he heard that. He didn’t want to talk to Dean. He didn’t need to get told more than once that they were nothing more than just sex. He couldn’t take another rejection from Dean.

“Talk about what?”

“Last night…”

“We have nothing to talk about, Dean. I was drunk, end of story.”  He hopes that ends it. He needs to build his walls back up. He was stupid and let them down last night. He turns his back to the other man. Waking up to the other man had been nice, and he appreciated his kindness last night but he can’t let himself get swept up in the other man again. He still trying to heal from the last time.  

“We don’t have anything to talk about? Well you might not, but I sure as hell do.”

He heard the emotion in Dean’s voice.

“Dean-”

“Do you know what you said to me last night, Cas?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Cas.”

“Dean.”

“You told me that you weren’t going to give me back my stuff...in case I wanted to come home.” The last part was said so quietly that Cas isn’t even sure he heard it.

Cas hadn’t said anything in return, just turned and stared at the other man. He didn’t expect to see so much hurt, pain and anger on the other man’s face.

He had caused that.

“Why the hell did you leave Cas?” There's a hint of anger in his voice, but mostly there’s just pain. His eyes were glassy from unshed tears.  

“It doesn’t matter.”

“That’s bullshit! It matters.”

“It really doesn’t.”

“You owe me an explanation, Cas.”

“Fuck you Dean, I don’t owe you shit! We fucked. We got each other off. That’s all.”

He regretted the words as soon as they were said. Dean’s demeanor completely changed.

“That’s all, huh? That’s all I was good for? Just someone to get you off?” There’s a look in Dean’s eye that Cas can’t define. It’s charged, heated, animalistic, seductive. He doesn’t know if he should flee or drop down to his knees.

Dean moves in closer, backing him against the nearest wall. He boxes Cas in and leans in close, voice low, “But I wasn’t just someone was I? Let’s be real here Castiel, you could've fucked anyone, but each and every time you came back to me. And why was that?” Dean’s hand caresses the left side of Cas’s jaw, “Was it because no one fucked you like I did? Made you scream yourself hoarse? Made you beg? No one ever worshiped every inch of you with their hands,” Dean’s other hand snakes around Cas’ waist, “with their lips,” He kisses down the side of Cas’ neck, “with their tongue,” Dean traces patterns onto Cas’ skin, “their dick,” He grinds up and into Cas, the other man letting out a low moan. “No one’s going to take you apart and put you back together like I did, Cas. Love you the way that I do.” They’re both so caught up in the moment, neither of them acknowledges the accidental confession.

Dean leans away to look him directly in his eyes, they stare at each other for what feels like eternity. Cas isn’t sure who closed the space between them first but soon they’re a tangle of limbs. Kissing, grinding, grabbing one another, only separating long enough to divest one another of their clothes.

It all feels so easy, so natural, so familiar. It feels like an eternity has passed since he had Dean like this, in front of him, taking him apart. The last time he remembers being crowded against the wall was nothing like this. There was no heat, no passion, no love. It was a means to an end, nothing like what him and Dean share. What him and Dean share is beautiful, raw, and profound. Everything Dean just said makes since, no one has ever, _will_ never, satisfy Cas the way Dean does.

“You’re right,” Cas says in between kisses, “about everyone else. They don’t satisfy me the way you do.”

Dean has his arm pinned up above his head, against the wall. He bites down on Cas’ shoulder, “I know.”

“I tried, fuck did I try but he wasn’t you. No one’s you.” Dean pulls away from him as soon as the confession leaves his mouth. Cas takes a step forward just as Dean takes a step back. It takes him a full minute of just them staring at each other to realize what he confessed.  

“Dean-”

“Get out.”

“Dean, I-”

“Leave Cas.”

_===_

He had searched those green eyes before he left. He knew as soon as he walked out the door that he’d never seen Dean again. He wanted to beg for forgiveness, for another chance but when he was met with the hard green eyes, ones that Cas now know, were once filled with love and adoration, he saw that it was the end.

“Wow. You done fucked up kid.”

“Thanks Gabriel.”

“Just give him some time.”

“I don’t think time’s going to heal this wound Gabe.”

“Look, if there’s anything I know about Dean Winchester, it’s that once you’re in his heart, you’re in there forever. Like I said, give him some time.”

“He told me he loved me and I told him I slept with someone else.”

“Yeah, maybe give him a lot of time.”

Cas rolls his eyes and sighs, “he’s the best thing I _never_ had.”

“Then prove it to him.”

 

 


	18. Daisies and Sunflowers

Dean isn't as much heartbroken, as he is numb.

Cas slept with someone else.

He cheated on him.

He gave someone, a stranger, someone who didn’t mean a thing the same thing he gave to him.

Did their time together mean nothing?

“See you’re over thinking again.” Sam says as he walks in the room. “Just talk to him Dean, give him a chance to explain.”

“So you're telling me if Jess cheated on you you're be okay with that?”

“Technically Cas didn't cheat on you Dean, you weren't officially together.”

“What are we in high school? _Officially together_ he should have-”

“What? Known? The last you talked about it you said y'all were literally just fucking around. Don't get mad at him for holding you to your word.”

“Well he should have asked for a fucking update instead of fucking the next guy he laid eyes on.”

Sam winced, he knows what Dean is saying holds some truth.

“Look Dean, I get what you’re saying but I gotta ask, how come you never told him how you feel?”

Dean doesn't have an answer, not one he’s willing to share with Sam, let alone himself so he diverts the question.

“You never answered my question.”

“What question?” Sam says irritably.

“If Jess-”

“Yeah, yeah I would.”

“Bull-fucking-shit Sam. No you wouldn’t.”

“No Dean, I would.” Sam turns to look directly at his brother. “Dean why would I give up the best thing I've ever had because she made a mistake. A mistake she made when we weren't even technically together? To me it wouldn’t be worth it. My pride wouldn’t be worth what I’d be losing.”

“But your trust-”

“We wouldn’t have been together. You and Cas weren’t together. Don’t mess this all up because of one mistake. At least hear him out Dean.”

“He hurt me, Sam. I don’t think I can forgive that.”

“You’ll never know until you try. I’m not trying to excuse him, what he did was wrong and I hate that he hurt you but if you love him, he’s worth it.”

“I don't love him. “

“Mmmm. Say whatever you need to believe Dean, but I’ve seen the way you look at him. Like he hung the moon and arranged every star himself. More importantly I see the way he looks at you.”

Sam walks out of the room before Dean gets a chance to respond.

_===_===_===_

Cas misses Dean. There’s no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Dean slipped in so effortlessly into every aspect of his life.  

He misses everything about Dean, his eyes, that smile, the way he styled his hair, the way his arms wrapped around Cas just right. Being wrapped in Dean’s arms had slowly become Cas’ favorite place to be. He doesn’t know if he’s ever felt that safe in someone else's arms.

His mind keeps wandering back to the last morning they spent together. It felt so good to be in the other man's presence, to talk to him. It had been so long since they had spoken to one another and ever since that morning they haven’t spoken to each other since.

Remembering his brother’s advice, Cas tries to reach out to Dean. Cas has tried every form of communication, short of carrier pigeon, to try and get in touch with Dean. He’s called, he’s texted, he’s left notes, and he’s sent flowers, candies, and those cute little fruit arrangements.

Silence.

Part of him wants to stop, wants to give up. But if Dean wanted that, he would have said so. Which makes Cas think that the Dean might be enjoying the attention. And really it makes sense, from what Dean has shared with him in the past he was never the focus of the family, at least not in a positive way. He was always just a means to an end. Always taking care of everyone else first and himself second. And when people fucked up, when it was clearly the other person's fault, Dean would do everything he could to make it right.

The more Cas tries the harder he falls, the more he realizes that he needs Dean in his life. It’s the only way to feel whole again. Cas can’t give up on him, on them, Dean doesn’t deserve that. He’ll find a way to get through to the other man, he has to.

_===_

Cas has a meeting with Sam in a few minutes. They’re wrapping up the Harrison case, placing Ashton and Aiden in the same loving home. When the family met with the boys it was love at first sight. The boys were already in love with their potential parents and created instant friendships with the couple's two kids.  When the couple found out a few years ago that they would no longer be able to have kids of their own, they both agreed they wanted to go the route of adoption to complete their family. Ashton and Aiden are the perfect addition.

This part is always difficult for Cas, leaving the kids, but for some reason this case in particular seem especially difficult. He made a strong connections with the Harrison boys and he hopes that they’re both able to stay in touch even when he no longer has to check in on their progress.    

“Hey Cas.”

“Hi Sam.”

Although his relationship with Sam hasn’t been affected directly, he can tell that things have changed. He didn’t know losing Dean would affect so much, although he shouldn't be surprised, nothing feels the same since Cas stupidly walked away.

They get through the case just fine taking care all of the proper paperwork, crossing all the T’s and dotting all the necessary I’s. They’re getting their stuff together, meeting with Sam was the last thing in Cas’ agenda for today.

Sam’s almost to the door when Cas finally gets enough courage to ask what he’s been wanting to since Sam walked into his office.

“Is your brother a forgiving man?”

Sam stops and turns around, giving his full attention to Cas. “Depends. If we’re talking about eating some of his pie, no. If we're talking about a silly argument, yes. If we're talking about you breaking his heart...well you better be damn good at groveling.”

Sam holds Cas’ gaze, unspoken threat simmering just below the surface.

Cas’ eyes squint in confusion, “Groveling? What the hell do I have to grovel about? Your brother’s the one who should be groveling. He’s the one who messed everything up Sam. Not me.”

Whatever anger that was simmering is now boiling over. “What do you mean he’s the one who should be groveling? What the hell did he do to you? Weren’t you the one who cheated? Who stopped all communication between the two of you? Who was too much of a fucking coward to call him up and actually end things?”

“Fuck you, Sam.”

“Truth too much for you? It’s what you did isn’t it? Dean gave you his heart and when things got a little too intense you bailed. Wish I had never called you over to Ellen’s that day.”

“Yeah, well me neither.” Cas says defeated, no fight left in him. Sam looks like he’s caught between holding onto his anger and resisting the urge to offer some comfort.

Thankfully the latter wins out.

“What happened between you two?”

“Dean obviously told you already Sam.”

“Yeah, but he told me his version. I’m asking for yours. Why do you regret coming over to Ellen’”

“I just got a reality check is all.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“It means that even though I allowed myself to fall for Dean, didn’t mean that Dean allowed himself to fall for me.”

“Dean’s crazy about you. Pretty sure he’s in love with you dude. Even if he’s too dense to actually admit it.”

“Ha. Yeah right. And is that why he told Jo that we weren’t in a relationship?” He cuts Sam off before he has a chance to answer, “And don’t try and deny it because you were right there, staring at me with the same pity in your eyes that you have now.”  Cas walks to the other side of the room and looks at the window. He doesn’t want to continue the conversation anymore, doesn’t want to think about that day.

“You’re an idiot. You two deserve each other.”

“Go to hell Sam.”

“Fuck you Cas. You’re mad at him over nothing. You weren’t in a relationship, he wasn’t saying anything that wasn’t true. I looked at you like that because I knew how embarrassed you probably were. I’ve been in a similar situation before and it sucks. And had I known you were going to take this one misunderstanding and destroy a good thing I would of pulled you aside and reminded you that sometimes my brother is a dumbass and sticks his foot in his mouth.

“Cas, you know Dean. You know he doesn’t like being the center of attention and Jo continuously calling him out like that didn’t help. He just had a shit fight with our dad, someone who never accepted Dean for who he is, for who he loves, so him bringing you around, that was a big step. Yes, he could have handled the situation better but he did the best he could do. You need to fix this.”

Cas is at a loss for words, he didn’t take all that into consideration. He only thought about his feelings, how Dean denying him made him feel. Sam’s right, he has to fix this.

“I can't _grovel_ if he won't even talk to me. I keep sending him gifts but I have yet to get a response. Maybe you could-”

“Sorry Cas, this has to come from you. And you don't think those little gifts of yours are coming off a little insincere?”

No, Cas hadn't thought that. He thought he was making grand gestures, albeit small, but grand. Or at least he thought he was.

He deflates and answers, “I...no, I didn't think that.”

“Maybe try actually talking to him.”

“He hates me.”

“He’s hurting.”

Sam turns around to make his way back out of the office, “Look I’ve got to get to another client. And even though I’m still kinda pissed at for you for hurting my brother, I’ve never seen him as happy as he is when he’s with you. And if you were serious about groveling, he should be home around eight tonight.”

“Thank you Sam.”

“I better not regret this Cas.”

“You won’t. Promise.”

_===_

“I talked to Sam today.”

“How is Sasquatch these days?”

“Good. He told me I should go see Dean tonight. Try talking to him in person.”

“Might sound more sincere.”

“That’s what he said.”

“You don’t seem too convinced.”

“I hurt him. Sam said he isn’t taking it well, hell Sam’s mad at me as well.”

“Sam’s just protecting his brother, and as far as Dean...as soon as he opens the door drop to your knees?”

“Helpful.”

“Sorry, but I’ve never actually dealt with a hurt Dean. I actually didn’t know he had that emotion.”

“You’re not helpful.”

“Wasn’t really trying to be.”

“Ugh” Cas falls backwards onto his brothers blue couch.

“Look, what the hell do you have to lose? You technically don’t have him now, so no harm no foul, right?”

Cas looks in his brother direction, although what he’s saying holds some truth to it, it’s not that easy. He wishes he realized how much he cared about Dean before everything went to shit, before his drunken fiasco, before Ellen’s.

“Look all I’m saying little brother, is to listen to Sam. He wouldn’t have given you insider information if it wasn’t worth it. Go pour your heart because it’s better to know than to spend the rest of your life thinking of Dean ‘as the one who got away’.”

“Thanks big bro.”

_===_

Castiel is very much terrified, everything is coming down to a single moment. He’s taking Sam and his brother’s advice and he’s going to talk to Dean tonight. Completely unannounced and uninvited. What could possibly go wrong? Before he left Gabe, his brother jokingly told him it wouldn’t be a bad idea to bring over Dean roses and even though he knows his brother was kidding, he’s going to do it. Except he’s going to bring take him a bouquet of daisies and sunflowers. He remembers Dean telling him that those flowers had always reminded him of his mother. Cas hopes this helps

It’s just about to turn six o’clock and Cas is filled with nerves. He reheats some leftovers from the other night and tries to think of what he’s going to say to Dean. His mind quickly begins to overthink every possible option. He isn’t sure how to start, because when Dean opens the door,-if he opens the door, Cas will probably only have a limited amount of time to say everything he needs to.  

Should he just blurt out his confession right away? Potentially coming on too strong and causing the other man to run the other way. Should he apologize first, but what if Dean doesn’t believe him and shuts the door in Cas’ face? What if he has company over and looks completely debauched when he opens the door? What if Sam’s setting him up? It could all be a cruel trick, but Gabe said Sam wouldn’t have told him to come over if it wasn’t for a good reason.

Okay, he needs to relax, all this worrying could be for nothing because Dean could take one look out of the peephole and decide not to open his door at all.  And then problem solved. Cas will have his answer.

Dean hates him.

He looks at his clock and notices he’s only got about forty-five minutes to get ready. He still needs to stop by the florist, thankfully there’s one on the way to Dean’s that stays open pretty late.

He quickly showers, and dresses in Dean's favorite outfit; black skinny jeans, that are perfectly worn-in and a dark grey long sleeved henley. He’s debating on running some product through his hair but ultimately decides against it, knowing his hair ends up doing what it wants anyways. He throws on his shoes and heads out the door.

While pulling into the shopping center where the florist is located, Cas spots a bakery. He decides to go for broke and while the florist is artfully arranging his bouquet, he heads a few doors down and into the bakery.

Upon entering Peaches and Pie, Cas is greeted with the heavenly smell of sugary sweetness.  The bakery thankfully isn’t too packed and he place his order rather quickly. They sell pies by the slice and decides to take part in their special, buy three, get one free. He orders a slice of peach, which he’s informed is the bakery’s specialty, one slice of apple, and two slices of pecan, his and Dean’s favorite. As they’re packing up his order he takes in the bakery in its entirety. The countertop and tables are white marble, the desert display and chairs are accented in a bright pale pink, the exposed brick walls surprisingly ties everything together. If he and Dean work things out, he definitely wants to take him here one day.

He’s about five minutes away from Dean’s when the panic fully settles in. This is it, this is everything in this one moment.

_===_===_===_

Summer school was officially over and Dean had nothing to distract his thoughts away from Cas. He thought about him more often than he cared to admit, and more often than he’d liked too. The other man was out of his life, he had to be. He slept with someone else, he cheated on him!

Well I guess technically you’d actually have to be in a relationship to get cheated but semantics, it all hurt just the same. And he was going to channel that hurt, into anger because fuck Cas and the dick he can’t seem to keep in his pants.

“Dude you okay over there? No need to chop the veggies so hard.”

Dean’s pulled back into reality by Sam’s voice.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry. Just, uh, thinking.”

“About Cas?”

Smart ass brother.

“No.”

“Mmm. Seen him today. He asked about you.”

“What he say?” Dean answered a little too quickly. He was trying to avoid that exact smug look Sam was giving him now.

“He asked if you were a forgiving man. I think he wants to apologize.”

Dean grunts in response.

“Told him he was a coward.”

“Wow. What he say?”

“Pretty much told me to fuck off.”

“Fuck him.”

“Yeah well, kind of deserved it. Finally got his side of the story. I really think you should talk to him, Dean.”

“Tried that remember?”

“I know but-”

“But nothing Sam. Fuck him and his bullshit excuses.”

“But-”

“Drop it Sam.”

“Dean, I really-”

“I said. Drop. It.”

Sam nodded and they both prepared the rest of dinner with just the sound of the television filling the room.

After cleaning up Dean broke the tension. “Sorry for biting your head off. I just don’t want to talk about it.”

“It’s okay. I just want you to be happy and loved.”

“Speaking of love, let's start planning this bachelor party of yours.”

“Nice subject change, jerk.”

“Whatever, bitch.” Dean got up and grabbed in the _Best Man folder_ Jess had made him, stupid ting actually came in handy; and started planning.

“So where do you wanna go Mr. Moore?”

“Haha asshole. I don’t know, nowhere sleezy. I want more of a vacation.”

“So no strippers, got it.” Dean said with an exaggerated double wink.

“I’m serious. A trip to the Mexico, Canada, a cruise, something with white and sandy beaches, my brother, and my closest friends would be ideal.”

“Canada doesn’t have beaches, dumbass.”

“Yeah it does.”

“No it doesn’t.”

“Yes it does, look at a fucking map. You’re a fucking teacher.”

“I don’t teach geology!”

“Geography dumbass!”

“Whatever!”

Sam ultimately decides to head down to Mexico for his bachelor vacation. They narrow down the dates, the guest list, and prices for the flight and hotel.

It was one of their more productive planning session they’ve had of late. He couldn’t be happier for Sam. His baby brother would be married soon and Dean couldn’t be happier. Yeah, he was still adjusting to the thought of his brother getting married but he’s proud of him nonetheless.

He hears a knock on his door followed by Sam announcing that he’s heading over to Jess’ for the night.

“Be safe.”

“You too, Dean.”

Dean looks over at the clock on his nightstand, five minutes after seven. Not in the mood to be social, Dean decides to stay in and marathon some of his favorite Marvel movies.

But first a shower.

The steam of the shower relaxes him. He lets the water wash over him and message out all the tension from the last few days. He misses Cas, and unlike Cas, he hasn’t gotten laid since the last time they were together. He misses his caresses, the soft touches he would place all over his skin. He misses all of his sweet kisses, and definitely the more passionate ones. He misses the way Cas’ hand would slink around from behind and reach around to grab his cock while continuing his steady rhythm of rocking in and out of Dean. He never felt more free, more cared for. He becomes so lost in his thoughts that it takes him a moment to realize how hard and aching he’s made himself. His hands ghost over himself. Trying to duplicate the soft teasing Cas used to do for him. He lingers on his favorite spots. His moans filling the bathroom. He teases himself until the want and ache become too much. With a healthy dollop of body wash he begins chasing after his orgasm. It doesn’t take long, his hand combined with the body wash offers a nice velvety suction that’s got Dean spilling over the edge with Cas names falling from his lips.

When his breathing finally returns to normal, he washes away all the evidence and steps out. He dresses in his favorite sweats and a Dallas Cowboy's shirt that’s definitely seen better days. He goes into the kitchen for beer and snacks before sitting down to enjoy his movie marathon.

He’s about twenty minutes into the first _Thor_ movie when the doorbell rings. He pauses the movie and goes to answer the door. He wasn’t expecting him to be here so fast but damn he’s not disappointed when he sees what the other man is holding.

He quickly pays the other man, making sure to give him a generous tip for a speedy delivery. Dean’s walks back into the living room, setting the pizza box down before heading back into the kitchen to grab himself another beer before heading back to continue watching the movie.

_===_===_===_

Cas is sitting in his car for the last hour appropriately freaking out. He’s called both his brothers multiple times hoping that one of them would talk him out of potentially humiliating himself but no such luck. He has to do this. He has to see if he can beg Dean for his forgiveness.

Grovel. Sam said to grovel.

He could do that right? Yes, yes he could. Dean is totally worth it.

He’s been wanting his second chance and here it is, staring him right in the face. All he has to do is get out of his car, grab his gifts and make the long walk to Dean’s door.

He can do this.

He takes a few breaths to center himself. Like Gabriel said, what does he have to lose?

He’s just about to step out of the car when he gets a text from Gabriel.

**Gabe: Go get him tiger!!!!!!**

And for some reason that does it. He grabs the bouquet and assortment of pies and heads towards Dean’s.    

_===_===_===_

 

He almost ate the entire large pizza. It was his favorite, meat lovers, with added spinach, mushrooms, mushrooms, and black olives. He honestly doesn’t know how he was even hungry after the dinner him and Sam had, but he’s always been told he had a _healthy appetite._ He’s just about finished with his first movie when the doorbell rings for a second time, he wasn’t expecting anyone. He gets up and heads toward the door, maybe its Benny or Charlie stopping by. He throws open the door and is greeted by yellow, white, and blue.

Beautiful white daisies, bright yellow sunflowers, and fervent blue eyes.

“Hello, Dean.”

 

 


	19. Letting Go is an Art Form

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it, the last official chapter. There will be an epilogue up soon.  
> Thank you so so much to everyone who took the time to read this. All of your kudos and comments filled with my heart with so much joy.  
> All my love,   
> Dramatiics <3

The room is bathed in deep shades of pinks and purplish blues. Its early morning when Dean sits up, careful not to disturb the stillness of the room. He feels at peace. For once the storm in his head has quieted to something soft and gentle. It’s been so long since he’s woken up with even a tinge of happiness. Dean’s always believed in the promise of tomorrow but lately, that promise has been harder to keep.

Dean has never received flowers, except once from his mom when he was about five years old. She had bought him a bouquet of white daisies, after she noticed him admiring them while they were in line to check out. From then on, every birthday Dean made sure to buy his mom a bouquet of daisies and sunflowers, especially after she fell ill. They always seemed to brighten up the room and bring a smile to her face no matter how much pain she was currently going through.

Seeing Cas standing in his doorway nervously holding the perfect arrangement of vibrant yellow and pure white flowers stole his breath away. He knew in that moment that he’d never love anyone the way he loved this man. His brain was yelling at him to move forward, to grab a hold of this man and never let him go. Never let anything stop from having this feeling again, but his legs wouldn’t work. His body wouldn’t listen. He was so scared to break the beauty of the moment that he couldn’t move. He stood there staring, taking it all in, willing, pleading, begging his legs to move. It felt like eternity, them standing there looking at each other. Them both trying to memorize this moment. The way they looked at one another. It felt like they were both waiting for something to happen, permission maybe. Something that would let them know that it was okay to touch, to feel. To know that they were allowed to.

_“Hello, Dean.”_

His heart dropped when he heard the greeting. It had been so long. Cas was still every bit as beautiful as he remembered, possibly even more so.

That was it, that was all he needed.

He rushed forward capturing Cas’ lips. Attempting to pour every emotion into the kiss but it didn't feel right. Cas hadn’t moved. He wasn’t kissing back but he wasn’t pulling away. He just stood there.

Heart sinking, apprehension quickly filling the space where hope had just lived. Dean quickly pulled away giving Cas some space. That must have been the permission Cas needed because as soon as he did, Cas’ hand reached out and pulled him back in, stopping him before he could get too far. He was still hesitant, still scared.

Dean pulled him inside and closed the door. He led them to the couch where they sat in silence, with only the sound of the instrumental music of the end of the movie credits filling the room.

They both alternated, from staring at the television screen to staring at each other. It wasn’t until the title screen started replayed itself for what felt like the hundredth time that dean leaned forward for the remote and submerged the room in complete silence.

They remained silent for a bit longer but it soon became too much for Dean. He never liked being alone with his thoughts. He had too many and they always made him feel like he’d drown in them.  

“Cas.”

Cas turned and gave Dean his full attention and it was like Dean was seeing him for the first time again except this time the beautiful vibrant blue eyes were clouded with could only be described as heartache. Heartache that Dean had put there.

His hand moved without permission, cradling the left side of Cas’ face. The other man leaning into the touch.

He had a million things to say, all on the tip of his tongue but the only thing that came out was, “Why are you here?”

Cas turned and kissed the inside of his palm, “I need you.”

Dean isn't sure who reaches out for the other first, but in a moment's breath they are passionately kissing, all teeth and tongue. Dean attempting to apologize with every kiss, every caress. He’s never been good with words, they always got tangled up in his brain, dying on his tongue, but he was good at showing people how he felt through actions.

He showed Sam how much he cared for him by being both his big brother and his parent. He showed his John how much he cared by always waiting up for him and helping him get to bed no matter how late he got in. He showed his mom by always being by her side until her last dying breath. And now he’ll show Cas. He lifts Cas up and carries him into his bedroom, falling onto the unmade bed like they’ve done so many times before.

Words left unspoken, Dean could feel the pain, anger, and hurt in every kiss, every touch, and every thrust. He chased each one with an apology, a promise, a vow. If given the chance he’d make sure Cas never hurt like this again.

He noticed his vision blur and soon felt wetness sliding down his cheeks. He can’t believe how close he came to losing him. Still possibly losing him. Just because he’s here doesn’t mean that everything is fixed.

It’s never been like this for them in the past. It was never this emotional before, this is something entirely different. What started off as something charged and heated slowly turned into something akin to making love.

They take their time with each other. Making sure every touch is deliberate, done so with a purpose. Dean’s gentle and thorough when opening him up, attempting to take every single piece of him apart. Laying his soul bare for Cas to see. Holding him with such tenderness and hesitance that he’s scared he’ll break. Cas’ heavy breath and soft moans fade into the darkness of the room. Goosebumps rise on his skin, spelling a poem in braille only Dean can read.

Cas whispers, “I need you.”

“You have me.”

Dean slides into Cas slowly, as the other man arches into him. They move together as one, steady as two hearts beating together. He wants to tell Cas everything, wants to confess his love, but his words once again escape him. He pours everything he has into his movements, loving him harder, deeper. He reaches blindly for Cas’ hand, fingers twined together, like they were weaving parts of themselves into one. He peppered kisses all over his skin. Their breathing syncing together like a song until they both fall apart in each other's arms.

He woke up with Cas next to him, even if it's the last time, he’s determined to savor this second of it.

He looks over at Cas’ sleeping form, determined to commit every detail of this moment to his memory. Even if after it's all said and done, he wants to be able to look back at this memory fondly and know that in this moment, he was utterly and truly in love.

He wants to remember Cas’ soft snores, the peaceful look on his face as he sleeps. Wants to remember the rise and fall of his bare chest, the way the sheet covers his waist. Most of all he wants to remember the way the light pours through the window, casting an angelic glow across Cas’ skin.

_===_

 

Dean wonders if this is the start to their tomorrow. Their new beginning. He feels light, calm, but most of all happy. He leans down kisses Cas until all the sleep has left his beautiful blue eyes.

“Morning.”

“Morning.”

Dean isn’t sure how to navigate through this morning so he continues to pepper kisses along Cas’ face, neck, and bare shoulders.

“You sure are affectionate this morning.” The way he says it sounds like a protest but just as Dean begins to pull away, Cas flips them so Dean’s now underneath him. “I like it,” he practically growls into Dean’s ear.

They get lost in a lazy make out session and even lazier hand jobs. More about reacquainting themselves with what they thought they lost.

It isn’t until Dean’s stomach announces its empty presence that Dean finally leaves the comfort of his bed and heads towards the kitchen.  Cas yells out that he will not leave the comfort of the bed until he smells the aroma of coffee wafting through every room. Dean tells him not to count on it as he heads directly over to the coffee maker.

As he’s pulling out mugs from the cabinet, it dawns on him that he and Cas didn’t really get a chance to talk last night. And although things seem to be okay again he feels like he should double check with Cas just to be sure. But if he’s being completely honest- something he does even more rarely these days- he’s kind of relieved. He wasn’t mentally or emotionally prepared to talk to Cas. Hell, he’s still not prepared.

How do you apologize for letting someone walk out of your life? Sorry will never be enough, no matter how many different forms you say it in. No words will ever be enough. Dean fucked up and he doesn’t know if Cas will ever forgive him.

Yes, last night was beautiful but what if it’s just last night? He doesn’t want to let him go again.

Dean’s in the middle of pouring coffee into both mugs when Cas wanders into the kitchen.

He makes grabby hands towards the coffee and damn did Dean miss the infant like qualities Cas has regarding his first cup of coffee.

Dean watches him down his first cup in pretty much one swallow and walks over to the coffee maker to pour himself another.

Cas pulls himself up onto an empty counter space and watches as Dean pulls out all the ingredients for breakfast.  He pulls out bacon, eggs, and a mix of veggies.

“Are you making waffles?”

“I can. I think there are some whole wheat ones in the freezer.”

“Oh.”

Dean turns to look at Cas, and he’s got that look. The look that Dean has never said no to. The look where his eyes get all squinty and hopeful. His eyebrows bunch together and there’s a slight smile on his lips. The look that rivals Sam’s puppy dog eyes.

Dean knows which waffles Cas is asking for and although he doesn’t mind making them for him, for some reason he just needs to hear the other man ask for them.

‘Whole wheat waffles not good enough for you Cas?” Dean playfully raises his eyebrow.

“They are, I just...uh,” its amazing how shy he looks, wringing his hands and looking like he’s about to ask Santa for something ridiculous like a pony.  He looks up at Dean through his lashes and continues, “I miss _your_ waffles.”  

It’s said with such earnest, with such emotion, that Dean would make him waffles every day for the rest of his life.

Dean remembers the first time he made _his_ waffles for Cas. He didn’t make a big deal about it beforehand. He had made waffles from scratch for Cas a few times before but he had never used his special recipe, the one his mom taught him. Thinking back on that moment, Dean should have known then that he was falling in love with Cas. His mom only made the waffles on special occasions, birthdays, anniversaries, and Christmas mornings. And there Dean was, making them for Cas _just because._

Still making them _just because._ Except, that maybe this isn’t just because anymore, maybe he’s doing it for what it actually is, love.

He holds Cas’ gaze for a bit before telling him to grab the waffle maker from the pantry.

“Really? You’ll make me waffles?”

“Yeah, I missed them too.”

_===_

They eat breakfast at the kitchen table. Then lunch in the living room. The entire day is filled with light laughter, and even lighter conversation. Carefully avoiding any topics that had to do with _them._

Cas doesn’t bring it up and neither does Dean. He’s too scared to disturb the nice little bubble they’ve placed themselves in. Where nothing hurts and everything is a facade of what it once was.

They hang out in the living room mostly; relaxing and watching movies. They burn through most of the _Fast and the Furious_ franchise, with Dean complimenting all of the cars but informing Cas that none of them compare to Baby. Cas agrees that Baby is far superior than any of those up supercharged cars but that the storylines are beyond ridiculous and not very realistic.   

“Of course not Cas! That’s what makes these movies so good! Fast cars, loose women, big explosions!”

“Since when do you like loose women?”

“Before I met you.”

“Good.”

And that’s as close as they came to talking about anything that had to do with the days they were apart.

Dean can tell that Cas is asking if he’s slept with anyone since him, thankfully he can answer the question without trying to think of a strategic way to from his words. He looks directly into his eyes and adds, “You’ve kept me pretty occupied.”

“Perfect answer,” Cas says as he climbs into Dean’s lap and begins to grind down, effectively distracting Dean from any follow up questions. Like if Cas was just as preoccupied.

It feels like they're making up for lost time, like they can’t seem to keep their hands to themselves.

For the rest of the day, they talk of course, but mostly in between bringing the other to completion, but about nothing in particular. Every time their talks venture into _them_ territory, one of them distracts the other with their mouth or hands, usually Cas. There isn’t any pressure for anything more, and it’s perfect for their first day back in one another’s arms.

It isn’t until Dean notices the dark orange hues of sunset that he knows it’s time to actually talk about them. He doesn’t want Cas to leave before they get a chance to discuss what happened. Before he gets the chance to apologize. He texted Sam earlier to let him know Cas was over and if he could give them some time to talk. Sam agreed and said he’d stay another night at Jess’.

No matter what happens now, he was at least able to enjoy a full day with the other man. Something he didn’t think he’d ever get to do again. And after all his confessions and apologies, if Cas decides to end things between them, Dean will at least have today.

“Cas?” He receives a grunt of acknowledgement in response. The words die on his tongue. He doesn’t want this to end. He doesn’t want the finality of goodbye. If Cas leaves tonight and never comes back then at least Dean has hope. But if he gets rejected tonight then he’ll have nothing but heartache. “Wanna grab some dinner?”

_===_

Cas stays over again the following night. And again the night after that. Soon a few nights turn into a few weeks and then weeks turn into months. About three months to be exact. The only time Cas seems leave the apartment is when Sam is home or he needs to do laundry and repack his bag, though he mostly finds himself in Dean’s clothes.

It’s like their time apart never happened, everything is back as it should be, one might even say better than it was. Dean doesn’t know if they're actually together but it feels like it. So much so that he ended up giving Cas a spare key to his place.

“You gave him a key?”

“Uhh, yeah?”

“So you guys are together? Everything is good?”

“Yes...No?..I don’t know Sam. I think so.”

“You think so? Dean you gave him a key to our place, without running it by me might I add. That’s pretty damn significant.”

“Ugh, don’t make this a big deal. Yes I gave him a key. No, I didn’t ask you because you’re barely here anyways, you basically live with Jess now. Didn’t think it mattered.”

“Dean, stop being obtuse.”

“Hey, college boy! Don’t yell shapes at me!”

“Hey high school _English teacher_ you should know what obtuse means, dumbass.”

“You’re the dumbass.”

The brothers lock themselves into a heated stare down. Just like every rock, paper, scissors game, Dean loses.

“Look I’ve tried okay! But every time I bring it up he changes the subject or distracts me.”

“Then don’t let him.”

“Yeah, I’ve tried that too but you try telling him the fucker no when he’s on his knees.”

“Ew! Dean,” Sam whines.

Dean shrugs and sits there with a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

“Whatever. You’re being an idiot Dean. You love him, he’s practically living here. Figure it out and talk to him. I don’t want to see you hurt again.”

And with that Sam gets up from the couch and head towards his room.

His little brother’s right. He does want to know where him and Cas stand. Cas can’t keep using sex as a distraction. Even if Dean does enjoy said distraction, he needs to know where they stand, He needs to get on the same page with the other man. But what page does he want to be on.

Does he want a relationship with the other man? Easy answer, yes.  

Can he see his life without Cas in it? Yes, but does he want to? No, never again.

He’s absolutely in love with the beautiful blue eyed angel.

Dean will just have to hold firm and make sure he doesn’t get distracted by those beautiful blue eyes and full lips.

_===_

Dean strategically waits until just after sex to bring up the subject. He’s been nervous all day, and avoiding the subject for days.

At first Dean didn’t know how to bring it up. He learned to avoid the topic. Really only bringing it up when he was in the mood to cum. Which is frequent and as often as possible.

But this time it’s different. This time there’s something much more important at hand and Dean needs to find whatever brain cells he has left that he didn't just shoot out into the condom and ask the hard question.

“Will you be my boyfriend?”

_What the actual fuck was that?_ That’s not at all what he was going to say and definitely not at all how he would have asked that question. He would have like to make it special, or at least be looking at Cas instead of staring up at the ceiling.

“Why?” Cas answers. And that definitely wasn’t the answer that Dean was expecting. He didn’t really know what to expect because he didn't really mean to ask that question but since he did and it's out there, he didn't expect that answer.

“We have a good thing going’” Cas continues, “why ruin it with labels and such?”

Dean’s not sure if he’s trying to let him down gently or genuinely asking the question. The question is so very Cas. After a moment he decides to answer honestly because wrong blurted question or not, he needs to know what they are and where they stand.

“Because the only thing we are missing _is_ a label. We’re basically in a relationship Cas, why not just make it official?”

“No.”

“No? That’s it? No explanation? No nothing?”

“That’s it.”

“No. Fuck that Cas. I at least deserve an explanation. You walked back in my life all dramatic with flowers and shit just to what? Get your fuck buddy back? I don’t buy it.”

“I don’t really care.” Cas starts to get up and gather his things. Dean watches in silence. It isn’t until he reaches to open Dean’s closed bedroom door that the silence breaks.

“I’m not going to watch you walk out of my life again Cas. If you walk out that door don’t come back.”

There’s a moment of heavy silence. A moment where their past, present, and future all tumbles into one. Cas turns around, tears filling his eyes, “I can’t Dean. I’m sorry.”

He turns to walk through the door. Hand slowly turning the handle Dean softly exhales, “But I love you.”

Cas immediately stills, “What? What did you just say?” He questions him like Dean just put a hex on him. Something deep and dark.

Somewhere Dean finds the courage to fully say the words out loud, “I said I love you.”

“No you don’t. You can’t.”

“I do,” He says. He has absolutely nothing to lose at this point, so he might as well confess it all. And it’s not like he could stop if he tried. It’s like the dam has opened and his heart is pouring out.

“Cas, Baby, I feel like I was made to love you. I tried my damndest not to but I couldn’t help it. You’re it. I’ve always felt like I break everything I touch but with you, I finally feel like I know what my hands were made for, what I was made for. To hold you, to kiss you.”

Dean gets up from the bed and walks towards Cas. “Angels shouldn’t cry” he says as he wipes the tears from Cas’ face before pulling him into a hug. “I find myself jealous of every memory you've shared with someone else. I’ve never pictured my life with anyone else, but those days without you Cas, they made me crazy, I didn’t feel like I was living.” He lifts Cas’ face so he looks him in the eye as he tells him this for the third time, “I love you.”

“I slept with someone else,” Cas blurts.

For a moment, everything feels like it’s on fire. An instant, disastrous blaze. But standing in the center of it, with Cas in his arms, he realizes he doesn’t care. They weren’t together, Cas didn’t owe him anything. Does it hurt and are they going to have a talk about it, yes. But Cas has said worse to him. And above all it doesn’t compared to losing Cas. That person got him for a moment, a wrinkle in time. Dean wants him forever.

“I don’t care.”

“Dean-”

“Cas. I don’t care. I want you. All of you.” Dean begins caressing Cas’ hair, “Don’t ask me to give that up.”

“I’m scared.”

“So am I, but I promise you won’t have to be lonely anymore.”

“Dean.” And unlike before, this time his name is said with such promise, such hope. Dean can feel it deep in his chest, the hope. He’s terrified that Cas is still trying to find reasons to say no. Just like a balloon, pretty and fun when it full but devastatingly loud when it pops.

“I hurt you.”

“And I hurt you.”

“But Dean. Dean I slept with someone else.”

“I know Cas and we’ll talk about that.”

“That doesn’t bother you? That doesn't hurt you?”

“Yeah, but you’ve said worse.” They need to get it all out in the open right? Dean doesn’t want to hold onto this pain anymore.

“What did I say?”

“Remember that night you showed up at The Roadhouse, drunk off your ass?”

“Not really, but that was kind of my goal.”

“Hmm. You told me that I didn't deserve happiness.”

Cas is baffled, like he can't believe he would say something like that.

“Dean, I’m so sorry. You know I didn't mean it right?”

“I figured. Well I hoped not at least, especially seeing as you’re my happiness.”

“If nothing else comes of me being here, please know that I didn't mean it. I was drunk and hurt, and although that doesn't justify it, please know I didn't mean it Dean. You deserve all the happiness the world has to offer and more.”

“Deep down I know you didn't mean it. Didn’t really line up with all the other junk you’ve said to me in the past. Still hurt though. That combined with you leaving me, it...it was hard to get up some days.”

Cas can't believe he caused Dean so much pain.

“When I finally realized how I felt about you, I honestly didn’t know if this was going to work out. I didn’t know if I could trust you again. I second guessed everything you’ve ever told me. A small part of me is second guessing everything you're saying now.”

“Dean,” Cas sighs “I wish I knew how to fix it, how to make you believe how much I regret saying that to you. I wish I could go back in time and erase all your pain.”

“I wish the same. And it’s that right there that gives me hope.”

I promise you, that I will spend all my days making it up to you. I’ll do everything in my power to make you happy.”

Dean nods, “I promise I’ll do the same, Cas.”

They sit in silence for a while. Both taking some time for themselves.

“Did you mean it?”

Dean doesn’t need him to clarify, he knows exactly what he’s asking and he answers without hesitation, “Every word. Every time.”

His voice thick with unshed tears Cas reaches out to cradle Dean’s his left cheek.

Cas leans in and plants and kiss on Dean’s lips and then his forehead as he pulls away and whispers, “I love you too.”


	20. I was Made for Loving You

Everything changed the night Cas came over. There was no more hiding, no more denying, everything had come to the light. They had a lot to work through. A lot of trust to rebuild, on both sides. But at long last, they found the truth beneath the lies. They trusted each other more, communicated more, and appreciated each other more.

There were many ups and downs. But for every silent treatment, there were late night confessions. For every slammed door, there was a deep kiss. For every tear, there was love.

It took some time for Cas to get over his guilt over hurting Dean. But with Dean’s reassurance, love, and support, Cas eventually accepted the forgiveness that Dean offered him so many months ago. Dean was still getting used to having someone in his corner, with unconditional love. Even at his lowest, Cas is there helping to hold him up and that will never cease to amaze him.

Surprisingly it was Cas who decided it was finally time to make things official exclusive between them. Although they both agreed that calling each other “boyfriends” made them feel like teenagers, they weren’t quite ready to call each other anything more official.  

“I’m sorry it took me so long to say it. I’m sorry it took all of this pain for me to realize it,” he grabs Dean hand and they both hold on for dear life. “I have felt something for you for a while, but at the time I didn’t know what we were and I’d been so hurt before. I was hesitant to give it a name. As if not calling it what it was would have somehow stopped my heart from becoming completely yours.” He turns to look at Dean, “It wasn't until we left Ellen’s that day that I knew I couldn’t deny it anymore. I was yours. I just didn’t know if you were mine.”

“I’ll always be yours,” Dean lifts their hands to his mouth and place a kiss on Cas’ hand. “Why didn't you ever tell me?”

“Because of what you said to Jo. You said we were just fuck buddies. I felt foolish and I was hurt. I had once again fallen for someone who had no intentions of catching me.”

“I promise I’ll always catch you.”

“I know that now.”

“Is that why you left my place in such a rush?”

“Yeah,” Cas says softly.

Dean grabs Cas and pulls him close, “I’m sorry, Cas.”

“We’ve moved past it.” He leans down and places a kiss on Dean’s forehead.

“Traded in our broken wings.”

Cas snickers, “We’re not birds, Dean.”

“No, but you are my angel, Cas.”

_===__===__===_

 

Being with Dean this past year has simultaneously felt longer and not long enough. They eventually moved in together, realizing that splitting their time between two different places was actually taking up more time. So when Sam moved in with Jess and Cas’ lease was up, there was no question that the next natural step for their relationship was to move in together. Their place was nothing special, a spacious two bedroom one bath condo with a beautiful open view of the city and a skylight in their bedroom. Okay, maybe it was a little special.

The best thing about their new place was that it was _theirs_. Both his and Cas’, their lives coming together as one, blending together into their own version of perfection. Cas had even talked Dean into getting a dog. Although Dean had said yes, he was always coming up excuses whenever Cas asked him to go visit the shelters. Finally Cas grew tired of Dean’s lame excuses and went out himself to the shelters. After all, Dean did say that if he wanted a dog, it was mostly going to be his and that he would be the sole caregiver and ‘pooper scooper’ for the pup. That didn’t last long, as soon as Cas came home with a black French Bulldog named Chevy, Dean was lost. So lost in fact, Cas found himself feeling jealous from time to time.

“Dean, get up and get dressed. You’re taking me out, alone.” Cas eyed, Chevy.

“But Babe, who’s gonna watch lil papa? He’ll be lonely. Can’t you just go down the street to the burger place and bring back some grub? We can all eat here outside on the patio.”

“Dean Winchester! If you don’t get your ass up and take me somewhere nice, I swear I’ll give Chevy to Gabe as an early birthday present!”

Dean gasps in mock shock. They both know that Cas’ threat is empty but Dean finally gets up and heads to their bedroom to put on something nice. Cas bends down to play with Chevy while Dean’s gone.

“You know I was only kidding. I could never give you up. I just miss him is all? Works been crazy busy with the new promotion but I get to work with your Uncle Sam a lot more. Hell, were even thinking of opening up our own agencies together.” Chevy just looks up at Cas as if to say, ‘I got no clue what you’re talking about but keep the belly rubs coming.’

“You don’t know what I’m saying do you? You’re just a good little boy. Yes you are, yes you are.”

Dean steps back into the living room dressed in black jeans, a grey Henley, and the new leather jacket Cas bought him. “At least I know if we have kids, you’ll be good at baby talk.”

This isn’t the first time the thought of them having kids has casualty been dropped in conversation. Cas could think of nothing more fulfilling than raising a family with Dean.

“And at least I know that we’ll never have CPS called on us for you leaving them alone.”

“You think I’m bad now? Wait until we get a little dark hair, green-eyed heartbreaker running things around here, I’ll never leave that kids side.” Dean reaches out and pulls Cas up and into his arms.

“And I’ll never leave your side.”

“Promise?”

“Forever.”

_===__===__===_

 

He’d been holding this kid in his arms since he was a baby. He’d held his hand as he learned to walk and was always there to pick him up whenever he fell down. He’d let him sleep in his bed during the stormiest of nights, whether that storm came from clouds outside or the drunk in the living room. Even as Sam had aged and the hugs had turned into high fives or shoulder punches, he’d always been there to make sure Sam was always moving in the right direction. Today that direction is a place Dean can’t follow.

Today as Dean walks next to Sam down the aisle he can’t help but notice whose missing, who’s not by their side. Their mother should be holding onto Sam’s arm, their dad on the other side, instead sitting in the audience. They should be helping his little brother take his place at the front of the altar to wait for his beautiful bride. But instead it’s Dean’s job to do that. To tell him that he couldn’t be happier for him. That he’s so proud that Sam found someone to love and share that that love in return. That one of Dean’s greatest accomplishments will always be his little brother.

“I love you, Sammy.”

“I love you too, Dean.”

The ceremony is beautiful. Jess looks stunning in her form fitting gown, and Sam looks handsome in his traditional black tux. Dean stands by his brother’s side as his best man and only cries when he hands Sam Jess’ ring and when they’re officially introduced as Mister and Misses Winchester.

The reception is filled with so much love. Sam and Jess sit at their sweetheart table enjoying each other’s company and speaking with their guest.  Dean and Cas sit at a table near the front close to theirs, with other members of the bridal party.

“You looked so good up standing up there in your tux. Can’t wait to pull that off of you later.” Cas whispers into his ear.

“You don’t look so bad yourself, angel.”

The party continues on well into the night. They laugh, they drink, they sing drunkenly off-key. Dean’s best man speech moves everyone to tears, himself included. He’s never seen his brother look so happy. He wishes them a lifetime of love, happiness, and understanding.

Once they’re finally back home, Chevy fed, and Cas thoroughly fucked to sleep, Dean gets out of bed and walks out onto their balcony. His life has come so far since he lost his mom and eventually sight out of his left eye. He never thought he could feel this happy, this whole, but turning back and looking at the rise and fall of Cas’ chest in their shared bed, he knows there’s no other way he’d want to live. He loves him. The supposed to be one night stand that turned into forever. Dean absolutely loves him.

He walks back inside after the outside gets too cold to bear. He pulls open one of the middle drawers of his dresser and pulls out a worn long sleeve shirt to sleep in. Before he turns to head back to bed he pulls open the top drawer. After some shuffling around he finds what he’s looking for, reaching in the back left corner he pulls out a small black velvet box, hidden inside a pair of his thick winter socks. He opens it and runs his hand over the smooth gun-metal grey. Inside he had an inscription engraved; ‘my love, my angel, my forever.’

He stands there for a while, daydreaming about the day they’ll finally say ‘I do’ when he hears Cas begin to shuffle around. He quickly puts the ring back into its hiding place and crawls into bed.

“Where’d you go?” Cas ask as he pulls him close.

“Just stepped outside for some fresh air.”

Cas hums in acknowledgement. He wraps himself tighter around Dean and places a kiss on his temple. “I love you, Dean.”

Dean leans over and lightly presses one to Cas’ lips, “I love you too, Cas”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thank you, thank you to any and all who read this. It's finally finished. It was a very long road but, its done. 
> 
> A huge huge loving thank you to lilstarmelody for believing in me and betaing. I love you!! <3

**Author's Note:**

> This my first fic so please be gentle. :) Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! Let me know what you think! <3


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